I hope I did a fairly decent job of helping my daughter understand how important it is to have PASSIONS. I have always believed that if you set your sights on something, you can make it HAPPEN. And….it’s easy to be against things, but what are you FOR? Anybody can dream, but it’s what you DO that matters.

I used to be fairly good at following my dreams. I made notebooks about what I wanted to happen, and it was amazing to me that once I had a path to follow, the universe opened up a way for it to come true.

I wanted a homestead, an organic farm, a functional house, I wanted to unschool my daughter, I wanted to travel, I wanted to find a spiritual path. As I focused on those things, they became real. I rarely deviated from my dreams. What I did each step of the way helped to make those dreams become reality. Once I put my intentions out into the world, people and experiences popped up to help me. It was as if the way was made easier just because I visualized it and believed it would happen.

Today I watched a movie that got me fired up again. It’s called The Secret. You can watch it free on hulu.

Many times in my blog, I have lamented that I am lost. I don’t know what I want. That’s still true at this moment in time. I need to figure out again what my passion is. I need to find focus. Once my Vermont ex became my ex, I left the farm, my daughter grew up and moved on and my health deteriorated, I lost focus. I didn’t even know what to dream about. This has bugged me every day since then.

I have tried to find what excites me and what I want to work towards. The obvious for me has always been traveling and camping. That’s the direction my heart pulls me. But I let all the negatives bog me down. Now I find myself unable to drive, too poor to go anywhere and dependent on medical equipment, doctors and hospitals. Can I break free from that? I am sure I could if I made that my priority. My problem is that I have lost confidence in myself and my dreams. I have settled for the status quo because to change has become scary. I hardly recognize myself.

I need to Visualize. Believe. Expect it. Now that I have two days of Medrol in me, it’s easier to think. It’s easier to dream. I have the answers within myself. I need to look for them. I need to find Wendy again. I have been thinking about this more intensely for weeks. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

I made a video today. I look and act different, huh? I wish I could just take steroids forever. Too bad it has so many bad side effects over time. There has GOT TO BE a way to treat my autoimmune and neuromuscular problems long term. Sorry the video is so jumpy. I was just too excited about being able to talk.

The big thrill today, besides talking, was the non-stop rain. We got about an inch here in the valley. There was snow in the mountains. High today was 51, but it was mostly 40’s. Back to 70’s on Monday. The trees and grass look obscenely green 🙂