I need rescuing


I was out at the road in my power wheelchair when it tried to pitch me onto the ground. I was going up the curb cut at the end of my building when one of the wheels fell off my chair. That caused me to do 360’s and have me flung forward down the slope. Good thing I always wear my seatbelt, or I would have been crushed by the chair. I was really scared!

I put the chair in neutral with the manual foot pedals and yanked the chair backwards up the slant. Then I turned it around and pushed it back into the lobby. It took a loooooong time and was wicked hard to do. I never thought of the consequences. I just knew I needed to get back inside. The temperature was in the 20’s and I did not have a coat on. I had just gone the length of the parking lot to cool down from my fever, and had turned around to come back.

When I got into the lobby, I called the RA on my cellphone. I asked if she would get my walker from my apartment so I could use it to get home. It was really, really hard to make it down my hallway. I cried the whole time. Of course I ripped the hernia. I just never even thought about it. All I was thinking was I was too weak to make it back in the building. Once I got inside, the reality of what I had done hit me :-( I am soooooo screwed! The hernia hurts now. What’s it going to feel like when the adrenaline wears off? How much closer am I to my intestines spilling out? I hurt my neck and spine, too.

Then there’s my immediate mobility. I cannot go anywhere without my chair….not to the garbage or laundry or to get the mail or buy groceries. I tried to find someone to fix my chair last summer. No one wants to accept Medicaid reimbursement for the work. I desperately want someone to help me….to make it all happen. I suppose sitting here crying is NOT helping. The enormity of it all is sinking in :-(

I am officially overwhelmed.

Back to the earlier mundane…..

The lunch menu for today is vegetable cheese strata, Brussels sprouts with cheese sauce, garden vegetable salad and mocha pudding. The first mishap was that when I took plastic wrap off the top, it also brought with it the inside plastic lining. After I nuked the meal, I put the food on a plate, which seems more civilized. The salad was light years better than any salad so far. I need to buy or make my own salad dressing though. The junk in the condiment pack is nasty. I was also impressed that the Brussels sprouts were decent and unlike the yucky ones I had before. The strata was about 75% bread. Strange stuff. It was edible, though. I did not even add seasoning this time. I would have never guessed that was mocha pudding. Good milk :-)

Today was food bank box day. I put about half of it back on the free table and I snagged at least that much in better stuff. I got canned pulled pork, orange juice, boxed milk, diced tomatoes, canned peaches, tuna, canned salmon, peanut butter, eggs and a loaf of very stale bread. It was a better haul than usual.

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We have been in the red, unhealthy air zone all day. I have been wheezing and struggling to breathe, so pushing the chair out in that pea soup was kind of an added nightmare.

12.51.02 PM10am


Pat Bagley – The Salt Lake Tribune

I am sooooo sore now that I have cooled down. I am trying to be brave. Trying…trying really hard….

A day of waiting

Too much pain to sleep, so I woke up early. Good thing I decided to also have an early breakfast! 2 hashbrowns .38, 2 eggs .58, onion .14, tomato free, cheddar free, Hatch chile salsa .40….for a total of $1.50. I wish I had added a lot more cheddar.


I got dressed and made my bed in preparation for Meals on Wheels. As each hour ticked by, I got more and more antsy. I hate wearing clothes. Every time I need to use the bathroom, I wonder if that’s when someone will open the door and come in my apartment. No matter what I am doing, I have to worry that the door might open any minute. It gets old. When it got to be 2 PM, I went down to the community room. The food was still in there. All of us who get meals were there, wondering what was going on. Around 3 PM, a familiar face came through the front door. She said she had been at the hospital when she realized it was after 2 on a Tuesday…so she came running.

I felt bad for her. She was obviously rattled. Her mother had fallen twice and also has dementia. They were trying to find a nursing home for her to go to from the hospital. As I discovered when I needed a rehab center after surgery….finding a place becomes a nightmare.


I was thinking what was on the menu sounded good. Meatloaf with gravy, whipped potatoes, steamed spinach and seasonal fruit. I had this picture in my mind of what I would cook. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I hadn’t considered franken food “meat” and “gravy”. I tasted no meat, but I certainly smelled chemicals. I did what I could. I drained the spinach and added cider vinegar, then put butter on the potatoes and plenty of seasoning on it all. I saved the banana to go with evening meds. And the milk was great :-)


While out near the community room, a guy wanted me to pet his dog. The darn terrier grabbed my arm and started humping it :-( The beast gave me a few puctures and scratches. I washed it down with plenty of soap!



I spent the afternoon wheezing from the yucky air. It looked awful outside. Then I took a 5 hour nap so I could breathe oxygen. My lungs were on fire. I did not have supper tonight….too weary to chew.

I spent a significant part of the day working on deleting old photos and their place holders in old blog posts. It’s going to take days to make it to 2016. I am still on 2013. Keeps me out of trouble.

The best part of the day was hearing that Bernie won New Hampshire! :-) The NY Times headline says:

Bernie Sanders Wins Every Demographic Group

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If you click on the above headline, it will take you to the interactive version of this map. The places Clinton won were small towns with only a few voters. Rather amusing :-) Feel the Bern!

A day of WordPress

It took days to delete photos so I could keep doing this blog. Now I am going back through and neatening things up. It took all day to do 4 months worth. It’s both tedious and interesting. And honestly…it’s often depressing! When I read back over all the sickness and pain, it’s hard to imagine that I have lived through all that. Ugh.

I am grateful I am no longer with Rhett. As bad as sickness and my disabilities have been, the abuse I put up with from Rhett was worse. In posts I mentioned some of my frustrations with him, but only I know and remember the back story. I lived it every day. I am glad he took off on me when I needed him most. That gave me the strength to say enough is enough. It’s painful for me to read and relive that time.

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This has been a bad air day and TV news says we are going to have the longest stretch of inverted air and concentrated pollution in a long time. Oh, joy! It hurt way too much to breathe as is. The timelapse is fun. I never looked at air quality measurements all day. Below is for 8 PM.

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We have the biggest blob of bad air in the country :-(

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Sometime before noon, the loud knock on my door scared the heck out of me. Meals on Wheels.

Look! Two kinds of mixed vegetables. That wasn’t on the menu, but is more interesting. The official description is fettuccine chicken Alfredo, Italian blend vegetables, whole kernel corn and cherry gealtin with pears. It wasn’t fettuccine, we got bloated bow ties with franken chicken. My guess was it was in chicken gravy? The green beans and carrots were quite woody. Not undercooked…but fibrous. The jello was vile artificial flavoring. The milk was good :-) I didn’t eat breakfast or supper….just this.

My fever is stubbornly sticking with me. There was never a moment all day that I felt OK. At least I am better off than some folks. It seems like we have had a constant procession of fire trucks and anbulances here. A pair just left. Earlier today, I thought the ambulances were coming here. Turns out multiple people went through the ice at Liberty Park. Gosh, I haven’t been to the park in “forever”. I have hardly left my apartment in days. The last time I went shopping was 19 days ago.

I realized something about myself


I love Vermont. But I have been there, done that. The biggest reason I want to return is for a decent neurologist and to be treated with dignity as a disabled person with very low income. Today, out of random curiosity, I started looking at Washington state again. And then there’s Kathleen who keeps mentioning Colorado. I have also been thinking about my ancestral stomping grounds near Skaneateles, NY. From time to time, I look up low income housing within reasonable distance to hospitals and doctors. I hate looking at places in Burlington, Vermont. I get depressed. Burlington is on the side of a very steep hill. It snows a lot. I get excited about new-to-me areas to live.

What I want more than anything else is a wheelchair lift van so I can go camping. I want to go find a new state to call home. It has to be a state that will be more helpful than not. I have learned my lesson that Republican states are NOT friendly to low income disabled people. Now that I am also 60, it should help me to be a senior anywhere I move. There are still housing choices that I need to be 62 for, but I am now in a more favored demographic. Somehow I have now shifted to the worthy poor. When I was just disabled, there was room to wonder if I was trying hard enough or really all that sick.


Speaking of sick, I was hungry in the morning, but again did not eat lunch or supper. I have had a low fever all day….and one of those stupid killer headaches :-( I am dehydrated. Time to get another gallon of milk. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate that was good :-) When I am dehydrated, my legs and abdomen swell up more than ever. Today I have deeply pitting edema. Such an enigma! I have had 2 pitchers of water today and have certainly not peed that much back out.

Breakfast was 2 hashbrowns .38, 2 sausages .75, 2 eggs .58, Mexican squash .23 , onion .14, tomato free, Hatch chile salsa .40 and Swiss-Gruyere cheese $1. That’s a total of $3.48. I realized I have been using the wrong #’s for a few weeks! I get $91/month SNAP and somehow I started saying .91 per meal. It’s 97.8 cents per meal. Ooops! That’s $2.93/day…..not $2.73. I’m rich! :-)


Looking down Cottonwood Canyon towards the valley smog

The air quality site that I usually go to was down today. I found some even better sites. I like watching the 24 hour time lapse slide show. Cool :-)

Fireworks at 9 PM that I can see with my blinds closed! What’s going on? I never saw fireworks come from that direction before. Superbowl party? Olive ran to the window to see what’s up.

I have been trying to write this blog post for hours. I give up. My brain is fried from the fever.




Somebody in Australia was bored

Someone from Australia went through a couple of hundred page views today. Are you a glutton for punishment??? I sure don’t think that I am very interesting. I spend most of my life being sick and sometimes eat good stuff and sometimes eat swill. I live in a rabidly Republican state that claims to be Christian, but sure doesn’t act like it. They fight my healthcare needs and refuse to expand Medicaid for almost 70,000 people without health care. I stress out about having enough energy and money to buy groceries or do laundry. I rail against the crazy paratransit rules. I go crazy in public housing, surrounded by cigarette smoke, druggies, raging alcoholics, sex workers, regular drama, etc. Yup…exciting! It must be Olive that they’re after :-)

I am a glutton for punishment. When I woke up this morning, I decided I might as well heat up my Sunday lunch for breakfast. It was in the fridge, not the freezer and I was too weak to cook.  The first pic is before cooking. I couldn’t figure out what the white stuff or the main food was. We don’t get menus for weekend and holiday meals. I used a fork to mix around the water with 3 floating peas…then used a finger, and at least it became opaque. Microwaved the meal for 4:44. Aha! It was uncooked instant potatoes. Definitely looks better with seasoning. But what was the main dish? The chunk in the top right corner is the core of a cabbage. It was too tough to stick a fork in it. Not sure what they call it, but there were 2 chunks of cabbage core, rice and ground beef. It surprisingly tasted better than it looked. What sort of an idiot serves potatoes with rice…especially to diabetics? This meal also came with a little cup of pineapple pieces. I threw out the pineapple. I was full of enough carbs :-o


About 2 hours after eating, I had to make many emergency trips to the bathroom. Was it the MoW food? I started worrying. Did I take the right meal from the community room fridge? I went down there to read the paperwork. Next to my name, it said to give me 2 lunches! I guess the volunteers aren’t very good at reading. Also…there were a bunch more names on the Meals on Wheels list. Some people were written down for lunches, some for suppers. Hmmmm….interesting. The paper thin guy came into the kitchen while I was in there. He wondered why he never got weekend meals. I told him he just needed to call the aging office and ask to get them.

My guts are very not happy :-( I did not eat lunch or supper. It’s all I can deal with to drink water. Now a fever is brewing. Ugh. Not feeling well at all. Immediately after eating, my vision went wonky. Very blurry and double. I have been super dizzy all day. Dang it!


The air was the worst at 6 AM and has been getting somewhat better…but is now on the way back up. The next 3 days are expected to be in the yellow zone. No precipitation in the forecast for at least a week.

The sky was interesting just before sunset…both from my window and from up at the university. Ahhhhhhh…..smog.


After watching the Republican debate, I can see why Trump is presumed to be the front-runner. They are all idiots, but he is the most interesting idiot. Sooooooo many lies from all of them! I liked when Chris Christie made fun of Marco Rubio for sounding like a stuck record :-) He did :-p Hopefully once people hear Bernie debating Trump, Bernie will win by a landslide. The average person has little to gain by voting Republican. Same old crap about cutting programs that people need, while cutting taxes on the rich. Maybe low income Republicans are embarassed at their circumstances and don’t even admit to themselves that they depend on Social Security, affordable health care, SNAP, etc.

Bernie for Pres

Surprise snow


The forecast was for 3/10ths of an inch. Nope. I took a bunch of pics and uploaded them. Google let me know they made me a panorama. Snicker…they stitched pics together so the one truck became two. I like it :-)


Last night I had half a package of mac and cheese for supper. I had the other half for breakfast with 2 cut up hot dogs. Then I fell back asleep. I thought I had left my door unlocked. Ooops! When the MoW volunteer woke me up by knocking twice, I went to the door. I was so out of it and sleepy, that I just mumbled a few things and took the food.


Today’s menu says Italian meatballs, marinara sauce, whole grain spaghetti, cut green beans, seasonal fruit. I woke up hungry, so I heated the meal up and ate it. The meatballs were just fine. I am not fond of canned green beans, but I ate them. It was nice to get fresh fruit. Once I finished eating, I realized I had not gotten my Sunday meal. Since I was still sleepy, I never thought to say anything to the volunteer. Probably the same deal as yesterday….my name was not on the weekend meal list, but my meal had been delivered to this building. I quick got dressed and found my meal labeled for Sunday in the community room fridge. Good thing I got there before the scavengers did. The manager happened to come in while I was getting the food. I again asked if there could be a sign put on the fridge door saying NOT to take things. I have no clue why he is resistant. People need to know it’s not OK to take food from there.

My voice was very, very broken. Talking took a lot out of me. My left eye shut, so of course the manager made fun of me :-( His joking around was funny once or twice, months ago. It’s not funny every day….especially since I feel so sick.


I was sitting here when there were sirens. I kept looking out and watched a giant fire truck make a u-turn. I figured they had missed our driveway yet again. Instead, they pulled to the curb in front of the next door parking garage, quickly followed by an ambulance and another fire truck. Crews got out and went into the parking garage. The second wave of first responders brought in a stretcher. They hung out in there for quite awhile, then a stretcher came out with a person on it. I wonder what happened? It was just as rush hour had started.


While looking at pics I took, I noticed the mostly snow covered foothills. Pretty :-) It got even prettier a little later when just the peaks were brightly lit as the sun went down. As usual, I was too tired to get up to catch the sun before it disappeared.


The temperature made it up to 39 degrees, so some of the snow has melted. We had bad air today. Ick.

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The sunset shows the dark bank of pollution below and the clear air above the temperature inversion. Sometimes on days like this, it’s warmer at the ski areas, while the cold, polluted air is caught in the valley…where most of us live.


Olive enjoys being a sentinel cat.


Don’t get sick after June


After sleeping a few hours, I woke up and watched Don’t Get Sick After June. Wow. I could see the parallels in my life as a poor and disabled person with the lives of Native Americans on reservations. What really struck a cord was the part about government commodities killing people thanks to diabetes and heart disease. I did a lot better when I could grow my own organic fruits and vegetables. I feel like Meals on Wheels and the government commodity boxes from the food bank are killing me. This documentary reinforced that. The government disability and food assistance I get keeps me desperate, so that I am willing to eat whatever they give me. Instead of wasting all the money on MoW and commodities that aren’t good for me…imagine if I had the money equivalent to the true costs of those programs? I could live a healthier and better life. But that’s not the point of those food programs, is it?

I wrote the above in the middle of the night. Today I was answering an email about the same sort of thing. I am going to copy and paste what I said.


underground house food walls and kitchen table

I never went hungry as a kid, but I did in my 20’s. That’s why food storage has always been important to me. I really loved my underground house :-) Walls of food and books, a root cellar, 2 freezers. The only time I have ever eaten organic food is when I grew it myself. I cannot afford it.

That MoW food isn’t benign…it’s toxic. It’s full of chemicals. Nobody should be eating that crap. What makes me so angry is how much the government claims to be spending on it. And it’s going to feed the sickest, most frail and vulnerable people. I have been watching the paper thin man die before my eyes. The VA sends him MoW and Ensure. He doesn’t like either, so he just doesn’t eat very much. He would be better off going to McDonald’s every day for less money than the government is wasting on what they want him to eat. Are they trying to kill him?
I am frugal. I have been eating cheap but somewhat decent food on my allotment. After eating these Meals on Wheels lunches, I discovered I would rather go hungry! I am in no danger of that because I have a closet of beans, rice and wheat berries. What I want to eat and what’s good for me are fresh fruits and vegetables, some meat, some dairy, some goodies. I don’t understand why the government tries so hard to give us the bare minimum for SNAP, but then spends way out of proportion for MoW and government commodities. Just give us the flipping money to eat with! As Kathleen has discovered in Texas…her MoW program serves real food. The corruption and poor use of funds in Utah is disgusting. I am railing against the injustice and stupidity.
There’s just no excuse for feeding seniors who are sick with such crap. I am mad. I am not very good at seeing and experiencing injustice without pointing it out. The people who get MoW in my building are afraid to speak up. Instead, they just throw the worst of the food out. People are afraid of repercussions. The just shut up and be grateful mindset is pervasive. I am grateful that there IS a MoW, but I am really, really pissed off about how it is implemented. Someone is siphoning off the money so that seniors get fed crap.
What needs to change is how much money disabled people get. It’s not enough. If we had enough, we would not have to spend our lives begging. The solution is for the American public to demand better treatment for the disabled and seniors…..and all people. I think it’s pretty sick that this country can spend so much on wars, foreign countries and corporate subsidies, but have so little money or respect for vulnerable citizens.


food wall close-up in underground house
I don’t know what’s going on upstairs. Is someone doing renovations? Today I started sneezing. Then my throat swelled almost shut and my whole neck/jaw swelled up. Then the strong chemical smell hit me. It’s 27 degrees and snowing, but again I have my window open and fan on. I decided to go ask what’s happening, but the office was closed. I could hear the MoW lady down the other hall. I went back and sat near my door in my wheelchair. I asked her to put my food on the counter. Then I realized it was Thursday and I was supposed to get Saturday’s lunch today. I asked. She said there was an extra Saturday meal in her satchel, but she didn’t know why. Even when I told her why, she was going to put it in the community room fridge. I explained the caseworker said I would get the extra meal today. She finally decided to just go ahead and give it to me. Seems weird I would argue for a MoW lunch, but it came with a peanut butter cookie and milk :-)
See how much better it looks with seasoning and butter? The meat seriously looked liked turds plopped into the tray. The menu says: turkey loaf with gravy, whipped potatoes, capri blend vegetables and apple crisp. I ate it. I was hungry because I had not had breakfast. The textures and flavors were strange, but edible. I definitely prefer my own cooking!
I totally forgot that my shrink was coming here today. My phone rang and it was in the wheelchair pocket, instead of next to me. I just barely answered it in time and buzzed him in. Then I did the quickest change from night gown to clothes ever. I answered my door totally SOB. Wow! Two weeks sure went by fast. I never did shut the window while he was here. He kept his coat on :-) We always talk about the same stuff….social justice, evil republicanism, our faith and general politics. I told him what I said to the manager yesterday. I was afraid he was going to choke to death :-p He didn’t think I talked like that. I told him not to get on my bad side :-)
I wish I felt better. I am still feeling a kind of sick that I can’t put my finger on yet. About a week or so ago, the quivering, buzzing, zapping came back. It makes me weak and jittery. The air is getting worse again. That doesn’t help. I just don’t know what’s causing it all….but I’m miserable :-(
And wouldn’t you know it? I have a whole mouth full of bad teeth….but in the middle of the night, a new tooth started hurting. It hurts when my top teeth go over it. Feels like when biting on tinfoil…but there are no metal fiilngs on those top or bottom teeth. Sigh….no dental care for 4 years now. I miss having dental benefits! I need the magic tooth fairy to come use her wand on my mouth.

It’s one of those days

One of those days I feel miserable, both mentally and physically. I have either been crying or on the verge of tears the whole day. I woke up at 5 AM, took meds and went back to bed at 5:30 to for another 3 hours, and then stumbled into the shower. The night sweats have been relentless…I wake up many times a night, soaking wet. I thought I had one more nightgown left. No :-( So, I am wearing a t-shirt and jammie bottoms. Yesterday I slept through the MoW delivery and today I did not bother to put real clothes on for the volunteer. I stayed in my jammies. Heck, then I threw my Mexican poncho over my head and took out the garbage in jammies and slippers. I just don’t care.

Today’s meal looked and smelled like crap. I put it directly in the freezer. I do not want to eat it. I don’t even want to take its picture. The menu says beef peppers and onions over brown rice, seasoned carrots, romaine spinach salad and peaches. I did not see any onions or peppers. It was rice on top of a franken-foods beef patty. The carrots and peaches had been poured right out of a bag and/or can. The salad looked like the last one. At least it was back to regular milk! I really hate Meals on Wheels, the pure crap they deliver and the imposition of volunteers that might show up any time within a several hour window. It seems like I am giving up way more than I am getting. If I still feel this way after Monday’s delivery, I am going to tell them where they can stick their meals.


This morning I made a good breakfast of 2 eggs .58, Mexican squash .23 , onion .50, tomato free and the leftovers from yesterday’s sausage gravy over the top (around $1.50)…..for a total of $2.81. I enjoyed it :-) My food looks a zillion times better than what MoW calls food. I have been adding to a page daily about what I get for my Meals on Wheels lunch. It’s nothing you have not seen on my blog, but it’s all in one place. If you want to be grossed out, go to that page and quickly scroll down through the pictures. If they make you hungry, I would love to hear about it…and why! https://wendythewanderer.wordpress.com/meals-on-wheels-lunch-pictures/

When I came back in from dumping garbage and recycling, the manager yelled after me that I needed to smile or be happy or something like that. Only partially under my breath, I said go f*** yourself. That’s very uncharacteristic of me. I hate this place :-( I hate how it’s run and I hate the way the manager mocks me on a regular basis. Are you sensing a theme today?

One of the times I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, I looked out and watched some strange woman get out of a strange car and wobble drunkenly across the parking lot…near my window. When the driver saw me watching, they sped off. Hardly a day/night goes by without creepy people out in the parking lot. They don’t live here and most of the time they are not visitors, either….just criminals. Sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After I had a good cry, I felt better mentally, but I feel sicker, sorer, tireder physically. I am about to go snooze at 5:30 PM.


Olive the alarm clock

I went to bed soon after 9 PM last night. Olive woke me up at 3 AM, because it was time for Mestinon. She is fantastic at letting me know every six hours :-) I have been awake ever since. I decided early morning would be a good time to stick my rent check in the box, get my mail and drop off empty pill bottles in the veterinarian donation box. Got dressed and in my wheelchair. Ummm….ooops! When I opened the door, a box fell in.


Hmmmm…I never heard a knock on the door yesterday after MoW and the pharmacy. Must have been a drop and run. A mystery person sent me a new wheelchair bag. Thank you! The old one was falling apart and I wanted to use it on my walker. I set my phone and camera on the seat as I move around the apartment. I hate to think how many times both have fallen to the floor. Now they have pockets to go into on the walker. AND…the new bag on my wheelchair is bigger, more useful and sturdier. Thank you nice person :-)

It was 14 degrees when I woke up. Brrrrrrrr!!!!!! It has been interesting to watch the weather we have already endured as it marches across the country. I didn’t mention the high winds here yesterday. Snow was blowing by in horizontal gusts.

Wow, my hip was hurting, so I got in bed, but left my door unlocked in case I fell asleep and Meals on Wheels showed up. Figures it would be delivered at 11:30 since I fell asleep! I heard a knock and a yell and instantly fell back asleep. What woke me up was sulfur getting into my CPAP mask. Eeeewwww….it’s another one of those striated pieces of franken-chicken in franken-gravy. I put it in the fridge. An hour later, I can still smell the sulfur.

Even though it’s 27 degrees and snowing outside, I have the window open. Any air is better than that yucky sulfur smell. I will need to be a lot hungrier to be willing to eat lunch! Really, people…how much extra would it cost to serve real food without all those chemicals and additives????


The menu says rotisserie style chicken, rice pilaf with mushrooms, broccoli cuts, seasonal fruit and frosted cupcake. I remember reading that menu yesterday and being excited about rotisserie chicken. There’s no “style” about it. Yuck. And it figures that the fruit is a red delicious apple. I loathe those sort of apples. On the other hand, yellow delicious is one of my favorites.

Heck, I got up to take a pic. The meal grossed me out so bad that I stuck it in the freezer. Perhaps someday I will be so weak and sick that it seems good :-/ Looks like plain old rice to me. I just finished off the cupcake and milk. I am not a fan of chocolate fat free milk. It’s a waste of 20 carbs….too sweet. The cupcake was meh. I am also not a fan of either boxed cake mix or sprinkles. Gosh, I did not realize how picky I am until I started getting these meals. If I am going to consume carbs….they had darn well better be good ones….not this dreck. I just want to be able to afford decent food and make my own choices!!!!!!!!!!! The government is squandering $7.85 on that meal. I would rather have the money and eat fresh, yummy, real foods!


I decided to have a steamed tamale for lunch. The package says it’s 21 carbs. I would rather eat those carbs than the icky boxed chocolate milk. It’s interesting to note the zillion little decisions that go into everyday life. It’s only when my ability to decide for myself is taken away that I realize how important choice really is. That’s why I didn’t like going to Food Not Bombs any more and why I am not too fond of Meals on Wheels or the food bank. I am not very good at being grateful for things I don’t want or don’t like. My real lunch: sweet corn tamale $1.25, sour cream .20, Hatch chile salsa .30, tomato was free for a toal cost of $1.75.

Dang it! The ENT doc’s office called. The doc has pneumonia so my appointment for tomorrow is cancelled. The next available appointment is in 3 weeks. My tongue hurts a lot. I was supposed to be seen in mid January. So, I called paratransit and cancelled my ride. All those people had a hard time understanding me. Sooooooo tired of my broken voice! So tired of Utah!

Olive kept meowing, rubbing all over me and patting me with her paw. I looked at the clock. She is good! Six hours again. I took my meds and gave her some treats. Who knew there were service cats? Gosh, it’s almost 6 more hours. I wonder if Olive will do it yet again? She’s busy sleeping right now.

Gee, no plans for tomorrow after all. Tonight I went out to get today’s mail and to go into the upstairs laundry room for the first time since it was modernized. No laundry was being done. There’s just barely enough room for me to get into the room, but no way I can do my laundry from my wheelchair. Darn. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. Who knows if there are still bedbugs lurking in there? Eeeewwww.




Dead electronic devices

Well…I have obviously been a slacker lately. I went to make a phone call this morning and the phone was dead. I rarely call anyone, so I forget about keeping the phone charged. Then my Meals on Wheels lunch showed up. As soon as I turned the camera on, it turned itself off. The second time I tried to take a pic, I realized duh, the battery was dead.

When I first got my chromebook, the internal camera did not work. From reading chromebook forums, I discovered it was a frequent problem and a known software glitch. Fortunately someone must have figured out how to fix it. Weeks later, it worked. It’s a camera, but a pretty low quality one. I can use it in conjunction with Google+ to make youtube videos. I can also take pics of me. Today I used it to get an image of my lunch. It wasn’t easy. There were many shots, but none showed all the food. This is the best I could do while the good camera is charging.


Breaded baked fish with tartar sauce, baked beans, creamy coleslaw and rosy applesauce. They have definitely improved the quality. The fish was still strange, but everything else was good. I really liked the beans and slaw :-) Milk is always good.

While messing with the chromebook camera, I realized every picture I had ever taken was still there. I went through and erased most of them. Whenever there is a picture I want to use, I download it to my files. Gee….when I went to see my GP last week, I took a pic of me in the exam room. It was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t there with complications from myasthenia gravis. I was there mostly about the hernia. The doctor said he hadn’t seen me look so well in a long time. I forgot about that since the hernia and then the psoriasis on my face and scalp was the focus. When I saw the pic today, I was surprised to see me looking mostly OK. I usually only take pics of me to show my drooped eyes or melting face.


I am still droopy, but I do look better than my usual mess….well, maybe :-/ I usually do look better when smiling and joking around with the GP, so that helped when he came in the room.

This afternoon, I got a pharmacy delivery. That reinforced my strange relationship with the passage of time. It seems like I just got those meds a few days ago! A month flew by fast. And the rent is due today. I thought I would be gone by now. I will never give up dreaming.

For now I will spend my hours dreaming up ways to cook all my new foods. I cut up potatoes, turned a couple of heads of broccoli into florets, shook up and chopped a head of garlic and put olive oil, plus freshly ground salt and pepper over all. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. I added cheddar cheese and sour cream.

roastpotatoes and broccoli



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