Saturday after General Conference, it was crunch time…time to go buy cat crunchies or do without. There were only two bits left in the cat feeder.

I was a gorgeous afternoon! I went east on 800 and up 500 to get to Smith’s grocery. I hated to do it, but bought a $4 bag of Kit N Kaboodle. Then I went across the street to be a food tourist at Trader Joe’s. I had a free sample of pizza and spiced cider 😊 Then I got on TRAX to the library and went home.

Olive was very excited when I opened the bag. She chowed right down. Then she kept sticking her tongue out as if she wanted to wipe it off, while making funny, perplexed faces. 😼 She has been avoiding the cat food ever since. Oh, well, at least she has some.

While I was gone, people would say things to me here and there. My voice sounded almost OK for the first sentence, then I would choke. One guy wanted to chat. I made it through almost two sentences before reverting back to chopped up dysarthria. That got me some really weird looks. I think the reason I could talk just a little bit better was all the quality sleep I got. Friday night I slept 8 hours straight without waking up! YES!!!!

With myasthenia gravis, it gets better with cold or rest. The “better” right now doesn’t last long, but maybe I will improve over time. I am a lot better at enduring pain than doing without my voice! I have been in pain forever. But dang, I LOVE to talk!

I have realized that for many people, they don’t miss my voice. I am known as someone who listens around here. I can still do that. I listen, smile, nod, use gestures and the prolific talkers don’t even notice that I am not saying anything 😉 Amusing!

Yesterday I was hoping for General Conference talks about my personal struggles. I am glad there were things mentioned that addressed my concerns temporally and spiritually. Today I hope I hear something that helps me heal from hurts. I was thinking about how much easier it was for me to forgive and go on after the con man I married in Florida. He just wanted money and was willing to do just about anything to get it. I was merely a means to an end.

I am still sad about my current marriage. I need to move past the hurts….and the marriage. I haven’t heard from him or about him in 17 months. His mother wanted to know my hospital room a year ago June so she could serve me with divorce papers. I am still waiting. I think I have forgiven and I sure wish I could forget and quit hurting!l

It was a loooooong day of conference talks. I shouldn’t have started watching 3 hours before the real deal. By 4 PM I was very antsy. It was also amazing to realize how many zillion trips I made to the bathroom in that time…and how many times I screamed in pain or cried from emotions evoked. I kept looking at all the people in the conference center and wondered how they could just sit there calmly. No wonder I don’t go out in public!

I love watching conference at home 😊 I can’t wait to see the talks in writing. I absorb writing better than just hearing. It’s disconcerting to realize how often my mind wanders when I think I am paying attention.

There was a movie on BYU TV called Seventeen Miracles. Way better than sports or comedy 😊 After the talks, watching the movie probably had even more impact than this afternoon’s talks. Made me think about lots of things.

I see no redeeming value in WATCHING sports. I used to play many sports in HS and college, but no thanks ever for TV football, baseball or basketball. I am not impressed with most TV in general. Bah, humbug.

I never even left my apartment today. I could see it was a beautiful day out there. I also never talked. I did try to sing during conference and just ended up coughing and choking and gasping for breath. Maybe I will try talking tomorrow.

 

Advertisements