The pharmacy delivery man was here. There was no Mestinon in the bag. A week ago, my doc said he renewed my prescription but was afraid my insurance was going to decide he is no longer allowed to give it to me. Now I am scared! Did it not go through? The pharmacy said they would try again to get the script from my doctor.

I feel like I am hanging on by a thread as is. My breathing sucks. My chest hurts. My voice is barely a voice. I can’t get any worse!

This morning Olive walked up and down me, back and forth while meowing at full blast. I poked the phone and it said 10:25. I figured my neighbor had knocked on the door and that’s what got the cat going. I stuck my head under the faucet, got dressed, and as I was getting situated in my wheelchair, there was a knock on the door. It was my neighbor. She said it was her first knock. We took off for the park.

The whole time we were gone, my neighbor told me how droopy, swollen and awful I looked. I guarantee I felt even worse than I looked šŸ˜œ

While we were waiting in line for food, an official city car pulled up. We all held our breaths, expecting some sort of reprimand for being in the park. Instead, he pulled out a big box of homegrown tomatoes to donate šŸ˜Š Most were squishy, but yum! I got a bunch by going through the line 4 times. When I got home, I cut out the bad parts from several tomatoes and made them into a bread and tomato salad. Then I collapsed.

The weaker I get, the more I tremor all over…along with fasciculations, muscle spasms, and the ever present buzzing/quivering. That causes me to gasp for breath and my heart beats weird. It’s a downward spiral I go through over and over when I exert myself. Then all of the sudden, a good hour, day or days will come along and I don’t get so weak.

I went to see the mental health caseworker this afternoon. I like him. This time we talked about random stuff, then mostly about politics and health care in Utah. He gave me some ideas for places to contact. My voice really, really sucks!!!!!!! Every once in awhile a normal sounding word will sneak out…invariably followed by choking. The broken up speech must be some sort of protection for my airway. But dang! All that effort to suck in air to keep talking…well….it hurts my ribs a heck of a lot!!!

I asked if he noticed that the more I talk, the weaker I get, the more my eyes droop. He said yes. People here at my apartment tell me that, but I wanted to double check. The people here have been “trained” to notice after watching me for a couple of years. I wondered what a person with no preconceived notions would say.

I told him I had files of paperwork in my messenger bag that document my IVIgs and my MG diagnosis and asked if he wanted to look at anything. He laughed and said no. He believed I have those health issues. He said the ER doc who tried to tell me there was nothing wrong and that I was seeking attention was the idiot. Yes! šŸ˜„ I think it’s rather sad that I needed that validation, but there are people out there messing with me for financial gain and the fight is wearying.

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