It’s not that I want to die, it’s because breathing hurts so much and is such a struggle! Tuesday night I got so desperate that I rummaged around and found an oxycodone from my belly operation. It was part relief, part curse. I spent most of the night sitting up. No matter what I do, breathing hurts.

I spent all day Wednesday trying to write an email to the internist. Each time I stopped from tired confusion. Then later I would reread the gibberish.

I called the pharmacy and found that 2 weeks after it was written, my prescription for Mestinon was finally authorized. This time the insurance company and I played chicken and I won! 😀

Just before 5 PM, I went to the bathroom. OF COURSE that’s when the disability lawyer called and left a message. By the time I heard it, the office was closed. That should be interesting on Thursday.

I got dressed and went out to get the mail when I saw an ambulance leaving. It was my next door neighbor 😞 I don’t have the full story yet, but she hit a car somewhere, came in looking like heck and a woman told my laundry lady to go check on my next door neighbor. She found her slumped across her scooter in her apartment. She was yelling for help. I never heard a thing! I haven’t heard any more.

I went outside to talk to a man who has a disease similar to mine. In a few seconds my left eye was totally closed and talking was just too hard. I sat in the great room and read my email while waiting for some info on a neurologist from the man I tried to talk to. He must have gotten spaced out like me. He never came back. While sitting in the A/C, my eyelid came up some.

Olive napped almost all day. Love this picture 😊

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Olive loves the night. She sits in front of the window, intently looking at who knows what. Apparently quite a few people walk by and talk to her. I don’t usually notice…but if she’s not there, people want to know why the next time they see me.

I am getting very, very tired of chills and fever, then night sweats. This evening after going through the fever/chill, fever/chill drill, I realized something new is going on. Just under my right ribs, under my breast and half way across my belly, a big lump appeared. My thumb and middle finger expanded into a circle, isn’t big enough to go around the lump. And it’s hot. It didn’t hurt, was just in my way when I leaned forward. Then I poked all around, trying to figure out what is swollen. BAD idea! Now there are shooting pains and there’s pressure. The pain wraps around to my back. Shooting pain in the front, throbbing ache in my side and back. What the heck? The weirdest thing is that my breathing got easier and my voice better at the same instant the lump popped out. I think there are aliens moving around in there. Geeze! I don’t suppose this has happened to anyone else? Snicker…of course not!

I was supposed to be first, but the obnoxious and pushy woman who has been jumping in front of me for two years, did it again. She is constantly harassing me. She doesn’t believe in leaving ANY space between people in line. This is going through the line the second time. Definitely her best side 😝 What was totally hilarious was waiting to go through the second time. The end of the first folks going through were about a dozen twenty-somethings. They were lounging on the grass, petting dogs, leaving several feet between each other, chatting and having an all around good time. The pushy woman was apoplectic. She kept trying to herd them into a tight, neat line on the sidewalk. They TOTALLY ignored her 😃

I called back the disability lawyers. They thought my phone was breaking up. Lots of fun trying to explain it’s my voice. The case worker said she would send an email. I am still waiting.

I felt too lousy yesterday to finish a blog post. My brain works marginally better today. It’s even harder to breathe. While preparing my salad, I became totally soaked in sweat so that’s my hair was dripping. It was difficult for me to wash greens, cut tomatoes, cucumber, pepper and onion. I repeatedly had to stop, bend over the counter and suck in air. My legs kept giving out under me. Thank goodness for a small kitchen with not too far to fall! I also keep the walker in the only open space.

My lungs feel raw. A woman on one of my MG lists wonders if I have pneumonia. Another suspects sarcoidosis. I don’t know…the ER didn’t do blood tests. Once that ER doc got it in her mind I was there seeking attention, there was no effort to find out why I was FORCED to come by the rheumatologist who thought I was having a stroke. When I saw my internist, he was fixated on getting me to Vermont to get treatment and the fact that he was being intimidated by his bosses. Nobody was dealing with my guts, my belly, my lungs, my fever and only marginally were we dealing with my MG. I am a pretty big person. I feel invisible.

Well, we got our afternoon brightened 😊 Just now there was a knock on the door. I toddled over and found a box for Olive and I. Thank you soooooooo much!

This is how Olive gives herself away. She loves the walk in/roll in shower.

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Last night I tossed the blanket on my dresser. Olive decided it was a perfect, cozy nest.

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