For years, I have repeatedly asked neurologists and other doctors about the different sorts of dizziness I feel. The most common answer is that it’s an important clue…..but no one ever says clue to what! I have entered into one of those cycles where dizziness is debilitating. The worst part is that it is amplified when I close my eyes. So how the heck do you escape it? If I am standing up and close my eyes, I instantly collapse. If I am sitting in my comfy chair and close my eyes, horrid nausea hits and I feel like I am swirling down a toilet bowl. Sometimes I feel like I will die if I don’t force my eyes open. In bed, it’s as if I am Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. I feel that I am flying through the air on my mattress, twisting me and the mattress to and fro at every angle and I am holding on as if my life depended on it. No one has ever explained these intense and unpleasant sensations. Fortunately, over time, it fades away. I usually forget until it hits again. Geeeeeeeeeze! I hate this.


My fellow apartment dwellers here just love to let me know that during these episodes in public, my eyes are jiggling and rolling around. Whenever I ask people what I look like over-all….they usually just say dizzy. But sometimes I am told I am very red, other times very white. I don’t want to take pills for it, I just want a name to comfort me when I feel like this. Luckily, it usually lasts days or weeks, but not months.

I decided I really, really needed to cook some actual food. I sauteed some onions, red, orange and yellow peppers, an jalapeno and at the end added my already cooked mushrooms from the fridge. When that looked good, I scrambled in 2 eggs and some mesquite seasoning. When they were set, I stirred in some cheese and a cut up avocado. I ate it with Sriracha bbq sauce. Doing all that was just like the day I made beef stir fry. The weakness was extraordinary from head to toes. My legs kept buckling. Breathing was difficult. I broke out in a heavy sweat. I just plain old felt strange and awful and like I might die.

Hmmmmm….I realize I keep mentioning death. Whatever is going on gives me that overwhelming “impending doom” feeling. That has been happening from time to time for years…..especially before strokes and TIA’s, MG crisis and who knows what else. All I know is that something is not right.

I am frustrated because I wish I were doing fun things like going to the temple, doing family history, exploring via FrontRunner or TRAX, taking pics, talking to interesting people, etc…… Instead I feel awful physically, which leads me to feel guilty for feeling bad. Sigh……

Whenever I have this crazy vertigo and dizziness….movement, lights, colors, noise, etc makes me even more nauseous. Even sitting very still at home isn’t enough to calm the storm. Waaaaaaaaa! Make it stop!

It was a beautiful day in the 80’s. I never got dressed, never opened my door. Darn. Monday I have a doc appointment, so I HAVE TO go out. Maybe he can tell me about my dizziness. He will be surprised I never took my Medrol dosepack….but can still talk 🙂 I am happy about that every single day!

Olive was sleeping peacefully, then was annoyed I woke her up.


Since I woke her up, she has decided to get in her usual evening spot. She is staring out the window, being a guard cat.