I can’t think of anything new that I want to do or learn about. At least nothing that I feel capable of….or particularly want to do.

If I had a bigger screen than a cellphone and internet access, there are some things I wish I could do online, but that’s about it. Most things I feel too sick or sore to do. Even the library doesn’t excite me much. Saturday I missed my train by a minute, so went in and borrowed a book. It’s hard to find anything that looks interesting.

I wonder if all this is depression or realism? My brain and body hurt. Using them doesn’t seem like much fun.

Olive has been looking for something to do, too.



When I was a homesteader, I was always planning the next project, researching how to make things, picking out just the right seeds, reading about unschooling, finding WOOF’ers for summers…or a million other things. Even after my big stroke in NY, I planned and did gardens, put up food and looked forward to camping trips.

Now what? I don’t even like going to the grocery store. Going to church is grueling. No wandering around the country and camping . All my favorite things hurt too much, cost too much or are logistical nightmares. I have lost purpose. My brain hurts. I feel sick. I don’t even want to be creative. Sigh….

Even my cookbooks don’t thrill me much.