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I got a letter from someone saying they eat a can of mixed vegetables stirred into rice. That got me thinking about what I want to eat versus what will nourish me.

The truth is, there is virtually nothing I want to eat. When I look in my cupboards or think about what I could buy at a store, absolutely nothing sounds appealing.

I have slowly but surely been pulling things out of the cupboards and freezer, but none of them sounded appealing at first. I feel like I swallowed a lead cannonball.

At first I had a box of frozen croissant sandwiches with egg, sausage and cheese. I would nuke one and call it a meal. I also had 6 premade chiles rellenos and a dozen frozen tamales. My meals revolved around those things, adding in canned beans or avocados.

As I felt better, I took meat out of the freezer. I ate the batch of meatballs for days…usually with spinach and cheese. I made a few packets of ramen, I grilled a little steak. Yesterday I made corn chowder with half an onion, 2 cans of evaporated milk, a can each of whole kernel and creamed corn, a can of potatoes and some crazy mixed up salt. That was good for 3 meals.

Sometimes meals are a smoothie. I have some frozen bananas, cans of fruit, fresh fruit, kefir and Greek yogurt.

I just wrote down what’s in the cupboard.

7 cans mixed vegetables
3 cans creamed corn
4 cans peas
1 can beets
15 cans spinach
3 cans sliced potatoes
5 cans pinto beans
3 cans kidney beans
14 cans vegetarian beans
1 can blackeye peas
1 can refried beans
1 can Lima beans
1 can black beans
18 cans tomato sauce
3 cans spaghetti sauce
7 cans diced tomatoes
2 cans Rotel
2 cans salsa casera
3 cans chipotles
Uncounted cans of evaporated milk, tomato soup and vegetarian vegetable soup (too high on the top shelf)

I need to figure out ways to eat this stuff up. It’s a lot of free food! The biggest problem is that I detest spaghetti and I almost never buy ground beef. I only had ground beef in the fridge because Rhett had requested meatloaf. In general, I am not fond of beef.

I scarfed up so many vegetarian beans because I would add ketchup, mustard, maple syrup, bacon bits and either hot dogs or smoked sausages for Rhett’s lunches. He loved Beanie Weenies. I loathe them.

So, I am basically a spoiled brat. Some of this food I like, or I can make myself eat. Some of it is not my idea of food. I can always take it back to the free table.

But…I feel guilty. By scrounging for this stuff…and not having much money, it almost becomes my duty to eat it. Yuck. I need to rethink my relationship to free food. Sigh….