Time to spell out what I want and to look for solutions.
There are levels of what I want. I want to live somewhere with a vibrant community life. Someplace where there are organic farms, local foods, pro-active organizations into things that interest me and I have to be near decent healthcare. The situation in the Adirondacks sucked. Most doctors did not want me as a patient and I had to travel to Vermont for IVIg…but at least I got IVIg!!! There also was no public transportation. I need to be able to get to doctors and hospitals.
I miss living in the woods, but know I need wheelchair accessibility. I miss having a garden, but am not likely to have one in a city. I have no idea which way my health is going to go, so don’t know how much I will be capable of.
I wish I could afford to live and travel in a van…but that’s not practical. I need electricity for oxygen and CPAP. I also need a home base for residency and medical care.
I want to go live near my daughter and her family…but I also don’t have a clue how. The cost of living in Portland isn’t cheap. There is no way in heck that I am willing to live in proximity to people who smoke! I often wonder if I can deal with the weather. Will it make me hurt? Will it drive me crazy?
I want to live fairly close to a church building and in a reasonable distance from a temple.
Finding a rental in Portland is incredibly difficult. I still have nightmares about how futile it seemed last year. Being homeless again scares the beejeepers out of me. I am too old and too sick to do that again.
So far there’s not much of my life that I regret. I am glad for most of the things I have done. Some lessons were more pleasant than others, but they were still important lessons.
I don’t want to be risk averse. Just because something bad or unpleasant is part of life’s mix, doesn’t mean that life is bad. I keep discovering people who have gone through tough times and then just sort of froze there. That’s not an option. Nobody knows what’s around the bend. It might be really good!
When I was younger I only wanted to live in the woods. I was constantly baffled by my nighttime dreams, though. In them I was older and moving around from city to city. Perhaps those were to prepare me for now and allow me to keep an open mind. In my dreams it was fun exploring cities.
Living here in SLC sure has been different! I have never lived in such close proximity to groceries and church resources. Having my power chair has made it more magical.
Each time I go to Temple Square or Liberty Park, I am in awe. It’s a different awe than traipsing through the ferns on my Vermont land, but it’s still awesome! I am grateful I have been able to live so many different lives.
What I most want now is to be helpful to my daughter by babysitting and to be able to spend time with my grandsons. I need to find a way to be near that family without being in their hair. I need to figure out where in the Portland area that I can fit in, afford to live and to thrive.
It’s amazing to me how many friendships I have developed here in a year. That’s because I love conversations 🙂 I will talk to anybody about most anything. I love to listen to their stories. I love to have connections with people. Ironically I can remember all sorts of stories, but rarely a person’s name. Sigh…the name thing in my brain has always been missing.
I know that no matter where I go, there are always friends I don’t know yet, waiting for me.
Logistics way heavy on my mind. How do I get there from here? How much of what I own now should I keep? I don’t mind giving things away…but when I get to the next place, I want a comfy chair and bed!
What a hassle to find all new doctors! I like everybody here, except I don’t even have a neurologist.
I find myself more and more anxious to be close to family. I miss them a great deal.
So…how do I go about finding housing that is both affordable and pollution free? That’s my biggest concern.
There has to be somewhere for me. I know I ask for a lot of prayers. Now I need prayers that I will, indeed, heal up soon and that I will be lead to do what I need to do and to where I can live.
I wonder what Wendy’s next adventure is going to be?