It’s Saturday morning and I am frustrated! My double vision is horrible. I don’t know how my brain deals with it. Everything is a double blur. Makes me very, very queasy. My emotions are all over the place. It was miraculous to be able to see clearly, talk, walk, use my arms and all that. Now I am just plain weak. Nothing works very well. Being weak causes incredible pain. My muscles don’t hold up my neck and lots of strain is put on my back when I stand. It sucks. I have moments of feeling sorrier for myself than I think I ever have before. I want my body to function like the average human being’s body does.

My neighbor just came to see if I was going to the park for free food. Nope. I am too dizzy to drive my chair and I feel like heck. Luckily I didn’t have to explain myself to her. She already knows how I feel when she looks at me. I was thinking about all the people who don’t know me, but make judgments. They think if I could walk when I got out of the hospital…I should be able to walk now. My ex-neighbor got disgusted with me yesterday when I croaked out that my voice was broken. She could not understand me. Some people take my struggles as personal attacks on them 😦 Geeze. Nobody wants to be whole more than me.

I guess the hardest thing to deal with is knowing that I COULD be functional, but it’s not in the insurance company’s best financial interest.

I am, once again, oh so tired of being low income! In 2 days I spent $89.37 on groceries and only have $11.63 left to spend for the next 25 days. What I bought doesn’t look like much.

I write down the price of every single thing I buy. Many items have gone up 40 or 50 cents each just since last month! And some went up that much a couple months before. Now the Republicans want to cut food stamps…..and they want to cut Social Security. Unfortunately rent and food only cost more. What the heck? How are people like me supposed to survive?

It’s a bright, sunny day, but I am in a dark place 😦 I don’t know where I would be without faith in God to bring me back to the light.

That doesn’t mean things are easy. It does mean that I know where to look for hope.

 

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