Tuesday morning I had my usual breakfast with veggies and eggs. I think I used onion, jalapeno, a potato, avocado, cheddar and 2 eggs. In the late afternoon I had a grilled onion bagel with cream cheese. For supper I had a cone at Weinerschnitzel….because it was across from the TRAX platform and I had 10 minutes before the train came 🙂 I kept being hungry for real food, but when I thought about it too hard, I could not bear to eat a meal.

This morning it was all I could do to feed Olive her cat food. Just looking at food in the fridge grossed me out. Then I took a 4 hour nap and went to the fridge to try to get psyched about eating something. Ummmmm….nope! That makes me mad. I went and bought fresh veggies and my guts are not cooperating. It has been more than 24 hours since I had a real meal. Now the “I need to eat food” feeling is having a war with the “I am too queasy to eat” feeling.

I tried looking at recipes and that’s like a roller coaster. The idea of something yummy makes me want to eat, then it’s like a sucker punch to the stomach from queasiness, then that wears off and I think I am ravenous. And around and around it goes. Why am I so queasy?

While I was asleep, I got a voicemail from the DWS next door. They wanted me to do a phone interview for my yearly SNAP review. I called back and the automated message said it would be a one minute wait and there were 7 callers in front of me. Ha! It took me many, many times to correctly make it through the phone tree, then a long time on hold until a real person answered.

The SNAP worker asked my address. I froze up. I could NOT remember. I told her I lived next door and it was on 200. Luckily that was enough. Then every yes or no was a 2 syllable word. I burst into tears. Good thing she couldn’t see me. It’s the first time my voice got broken in a couple of weeks 😦 I totally hate telephones!

I do not know why I feel so sick and am having a hard time talking and thinking. Not liking the feeling at all! I think I will go back into hibernation mode.

I just spent the last few hours pouring water all over me while sitting in front of the fan. My nightgown was soaked. There was a knock on the door. I debated whether I should pretend I’m not here. I got up to find someone out there telling me I need to pick up my food box. I still can’t talk 😦 People in the community room were alarmed. I did not let on that I was alarmed, too. Just said I am burning up with a fever.

It was a bummer of a month for the food bank box. I gave most of it back. Sooooo tired of canned green beans, canned potatoes, plastic cheese and grape juice. I think I would rather starve to death.


That short jaunt to get the food and mail made me weaker and hotter. The heck with pouring water over my head, I got in the shower with my undergarments on. I figured they would hold more moisture and keep me cooler longer. It doesn’t take long to dry out here in the desert.

You know what else is alarming? My hair is falling out and getting all over. Is it in remembrance of it happening two years ago? Really…..what’s going on with me this time? Sigh…..