Someone with a Canadian ISP has been seriously getting into reading my blog for a few days. The visitor count has not gone up, but the pages read from Canada sure have! More than 400 pages in the last 3 days. What’s up? At first I thought it was a fluke. Mysterious.
Last night, sleep was not easy. My darn left hip/leg hurts. The worst pain is from my lungs. They feel on fire inside. The lungs woke me up many times in the night, then it was my left hip/leg that made it hard to fall asleep again. I continue to feel strangely weak from the generic pyridostigmine. I don’t like it :-(
I took a 3 hour nap this afternoon….with the same sleep problems as at night. This evening I watched the CBS story about insurance companies denying care. It made me depressed. I feel like I am doomed to go through the exact same cycles of autoimmune issues…over and over and over and over and over….. I am very weary of the same and new problems always on my radar. I am burning up, my skin is creepy, my lymphs are swollen, I hurt all over.
Last night and this morning, I did some sorting. I am trying to weed out any object that’s useless to me….to put on the free table. I wish I had a helper! The piles of garbage, recycling and stuff to give away are bulky. Now I have to deal with the piles. For the first time in a long time, I started having fasciculations on my face, tongue and throat. It was a reminder that when I do too much physically, when I am weak, crisis is lurking nearby :-(
I think I have been trying to pretend that I am just fine. Since I am not so sure that I can “beat” the insurance company and get decent MG treatment, I want the idiots to be right that I am just crazy. I want everything wrong physically to just go POOF and be gone. Pretending it’s not real hasn’t made it go away :-( Hey! If insurance companies can have magical thinking….can’t I? There are moments when I feel like I am running out of ideas about how to cope.
Another thing I am tired of….is going through the stages of grief….for the bazillionth time.
A giant glob of thunderstorms is coming to us from Colorado. We usually get our weather from the west, but there’s a high pressure system making weather go in circles. It was getting creepy dark by 7 PM….and just keeps feeling more and more ominous. So far all the weather forecasters have been way off….predicting the rain would start last night, then this morning, then by now. At last check, they are warning it for 1:30 AM. Me and the air feel pregnant and heavy. Speaking of pregnant, I don’t think my belly was this big when Heather was in there. Last night I sprayed down my hair in the shower in order to get cool. My nightgown stuck to me. Scary! :-o No wonder my hernia hurts so much :-(
But….there is something positive to say! I have been using a new hand cream on my belly wound. it bleeds every day from the skin cracking. Since I have been using this….no bleeding! :-) I want this to heal. It’s getting there…..sort of…..