The only time I talked to a human today was when my neighbor knocked on my door to see if I wanted to go to FNB. Nope! They probably forgot who I am by now. It’s just too far and too much effort when I feel this sick. Lately I throw out way more food than I actually eat. Just looking at food starts me retching.

The chills and pain got so bad that I went back to bed and slept 3 or 4 hours. Olive woke me up by poking at my butt. I have no idea what she was really doing. It felt like she was running in circles. She seems to enjoy creative new ways to make sure I take my meds on time.

This evening I had creepy chills. Every time I yawned or moved the slightest bit, I was covered in goosebumps. I had the heat turned on full blast, too! 90-something percent of the time, I don’t have the heat on. Even with lows in the teens, I leave my bedroom window open a crack. But…one or so times a day. I get violent chills, so I turn up the thermostat. The heat never stays on long and then I go into the fever phase.

While writing that, there was a commotion in the hallway. I threw my poncho over my jammies and decided to get my mail. My hallway was full of various conversations going on. I talked to several people, got my junk mail and took a quick spin around the parking lot to cool down. Felt good. Tomorrow we will have a temperature inversion with stinky air. Bummer.

Ha ha ha ha. I dropped my blanket on the floor while I drank a mug of hot chocolate. Went to pick it up and the blanket was in use.

I don’t know what I heard on the news, but it made me think about my reality. No matter how many times I talk about how little money I have, most people don’t really get it. Very few people truly live on the edge. It’s a national pastime to complain how things cost too much or how broke individuals or families feel, but few people are really lacking basics.

We need food, shelter, clothing. People forget that cooking cheap foods from scratch, drinking tap water, having clothes appropriate for the weather and having a spot to sleep is very far from what most people expect or want. There is usually a HUGE difference between needs and wants. You need water to drink…not beer or wine or soda or juice. You need a protected place to sleep…you don’t need cable TV or electronic devices or new furniture or granite countertops or decorations, etc. You need enough covering your body to be legal in public and comfortable according to the weather. You don’t need new stuff or fashion or many outfits or specialized clothes for each activity. Most people totally confuse needs and wants. Also, many people buy things even though they don’t have actual money to pay for it. That’s why most Americans have so much debt.

I live in luxury compared to homeless, unemployed folks. There is sooooo much the average person takes for granted.

We are in the time of year when suddenly being kind to the poor is trendy. Life is tough all year, then boom! Lots of news stories about giving poor kids coats, turkeys delivered to families, dinners for the indigent, visitors to nursing homes.

I loathe all the Christmas present hype. People don’t hope for gifts, they tell each other what to buy. I know ads are meant to promote spending, but geeze! The people with money, or more likely credit, go nuts lavishing junk on each other. Their homes are crammed full of possessions that get in the way and need storage solutions. Most people don’t have a clue what they own.

When I go to DI, I read all the writing in gift books. The presents are often given as obligations, then become an obligation in their new home. Stuff is shuffled around until a move or a death. Then it’s dumped in the garbage or donated to a thrift store.

When people in this apartment building die or move to a care home, a huge percentage of the stuff hauled out is unread books, clothes with tags and unopened craft supplies. What a waste!

Obviously most people are getting stuff not because they NEED it for daily living, but to fulfill some unmet emotional need. I am soooooooooooo tired of hearing people complain about how poor they are while going out to eat, driving new cars, buying fashionably new clothes, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or doing drugs. That’s not being poor, that’s making poor choices. This time of year always brings out these feelings in me.

I suppose if I turned off the news and ads and spent more time being a hermit during the commercialized holidays, I would have less reason to be a curmudgeon. I never seem to turn off my mind and ignore the irritations. Yup, I am far from perfect.

I want to be surrounded by people and actions that inspire me. Darn. I guess I need to start with me.