I got out of bed and was astounded that I could walk! Last week on the third day of the Medrol dose pack, I could talk. This week, on the third day, I can walk. It’s my first shower since the IVIg’s wore off that I could easily stand up ๐Ÿ™‚ Then I finished cleaning my apartment….like I threatened not to do. And then I paid dearly. I had fasciculations on my face that moved down my throat and into my chest. That affects my breathing and swallowing. Next time I tried to stand up, my legs were buzzing and quivering so much that I could not hold myself up. I took a video. What I most noticed is that I need new teeth! And, that behind my glasses, my eyelids were drooping. I hate myasthenia gravis. Sigh….

I am hoping that if I sit in front of the fan and rest, I will get strong again. I need to take a video when I can walk and talk again.

Ha! The manager finally showed up to check out my apartment. We sat and talked for a couple of hours. That was fun! I really, really, really miss intelligent people to talk to. Most people here are nice, but I miss having people who just “get it”….that don’t need every nuance spelled out for them. I sooooooo need to be around more people that I can relate to. Unfortunately my voice was broken the entire time we talked. We talked a lot about the difference between people who do something with their lives versus people who are perpetually unhappy and seem incapable of helping themselves. He says it’s mostly because they feel “entitled” and wait for others to meet their needs.

I am frustrated with the typical person who lives here. I have said the same old stuff over and over again. Almost everybody has more money than me, but they act like they are poorer. The reason they feel so poor is because of the things they choose to spend their money on…..cigarettes, booze, drugs, cars, convenience foods, going out to eat, clothes and on and on. Gee….if you go to 7-11 or to the bar daily, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there’s nothing left for rent. It seems the more people have, the more bitterly they complain about how little they have. I talk about it on my blog, but they go on and on in person…..yet don’t make a budget or change their habits.

The vast majority of people here are depressed and hate their lives. The ones who bitch the most think that going to a counselor is stupid. Often the folks who complain most about physical ailments don’t even try to get better….on their own or with a doctor’s help. What spark is missing that causes the complaining but not the fixing?

Sometimes for me, the hardest part is pinpointing what’s wrong. When I write on my blog that I am bummed that I haven’t taken out the garbage or gotten my mail, that helps me realize that’s bugging me, and I soon try even harder to gather the strength do those things. When I am too weak to buy groceries, I wait for the moment that I have more strength and I pounce on the opportunity. I keep searching out doctors and counselors and lawyers or whatever resource I need to find. It frustrates the heck out of me when I can’t be understood on the phone, or I don’t have enough energy or brain power to follow through, but for the most part, I eventually get there.

So far, all through my life, once I figure out what it is I want, I get busy, and then make it happen. The hard part sometimes is defining the goal. It was easier to decide to be a farmer or homesteader or decent mother and then pour my heart and soul into it. Now that I am old and single and chronically ill, I focus more on getting through each day and exercising my mind by reading and being curious. It was a lot easier to have big goals!

I went to bed by 8 PM. The apartment cleaning wiped me out and I did not recover. I woke up choking at 1 AM. Olive was meowing at me like a crazy cat until I got up to take meds. I was hoping the left lower quadrant pain would go away with rest. Nope. I am having wicked sharp pains from either diverticulitis or the fistulas. I am sure all that cleaning hurt my guts. I also had plain old fashioned muscle pain all over me. I hope I can go back to bed and sleep until I feel better.

I am kinda mad that I wasted a beautiful day when I had more strength than usual….on cleaning for inspection. The manager says he doesn’t understand why I don’t have an aide. He says I am in worse shape than most people here…..and they all have aides. I had been thinking the same thing and was a bit relieved to hear him say that, unprompted by me. The difference is that they have Medicare. Utah Medicaid does not like to pay for that sort of thing.

I don’t know why yesterday’s post was all mashed together. I went back and put in double spaces between paragraphs and it still stayed squished. One of those mysteries of the universe I guess.