Ghost-like Mt Hood as seen from Portland

Here I am, sitting in Mt Hood NF, listening to the very swift running Clackamas River. It’s quite an improvement after sitting in downtown Portland!

I got to Portland on Friday the 11th. The night before I camped right on the Pacific Ocean. What a difference to be away from the cool ocean temps and the relentless wind. At first it was great…but the temperature just kept going up. The first three nights in Portland, I parked on a residential street and hoped I would not get a ticket.

Monday I went to a place for people who have been victims of domestic abuse. They gave me all sorts of papers to read. Monday night I drove over to Vancouver, Washington and stayed in an LDS church parking lot. Tuesday I went to a downtown organization to help people like me find housing.

I HATE cities. At first I had no clue where to park and started to cry. When I wiped away the tears, a space was right there in front of me. It said I could only stay an hour. I stuffed quite a few quarters in to pay for an hour.

The helping organization was first come, first served. There were 3 people ahead of me so I was told to go move my rig. I went around and around the block. I parked, but it still said one hour parking. Then I saw the police woman who writes out tickets. I went over and asked her where to park. She said because I had handicap plates, I could park anywhere for free and for any length of time. I burst into tears as a combo of relief and just being overwhelmed. The woman put her ticket pad down and hugged me. Wow.

I was incredibly touched. I was way over-tired and stressed and hot. Once the tears started flowing, I could not keep them in check. I waited in the helping office another hour. Just when I finally quit crying, it was my turn to be seen. When the woman asked my story, I dissolved into tears again. It sounded so sordid.

I’m considered a senior, I’m disabled, I had been in a domestic abuse shelter and my income was only $471/month. I told her that I was getting sick from doing without oxygen and my CPAP and that I needed another IVIG….and that I was running out of meds. I felt pathetic. I cried harder.

We went around and around. I can’t get more disability until the divorce happens. I also can’t get medical care until I have an address. No address, no oxygen. No address, no disability payment adjustment. No change in my disability check, so no apartment will let me in….my income is considered too low. Around and around and around. You’d cry, too. I am stuck.

Then she said they would be willing to spend $335 for one month to put me in a cheap RV park. I looked at a couple. In Portland all that are that cheap are full of pot and cig smoke and drunks and drugs and other creepy things.

I called one that was on Craigslist. The guy who answered said the manager had just stepped out. $350 for a tiny space with just enough room for each rig to open their doors. No shade. No toilets or showers. No wifi. I drove in and very slowly looked around.

Two VERY creepy women started running at me with pure evil and nastiness in their countenances. They screamed at me and asked what I was doing. I told them I had just called. They screamed and chased me some more. I got the heck out of there!!!! I drove to a chain store parking lot and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I can STILL see their faces and smell the stale smoke. They truly looked like some sort of evil trolls. Shudder….

I’d rather live in a ditch. I might get to that point at this rate šŸ˜¦ The helping agencies say the waiting list for subsidized housing is a year or two….and I cannot even apply until my disability check goes back to a single person level. I was tempted to say “Just shoot me” šŸ˜¦

I counted my money. I don’t have enough to camp in the national forest campgrounds for the rest of the month. With my half price pass for disabled people, it’s $10/night. Most of the CG’s aren’t even open because trees keep crashing down from root rot šŸ˜®

For a few hours, I had my hopes up again. I was told a few campground hosts had not showed up for the season. I found a single woman taking care of three CG’s. She was very kind and spent a couple of hours talking to me about the job. If I could get a very small CG, it wouldn’t be too much work, but I would get a free site.

I wrote a letter to the woman I was led to believe was the person hiring. Then I went back to my rig and wrote up a resume. Later in the day she showed up at my campsite. No such luck. An application has to be filled out online. Even worse, she woke me up and when I came out of the RV, I was wicked bad dizzy. She didn’t think someone like me was capable of doing the job.

What’s up with my life? Usually when things are soooooo not going my way, it means I am on the wrong track. What should I be doing? Where should I be living?

I am still freaking out about my AAA Plus RV membership. It runs out the last day of May. I can’t afford to re-up and I can’t afford not to. They sent me an email saying if there was a lapse in coverage, I’d have to wait 3 days after paying before it worked again. This vehicle is 26 years old. The chances of me needing AAA sooner rather than later is rather high. This is the only home I have and everything I own in the whole world is in it. Sigh…..

I am feeling pretty frustrated right now. I am trying to figure out what to do.