When I showed the internist pictures of the blue ovals and my real live arms, he said he thought I have varicose veins in my arms. I told him I didn’t believe him.

I Googled varicose veins in arms. No pictures or write-ups sounded like me. There isn’t the slightest bit of raised skin under the blue, like in pics on the net. I am even more confused tonight. Is the blue varicose veins? I will ask the dermatologist what he thinks.

When I showed docs my red toes, they all said Raynaud’s….except the rheumatologist.

So today I showed the internist my real face and the 2 latest pics. The internist says lupus, the rheumatologist says I have recovered from lupus :-p

Kind of like the eye doc says it’s Sjogren’s and the rheumatologist says nope, no antibodies, so no Sjogren’s.

I am seeing a pattern here. Who the heck do I trust and believe?

The internist says he is going to read the NIH article about low IgM. I hope he does. Of course, it will only confuse matters.

I was in tons of pain when I went to bed last night. I woke up with my hernia puffed out and as tight as a drum. Ohhhhhhh, sooooooo queasy 😦

I am feeling like WHY ME!?!?!?!?!?????? I don’t get that way too often. I try to accept this is the hand I have been dealt. But…I am miserable.

The internist says he totally understands my frustration. He said if he had just ONE of the many things wrong with me, he wouldn’t be happy . He used my swollen legs and the hernia as examples. I don’t think he can even begin to imagine what it feels like to live encased in pain and nausea, knowing that very little can be made better. Autoimmune diseases and the effects of them on everything is pretty intense here at my 58 year old mark.

Yes, I am depressed. At least no one is trying to foist antidepressants on me. They make me feel even worse. The electrical zaps throughout my body get even more intense with those drugs.

You know what I wish? I wish I could go to LDS counseling. I have been promised it several times over the years, but it never happened. I would need either money or a church voucher. I am still waiting on info about getting my cavities fixed at the dentist.

If I am a lost cause that no organization is going to help, they should just put me out of my misery!

Nice thoughts to start the day, huh?