My friend Julie and I on the pass between Big Cottonwood Canyon and Park City.
Yesterday I met Rickey Gates, his mom and a guy who was either his brother or friend. We talked a while, I admired his body. I asked if he was good and going to win. He was very sweet and modest. I told him I would remember “out of the gate” Gates and look up if he won today. He did!!!! How cool is that? 🙂
Makes me happy 🙂
I don’t know what to think…and it’s getting a lot harder to think.
I have been feeling yuckier each day…not exactly a new concept for me.
I need several medical treatments that I am not getting right now, so that sure doesn’t help.
Each day I swell up and each night I have to get up many times with a full bladder.
My oxygen saturation also has been going down each day. Now it won’t even go above 90 unless I breathe rapidly…but even when it goes up, I relax and it plummets.
I know high altitudes are tough on me. Right now I am at about 8000 feet. Back when I had full-blown CHF I could barely breathe or lift my feet at this altitude.
When I woke up this morning I felt extra woozy. When I stood up, I collapsed. My neighbors at the campground have had a 24/7 smoky fire going, so I blamed it on that.
I decided to drive up the road to trailhead parking, but by 8:30. AM, it was already full and overflowing. I kept going till I got to Sunbird ski area. I got scared driving because of my weakness and shakiness.
Figured maybe I just needed to eat…so I cooked breakfast. When I sat down my hand was tremoring so bad that food was falling off my fork…and I was too tired to lift my arm and chew. It took me a looooong time to finish breakfast.
At first it was wicked hard to type, but by using just my thumb and barely moving my hand, I am managing. The rest of the weakness is still with me. Food and rest aren’t helping. I took my meds and even Mestinon is not making me stronger.
ACK!!!! Only tonight paid for, then I will go down the canyon and to church. It’s 70’s and breezy up here and supposed to be 100 degrees in SLC. I can just imagine being this weak, then being that hot. I would end up in the hospital for sure.
At this point I am afraid to be this high up and afraid to drive down. I hate dilemmas! All this is making me look forward to my air conditioned city apartment more than I ever imagined!
Unless you have been through what I have, where I have and for as long as I have, you probably don’t understand.
In several places folks talk about weather or finances or disability or domestic issues. Most people find it hard to deal with one or two issues at a time. Sometimes I feel buried in issues!
As I have said before, being disabled is a biggie. That affects everything from how a person is perceived to financial quality of life to all sorts of ways a person is able to choose…or NOT…what happens to them.
I know I am blessed to be from this country. I would be long dead without the lifesaving medical care I have received over the years. My life is truly a miracle.
On one hand I am grateful to be alive…other times I am in the depths of despair. When some people see how I walk, they judge me harshly. I cannot tell you how many bazillion times I have heard people saying I must be drunk or high. When I am in a wheelchair I feel invisible or pitied or despised.
When talking about my limited finances for RV repair, gas, camping, etc…some folks say very unkind things.
You know…some days I hold my head up high and feel I have done pretty darn well considering the cards I have been dealt. Other days I just wish the world would quit picking on me. I can take just so much bullying and criticism and nasty looks.
What’s sad is to think there are people out there worse off than me 😦
The best thing in my life is my faith in God. I am very perseverant. I rarely just give up. I have a pity party, pull myself back together and go on.
As I have said many, many times…people either seem to REALLY like me or REALLY hate me…with not a whole lot in the middle.
I just spent a few hours in a beautiful place. The fact that I am here shows how blessed I am 🙂
I hope people have learned things from me. I hope my struggles have raised some awareness.
I recently finished a second good book by Lance Richardson called Masquerading as Angels. Before he left on his service trip, he very much looked down on homeless and/or poor people. While out and about, his attitudes changed.
I have seen soooooooooo much pain out there in the world this year. I think it’s important we each go beyond our own comfort zones to understand and reach out to our fellow brothers and sisters. Sometimes a smile or a kind word can make all the difference and be more valuable than temporal riches…although they are nice sometimes, too.
If you are a Christian, I challenge you to think deeply about what sort of a man Jesus was while walking this earth. We should be trying to emulate him. There are people out there who need earthly angels. You will be greatly blessed when you fill that role.
I have seen some of the best and worst of human nature. I know whose camp I want to be counted in. Life is one long learning experience, huh?
May God bless and keep you close.
These pictures are not zoomed. I was RIGHT next to this deer that walked in to my campsite.
As you can see…the mountains and wildflowers are spectacular!
View from the RV driver’s seat