Interesting. Sometimes people want what I have. You just never know how you influence others.

I don’t think of myself as a very good example. I am often sick and confused and without funds. Turns out, those things are felt or experienced by the very people that seem fine and not under stress. I guess what makes me different is that I openly talk about it and am always trying to figure out what to do next.

I had a long conversation last night with someone who thinks I am brave. Ha ha ha ha. I don’t know if I am brave or just too clueless to be totally discouraged.

I have told countless people how to track down free food. I talk openly about going to see a shrink. I went to the shrink because I was so beaten down by the health care system, NOT because I was brave. But now several people think of me as the bravest one around!

Then there’s my faith in God. I have always had faith. So far, no matter what happens, my firm foundation has pulled me through tough stuff. I am a child of God, and His Son died to atone for my sins. Of course I love and respect that! I might not be able to go to church or the temple as often as I like, but the desire is there and I live my life accordingly.

On pity party days, I see myself woefully short of dealing with my health, my finances and my religion. I guess that’s why I need friends and acquaintances.

Turns out people see things in me that I don’t. They see me smiling. They see me coping and sometimes they see me crying. I sure don’t feel inspirational, but just by being me and being open and vulnerable, I have made a difference!

There are people going back to church, going to free food events, sticking up for themselves at the doctor’s office and signing up for mental health appointments. They wanted to do these things, but were scared or felt stupid. Somehow watching me bumble my way through has given others confidence to do the same.

I don’t have to be good at any of this to be a positive influence. I just have to be me and be real. Perfection would actually cause folks to give up. Because I am not perfect, but keep plugging along, that behavior helps others. So cool!

That’s kind of a breakthrough for me. I was too afraid of not being perfect. And since humans will never be perfect, I felt like my usefulness was limited. Turns out God uses us just the way we are. I feel better already 😀

The weather forecast is on. They say 50% of the country is covered in snow. We are so spoiled here! Yesterday was sunny and 40’s. Today is expected to be 45 degrees. No snow here in the valley. The first ski area opened in the mountains yesterday. The rest open this weekend. We haven’t had any accumulation down here. I don’t miss the lake effect snow I grew up with!

There’s still no word from my missing doctor. My newest worry is my left thigh. In my sleep, I thought it was a blood clot. The pain woke me up for a few seconds, many times during the night. I don’t know what it is, but it hurts deep down in my thigh. Geeze. I can’t keep track of all the owies.

Last night I put the new plush blanket on the couch, in case Olive wanted to cuddle up with it. In the early morning I found her with her zebra blanket. After noon she had switched 😀

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