After yesterday’s miracle of me NOT crashing and getting hurt in the power chair, today’s inspirational email is even more poignant.
“We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up. And He always keeps His word.”
Henry B. Eyring, Ensign, May 2012
I don’t know if it’s because I was so tired, she was quiet or that the stomper wasn’t even here…but I wasn’t woken up by her last night, the middle of the night or this morning. It was truly a refreshing change! 24 hours without being woken up at any time is a new record since the week before I went to the ER and found out I have a hernia. That’s when the excessive noise began in earnest.
The other thing I am stressing out about is Rhett. I just found out that since June he has not called his best friends. He has their phone number engraved in his heart. When his mother came here with the police to get his stuff, it was all packed in boxes and the door was open. I wonder if that woman is ever embarrassed by her bad behaviors? I was anxious for Rhett to get his things! And after all her drama, she refused to take most of it. When she got all bent out of shape about missing things, the aunt came and took what the mother had left behind.
When I texted the mom about how to transfer his phone account from my name to his, she got all huffy and said his father was just going to get him a new one. The month before that I had taken my power chair all the way to Sugarhouse and back to get Rhett a new phone. Sigh….
In the past, Rhett’s parents have kept him in their home against his will. It’s hard to know if what he told me is strictly true or just the way he felt, but to Rhett it was true. While we were split up last year, Rhett called some friends to rescue him and take him someplace else. He claims that his parents would do things like hide his shoes and take away his cellphone. I cannot verify if his allegations are true. Rhett has down the art of pitting people against each other. He will tell each faction horrible things about the other, sometimes greatly exaggerating to do it.
But wherever the truth is, he does not like having his life and choices dictated by others. Who does? As I have found out, he is not easy to live with. But…even though I don’t want to live with him any more, part of me will always love and care about Rhett. I am very worried for him right now 😦 He has been on my mind constantly the last couple of weeks.
I haven’t told the whole story about our breaking up. Just before my hysterectomy, Rhett said he needed to confess things to me. They had a meeting at blind school to discuss appropriate behavior while in the building. Apparently people had been doing things they shouldn’t. The school told them the building had cameras everywhere to monitor for safety. Rhett went on for hours without telling me what he had done. My heart sunk and I just sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks. I became unnaturally calm and numb. He never finished the story about what he needed to confess.
From that day on was a blur. Within the week, I fell out of the bathtub backwards and had my first operation. I came back to the apartment and went through hell with Rhett being mean and angry. He was mad that I couldn’t cook or help him get ready for school and he was livid when I asked him to rinse his own dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I could barely move 😦 Then I ended up back in the hospital, getting a second operation because of infection.
It was then that a hospital social worker told me I was experiencing domestic abuse and needed to get out of the situation. To this day I have no clue how she knew. Did I say something under sedation? I don’t know. She told me to take Rhett off the lease and have the locks changed. I was giving Rhett slack because he was blind, brain damaged and bipolar. The social worker pointed out that he picked and chose when and with whom he unleashed his wrath. OK…so I am an idiot 😦
The truth is that a humongous burden has been lifted off me to get away from Rhett’s almost constant criticisms and demands of me. I never could understand why he told everyone that I treated him like a king, but he treated me like he hated my guts 😦
I have to keep reminding myself what I have been through with him so I don’t cave in and try to rescue him. I hate that I act like a classic ACoA, despite counseling and reading and support groups! I need to take better care of me. It’s easier for me to take care of other people.
I absolutely love talking to folks and meeting new people. What I am no good at is finding good, long lasting relationships. I don’t trust myself to make good choices. My track record sucks.
I watch other people stay together even though they hate each other and are miserable. That’s sure not the answer, either. I don’t seem to be getting the hang of marriage during mortality. Looks like it’s a good thing we are given eternity to keep striving to improve. Sigh…..