Wendy The Wanderer

Stories Of My Life

More outrageous Republican hatred

OK…sterilize all of us senior citizens and make us eat all those carbs even if we are diabetic :-p And no meat unless we get a job! That ought to make our health care costs cheaper, right??? Stupid old and sick and disabled people! They are all better off dead! Must be easier to have such a simple minded view of the world, without facts getting in the way :-)
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Story from here….

http://entitledtolife.blogspot.com/2014/09/fight-poverty-not-poor.html?m=1

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Fight Poverty, Not The Poor

by Paul Gibbs

Okay, Utah’s Mike Kennedy may have to settle for second place in the competition to see who can make the most outrageous Medicaid related statement this year. In fact, Utah seems to have lost out to (incredibly) a state which has already accepted Medicaid expansion.

Russell Pearce, former Arizona GOP Vice Chair, said on his radio show just this weekend:

“You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations, Then we’ll test recipients for drugs and alcohol, and if you want to [reproduce] or use drugs or alcohol, then get a job.”

Wow. Even after getting involved in the Medicaid expansion issue in three different states and hearing a shocking amount of hateful rhetoric aimed at the poor and needy, this one manages to shock and sicken me. This was stated by an actual person in 2014, not the antagonist of a Charles Dickens novel. Thankfully there was enough uproar to force Pearce to resign (after accusing the liberal media of the ghastly sin of repeating what he said and assuming that a party Vice Chair speaks for his party). but that doesn’t change the fact that it was said in the first place. He did not apologize or say that there was anything wrong with these words or sentiments. He just blamed the media.

I’ve heard proponents of the idea that “Class Warfare” is being waged against the wealthy say that the wealthy are being made into “The new Nazis.” I find this to be one of the most absurd things I’ve ever heard. But I can’t help but feel that the things I keep hearing said about those who need and use public assistance are sometimes awfully similar to the propaganda the Nazis sometimes used against those segments of society they wanted to devalue. Oh, I know Nazi comparisons are ridiculously overused and almost always hyperbolic. It’s become almost off limits to make the comparison (though saying that anybody who doesn’t idealize making the rich richer is a communist seems to still be perfectly acceptable). But really, when a politician starts talking about forced sterilizations, I don’t think I can be blamed for going there. No, I’m not suggesting the Republican Party is like the Nazis. If I thought that I wouldn’t have any conservative friends, and I have a lot of conservative friends. I’m saying that Russell Pearce seems to have taken the anti-poor people ideas a lot of his party is promoting and taken it to an extreme which does seem worthy of comparison. And that sort of extremism starts out smaller, and if it isn’t stamped out, it grows.

I just can’t understand it. I can’t wrap my head around the idea that hating and vilifying people for not having money seems to be such a widespread concept in our society today. Literally every day I hear some sort of attack on the needy, and each day I feel like more and more of my soul is dying because of it. What is moral, Christian, American, responsible or acceptable about this? How did we get here? It’s not even confined to conservatives. When Pearce gets to his remarks about those who receive food assistance, he gets more to the sorts of arguments I sometimes even hear from moderates and liberals:

“No cash for Ding Dongs and Ho Hos, you’d only get money for 15-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and powdered milk – all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want a steak or frozen pizza, then you’d have to get a job.”

I don’t know how much evidence there has to be that they majority of people seeking help have jobs before people listen. I don’t know what it will take before reason and decency make us stop seeing poverty as a sin. I’m not sure I know any way to fight this kind of ignorance but to keep speaking the truth: that you cannot hate and your brothers and sisters for being poor and still claim the moral high gound.

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Then I read an opinion piece in Deseret News that was full of hatred and said Utah should not expand Medicaid.

http://m.deseretnews.com/article/865611022/http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865611022/Medicaid-will-sting-Beehive-States-economy.html?pg=all#YGpWkxP6rreZZb78.03-will-sting-Beehive-States-economy.html?pg=all?ref=https%3A%2F

I was glad to see Paul Gibbs wrote about that, too. It seems that if someone is lying and full of hatred, they are probably Republicans. How can they just throw people away? It’s disgusting and totally NOT in line with Christian values, which they claim to have :-(

http://entitledtolife.blogspot.com/2014/09/m-is-for-million.html?m=1

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It’s interesting how different the character of states can be. Geeze! I miss Vermont! Bernie Sanders has been my hero “forever”. That’s the sort of politics I can agree with more often than not. I don’t feel dirty. Really, how can some politicians live with themselves? Are they missing the gene responsible for caring and fairness and justice? How do they turn off those feelings? How do they justify their actions? I am mystified.

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Another rough day

I slept until around 1 PM. I haven’t felt well all day. Because of some discussions on support groups, I got out all of my medical records. I have gone through a 4″ stack and am only half way through. I learned some startling things about myself! There are quite a few blood tests that are very out of whack that have never been addressed. The best part was rediscovering all sorts of records outlining my MG diagnosis and IVIg treatments.

I was looking for my GI doc’s name and number, but didn’t find it before 5 PM. I need to call!!!!!! Still fever and chills, awful diarrhea, intense gut pain.

After one bathroom visit, I figured I would take the garbage out and see how I did. I decided to go 2 blocks to the Asian grocery. I quick got an onion and a few things to steam and went home. It was a close call, but I was able to make it to the bathroom in time when I got home. I feel better knowing I have some easy food in the fridge. I figure it might be a while before I am up to making the 2.2 mile round trip to a big grocery store.

I slept right through FNB free food in the park. I very reluctantly threw out the questionable chicken. I feel soooooooooooo sick and miserable! I can’t deal with any half rotten food right now. I wish I had a case of chicken noodle soup. My tummy doesn’t want anything in there. I made zucchini, peppers, dried onion and leftover cauliflower with eggs for breakfast. It hardly spent any time in my digestive tract. Ohhhhhhhhh…..my guts! Tomorrow I will make a smoothie of just frozen banana, yogurt and kefir. I wonder how long that will stay in me? I am drinking water, but am back to being dehydrated and have one of those stupid dehydration headaches. Grrrr….

The woman who does my laundry was here today. When I first woke up, my voice worked. By the time she came back with my laundry, the dysarthria had taken over. I am not good for much right now.

The abdominal pain that now wraps around my body REALLY hurts my tailbone. How the heck is that related?

OMG! Just like the old days, when I lived in Florida. I crapped my pants :-( It is bright yellow liquid that burns my butt so bad that it bleeds. I had to take my second shower today. Olive was so unnerved by my distress that she kept meowing and walking in the shower with the water going full blast. At this point, I am so weak that I can hardly stand. I started to pass out in the shower. Everything got dark and I could only hear the roar in my ears. By some miracle, I caught the shower chair on the way down. It took more than 5 minutes to catch my breath once I came out and sat in my comfy chair. This is so not good :-(

And what’s going on with my arm? This happened between morning and night. Maybe when I caught myself? Blood vessels in my upper arm have popped out :-o My whole arm hurts. Geeze!

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This all reminds me. I only heard the end of the Roosevelt’s on TV. Teddy was lucky to die in his sleep! Too bad we can’t pick how we go. I HATE hospitals!!! I dread going back in. Dang, I don’t feel well….

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OK, I am scared….again

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The pain has quickly turned into a lump beneath my skin. A pretty big lump. When I bend forward, it hurts a lot. The spot is a tad higher than my belly button and midway between it and my left side.

When I drink water, it stings. That doesn’t seem good :-o Actually any bit of moving around starts a sharp pain, then an ache. I am wondering if this is a new spot of diverticulitis or a new fistula? I still have my fever, it just hasn’t gotten real high. Kind of a hot simmer. I feel broken. Oh, oh.

Can’t I stick to just one disease at a time?

Now at 11PM, the left lower abdominal quadrant pain has wrapped around to include my left flank. I stood up long enough to finish loading the dishwasher and the pain was so intense that I could barely breathe. Not good. Each time I get up or sit down, the spot I am pointing to gets worse :-( Now even my spine and tailbone hurt. What the heck?!?!? Interestingly, my ears are very hot. My temp is over 100 with 800mg of Motrin. I feel hotter than that, though.

I guess I will go to bed and hope for the best.

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Me and my garbage!

Just as it was getting dark, I figured I had better go take my garbage out. Silly me, I thought not many people would be around. The lobby and out front were crowded! I didn’t want to stop and talk until the stinky litter box presents were out of the building.

My next door neighbor was out for the first time since being in the hospital. She doesn’t look or sound well :-( She is coughing and is now hooked up to oxygen.

It only took a few sentences and my dysarthria came back in full force. I was also very aware of how burning up I was. I quick skeedaddled back to the relative safety of my apartment. Just now I choked to the point of almost passing out from taking a sip of water. Every little thing I do seems to bring on further distress. Sigh….

What’s it like to do things without pain and struggle? I hope you folks who don’t give much thought to breathing and using the bathroom and walking and talking realize how blessed you are. Must be nice! I am soooooooo worn out!

All evening I have been bouncing around between burning up and having the chills. I think about how absolutely amazing it would be to spend 24 hours being “normal”. I would love a respite from all this pain and disability and sickness. Something is very not right with my belly area :-( It hurts bad.

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Ugh, morning :-p another long night of “running” to the bathroom. So far morning is even more dramatic. My guts are very good at not working at all or working way too well. Happy medium sounds heavenly.

Today my food stamps are available. I really would like to go buy some meat! I am craving it like crazy. I wish I could leave my apartment. Today and tomorrow are supposed to be HOT, with a high of 90.

There is an article in Neurology Now about West Nile Virus. Basically, there’s not much that can be done about it at this time. It’s not much fun to have WNV and MG! Yup…miss my brain….

http://mobile.journals.lww.com/neurologynow/_layouts/oaks.journals.mobile/articleviewer.aspx?year=2014&issue=10040&article=00016

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After many more bathroom trips, I had massive chills. I decided to go outside to warm up. I figured I would go a block over and see how I felt by going to Deseret Industries. I found 2 kid books for my grandsons. I almost passed out at the cash register :-( I had to bend to pick up my dropped sunglasses. Wow! What a rush. I pulled over out of the way and tried to regain my equilibrium and composure.

On the way home, an antsy garbage truck driver tried to run me over in the crosswalk :-o I was feeling really woozy. Then two Rocky Mountain Power trucks were blocking the handicap curb cut at my building. Geeze! Except for the books, I was oh, so sorry I ventured out. I am definitely not well enough to go grocery shopping. I needed to find out. Sigh…..

I have a new, very sharp pain on my left side. It’s creepy. Is it my intestines or something else? It makes me cry when the pain shoots through me. It’s not in a familiar place. I feel like barfing :-(

It only got up to 85 degrees today. I am glad the WeatherBug forecast was wrong. I have had the A/C on all day and the blinds closed. Too much light makes my head hurt. Each time I get hungry and eat something, it only makes a short visit in my digestive system. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh….my guts! I hope this torture ends soon.

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Can I shoot intruders?

It’s supposed to be a PARKING lot! I would love to pull up to their bedroom window and make noise!!!!! When I first woke up, this couple had dragged two patio chairs to in front of my bedroom window and were sitting smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk. People in wheelchairs sure couldn’t get around them. Then folks walking dogs had to detour into the grass, while their little yappers barked at the intruders. All that racket woke me up, despite the closed windows and inside noise of the fans, A/C, oxygen concentrator and CPAP machine.

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I woke up nauseous with my heart pounding. Too bad I didn’t have the phone in my room to take a picture of them in chairs. Too bad I didn’t just open the window and tell them their rudeness woke me up! It might be an apartment building, but it’s still my HOME! I am pissed off after yesterday’s drug smoking couple.

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None of the 4 people now milling around are people who live here. It’s not good to wake up a sick, grouchy person!!!!! Why can’t all these people park AWAY from the building? There’s plenty of room.

OK, I need to calm down now. Grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

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What to do about me?

I slept more than 13 hours last night , then several hours before that, in the afternoon. I should feel better after sleep, right? No such luck! I still have the fever and I still have the gut distress. It’s not good at all when bouts of diarrhea wake me up every few hours. I don’t know if this is the intestinal bug going around or my own hell caused by the gastroparesis, hernia, diverticulitis and fistulas. Maybe it’s all together? Whatever is going on, it’s a new kind of miserable. :-(

All the gut drama and fever makes me weaker from that, plus weaker from MG. I hold onto my walker for dear life, but my legs are uncooperative. They are both numb and weak. My legs feel like unresponsive tree trunks. When I struggle enough to get up, I am then instantly short of breath, with whooshing and ringing in my head. I sure hope this extreme gut distress is time limited! I don’t know how much longer I can stand being like this. It gives me a whopper of a headache.

I have been sitting here for days, bent forward and rocking back and forth until I am tired, then I stretch out with my feet up and my neck braced. I switch back and forth. Soooooo queasy :-( Soooooo tired…..

After being awake a couple of hours, I am going back to bed. Zzzzzzzzzzzz……

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Shifty eyes

My nystagmus has evolved. Now my eyes are doing this thing called oscillopsia. It’s what you would expect things would look like from eyeballs jiggling all over the place. I have had that from time to time, but now it’s constant and dramatic. If I stare at a salt lamp, it looks like it’s in the middle of an earthquake. The lamp appears to go back and forth, up and down.

When the creepy people were outside, I wrote down the license plate and descriptions on a piece of paper. I left that and a pen on the kitchen counter. Olive has never met a pen that didn’t need batting to the floor and around the room. While trying to figure out what she was doing, it looked like she was going to knock a salt lamp on the floor. I quickly realized she couldn’t possibly be moving the lamp around…those suckers are HEAVY. Sorry I yelled at you, Olive!

Then I became hooked on staring at the lamp every few minutes. Kinda cool, but it was making my double vision worse from the exertion. I tried Googling all sorts of phrases until I found the word oscillopsia. Yup…that’s it. Now I have a headache from all that eye work. People with MG can get it. It’s neurological.

All this newly worse neurological stuff like dysarthria, oscillopsia and nystagmus are often listed for MS and ALS, too. No wonder docs have repeatedly considered those diseases. I would rather stick to the one I already know!

I wonder if there’s a name for the inside tremor that I can feel much of the time? It wears me out almost as much as the big, obvious tremors.

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Not much at FNB today. At least I got two onions :-) For lunch I put the tomato in a tuna macaroni salad. I had three little cupcakes for dessert.

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This morning was a perfect one temperature wise. I also went late and left early. There was only enough food for one trip through the line. I took the opportunity to take a few flower pictures on the way home.

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I didn’t feel very well and ended up napping most of the afternoon. Once again it was my tongue that woke me up. It was sore and swollen and caused me to choke awake. Then when I was awake, I was burning up and soon that changed to chills. Ohhhhhhh……my head and guts! Sigh…..

800 mg of Motrin isn’t bringing my fever down. Darn it. I keep splashing cold water on me while sitting in front of the fan. That relief doesn’t even last 5 minutes. I am so hot that I have to flip my neck pillow over every few minutes, too. I have spent more days of my life WITH a fever than without one. I am either below normal or above. My Vermont and NY docs had lots of opinions about my faulty temperature regulation, but never knew what to do about it. Remember last April? I would be below normal all day, then 103-104 at night. It sure makes me feel yucky!

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OK…I am going back to bed…..

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Someone else’s blog post about myasthenia gravis

You have all heard me say the same stuff over and over again. Here is what another woman with MG has to say…..

http://www.joybenchmarks.com/2012/02/what-does-myasthenia-gravis-feel-like.html?m=1

For me, one of the hardest parts of having a rare disease is no one else knows what I’m going through. It is profoundly lonely to have a chronic illness no one has ever heard of. I’ve often wanted to flick a switch and give other people MG for 24 hours. I want them to have a taste of it, to allow people to understand what it feels like to have a body that works, and doesn’t work, and works again.

But of course, I don’t have a magic switch.
I often wonder what people think when they see me using a powerchair for mobility, and then a walker, and then walking on my own, and then using a powerchair again. Do they think I am an attention junkie? A faker? Making this up for my own sick pleasure? Because I’m not. I hate MG. I wish I could make it go away and never come back.

Myasthenia gravis moves around my body, choosing to weaken different muscle groups at different times. Sometimes it settles into my hip and thigh muscles. When it is there, I feel as if I have invisible weights strapped to my legs. The longer I walk, the more weights I carry until I am crawling. I use a powerchair because I hate crawling. Lately MG is in my shoulders more than in my legs. It makes brushing my hair harder, but walking is easier… for now anyway.

Myasthenia Gravis means grave muscle weakness in Greek and Latin. The grave part of myasthenia gravis is when MG weakens the muscles involved in breathing. This happens to me at least weekly to one degree or another. It is usually mild, but it has hospitalized me before. MG breathing weakness is not like an asthma attack, or a coughing fit. It is subtle and truly evil.

To simulate what MG breathing weakness feels like, try this:
Cover your mouth and nose with your hand. Breathe in.
Remove your hand. Exhale.
Cover your mouth and nose again.
Do this until you feel like passing out. Until your heartbeat pounds in your throat. That is what MG breathing muscle weakness feels like — only the hand is invisible and it doesn’t stop at will. Sometimes this weakness can be reversed using medications. Other times I just wait it out in silence. A few times I’ve ended up in the hospital because I couldn’t breathe. But, I come back from the depths. I’ve got more lives than a cat.

At times MG settles into my throat, making swallowing difficult. Or it decides to weaken my tongue so I slur my speech. We blink about 100,000 times a day, which explains why my eyelids fall down sometimes. Sleepy Dwarf, in Disney’s Snow White was patterned after one of Walt’s friends who had myasthenia gravis. My eye lids fall down and people ask me if I’m tired when I’m not. My eyelids just need to reboot. Eye muscles move constantly, and they fatigue at times giving me blurry double vision. I have magic prisms in my glasses that let me see a single image even though my eyes are not aligned. My eye doctors are amazing people.

All day long MG moves around, weakening different parts of my body. It is disabling, but never the same disability twice.

Right now, I am blessed. My MG is fairly quiet, although I’m not in remission anymore. Medications are keeping it quiet enough for me to enjoy my life. I do enjoy my life, not despite all my illnesses, but with them. Chronic illnesses are as much a part of my life as my smile, or my freckles. They’re here to stay. And so am I.

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Still confused

My brain has perma fog. It seems worse with my double and blurry vision. I feel trapped in my skull. I try soooo hard to think clearly and rationally. It doesn’t always work :-p

Ever since I moved to this apartment, there are things I have never seen again. I don’t own much STUFF, so it shouldn’t be hard to find my silicone mat and the cat food plastic lids….but I can’t find them. I have rearranged books and most of the food, and found a few long lost items. Just last week I was mystified because I couldn’t find the corn popper. I found it at the back of a slide-out drawer. That only made me MORE confused! I have eaten plenty of popcorn since May. Later I realized it was all FNB popcorn in bags. That left me feeling disoriented. How bad is my dementia?

There have been several people lately who have contacted me. They seem to know everything about me, but I don’t have a clue who they are. I don’t remember their names and I don’t remember the things we had in common. I always had a hard time with names, but I used to remember everything about people. Now I am just blank. I also notice that as long as I steer conversations, I can go on “forever”, but when I am expected to answer questions about stuff I haven’t been thinking of, I am again blank.

This has been a gut wrenching day. I have made a bazillion trips to the bathroom…and I didn’t even eat that chicken :-( I am sick. Ugh. As if I didn’t already have enough problems!

While looking for one of those things that you plug in one outlet to get maybe 3 places to plug in, I stumbled upon the posters that used to be up in my other apartment. I have missed them. Months ago I bought a package of UHU tac, a sort of putty for putting up posters. I finally found both and put up my favorites. That took hours. Each time I raise my arms, I get dizzy, my heart pounds and I am instantly SOB. I would do one or two, rest and one or two more.

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Those are the temples I have been in, the second coming of Christ painting plus the Articles of Faith and the Ten Commandments.

It makes me very, very sad that I am too sick to go to church, the temple, Temple Square, the Church History Museum and the Church History Library. Last week was Stake Conference and nobody thought to tell me :-( I am beyond tired of being sick!!!!! I hardly ever go inside any building but a grocery store, and I don’t go into them very often. I am grateful that FNB is outside all summer and not too far away. I have virtually no life other than FNB, doctors, the hospital and my apartment. It’s enough to make a person go stir crazy!

I miss feeling well enough to zoom around the park or go places on TRAX and FrontRunner just for pleasure. Remember all the gorgeous roses I took pics of in early summer? They seem to be reblooming for fall. I don’t even have the energy to stop and take their pictures. I am always in a hurry to get out of the sun or go back to my apartment’s bathroom. I keep reminding myself to be grateful I am still alive. It has been pretty dicey a few times this year!

I really, really want to go for a ride in the national forest. I would love to see some real trees. I definitely need a friend with a car! It has been a very long two years since I went camping. It’s so much more complicated with a power chair, oxygen concentrator and CPAP.

Sigh….I am glad I didn’t know I would be sick this long when I first got WNV! This week a whole new crop of infected people have joined the WNV support groups. My heart breaks for them. They think they will feel better soon :-( Reality is not going to be nice.

Late in the afternoon, some strange people parked right in the middle of two spots by my open bedroom window. Every time I looked, they were still there. Finally I boldly stood close to the window and stared at the guy staring at me in his side view mirror. The man and a woman were bent over, smoking something that smelled like a combo of stinky feet and bad BBQ. After awhile, they rolled up the windows and went to 7-11. They came back with big drinks and just sat in the car with the windows rolled up.

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Whatever they were smoking made my heart pound. After a couple of hours, it was obvious they had settled in. I called the resident assistant. She went by them once or twice and then said something to them. They took off. Dang! I am sooooo NOT a city person! I don’t like living in drug central.

This week the cops have killed three people in separate incidents. Today a 60 year old woman in a wheelchair got robbed by a gang member. Always too many creepy things happening.

Gee, I never went outside at all. Usually one of the highlights of my day is visiting the dumpster :-p

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Sooooooooo confused!

I went to bed at 5 PM and woke up just before 10. I walked out of my bedroom in just my undergarments to discover my blinds open and the window open. There was a guy standing there, acting creepy :-o He and his car were gone when I came back from the bathroom. Certainly wasn’t a resident! I wonder what he did that woke me up?

Earlier in the day, when I got back from FNB, there was a high or drunk homeless person sprawled on the front lawn with the contents of his shopping cart dumped out. Another homeless guy with a backpack was picking stuff up. The same guy had been sprawled next door, half on, half off the sidewalk, with his cart blocking my way when I left for FNB. Must be the DWS security guard rousted him.

Just as I got to the apartment sidewalk, the manager here was on his way out to the homeless guy and the resident manager was telling someone she had to pick up human poop here three times. Some random woman in a car parked on the road was talking to the manager about the homeless guy. It made me wonder, what do “the authorities” do about people like that? It’s not a crime to be homeless, but he becomes a public nuisance and health risk after a certain point. He obviously needs medical and psychological help, but I doubt he has health insurance. It’s sad :-( There are LOTS more like him all over the city….and the country.

I am still enduring the never ending fever. I don’t feel well all over. I did steam a cauliflower and mix it with a can of nacho cheese sauce. I had it for lunch and supper. My body says it’s hungry for more protein, but my guts are against it.

I just read the living stingy blog about being an Aspie. I think it was a fairly new and “popular” diagnosis in the 80’s when my shrink gave me the label. For me, the best thing about the label was having a new context to understand myself. My behaviors were only a problem for me as a kid….and even then, they bugged other people way more than they bothered me. I LIKED being weird. When I wore the same dress every day in 8th grade, I thought I was the sane one. We all wondered how the 8th grade English teacher could wear a different outfit every single day of the school year. And…I LIKED not talking most of my childhood. I was fascinated why people did and said things. Instead of talking, I was busy observing. I guess I will always wonder why I switched to talking so much. Did I just grow out of it? Did my brain change? I don’t know. I think the Aspie thing was all wound up in the growing up in a dysfunctional family thing. They both stunted my growth for years. It was a relief to be able to craft my own life as an adult.

I have loved much of my life. I also have hated being sick all the time. I am glad I crammed lots of outdoor activities into my life whenever my body was working :-) My years as a homesteader and organic farmer were epic. Unschooling Heather and traveling, plus living in the underground house was fun. I had many things to keep my body and brain busy.

I will always wonder how much low IgM caused so many of my health challenges. It’s a very rare finding, with little research. Only .2% of the population has it, but 10% of hospitalized people are suffering from it. It’s probably why I got so sick with West Nile Virus. That has been a huge blow to my brain. I miss having those brain cells!

I think WNV has done more to wreck my health than the MG, MCTD, strokes, etc put together. Two years after the initial infection, it’s still making me sick, with no end in sight.

I am struggling with what to do next. My neighbors want me to petition the governor, go on TV and all sorts of big deal stuff in order to get IVIg. My preference is to move back to Vermont or to some other disabled-friendly state. Right now I am too worn down to deal with much more than staying alive. I wish my brain was more helpful. Sigh…

Hopefully I will eventually regain enough health to move forward once again. So far that’s my history. It does scare me that it’s getting harder and harder. It was pretty sobering to have two docs in one week suggesting I go into assisted living. If that does have to happen, I sure as heck don’t want it to be in Utah! The questions of what to do next and how to do it are percolating in my mind. One of these days, the answer will come to me.

It’s 55 degrees at 2:30 AM. Our low is supposed to be 45 tonight…the lowest of the season. I am enjoying the cooler temperatures and the weaker sun. It’s nice to be able to open the windows rather than turn on the A/C :-)

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