The elephant in the room is my extreme queasiness and the fevers. I feel soooo sick. Besides my hernia/diverticulitis/fistula problems, the very worst thing happening right now is the pigeon shit.

My next door neighbor has been feeding the pigeons for maybe a year now. In front of her window is a poplar tree. She hung lots of bird feeders all over it. Each morning, she puts bread chunks on the ground under the feeders and over in a corner of the parking lot. People have been complaining about the pigeons since day one. About two weeks ago, our sprinkler system was turned on for the season. It has been watering by our windows every night and every early morning. The pigeon shit stench has become over powering. More so inside than outside!

Under the feeders, the birds have killed off all other plants but the tree. From the little birds in the feeders and the pigeons all over the ground, bird poop built up all winter. Now that it’s 80’s or 90’s every day and the ground is being watered twice daily, it is GROSS! As someone who has kept ducks, geese and chickens, I am very familiar with the sour smell of their poop in wet spots.

There is no way to escape from the smell 😦 If I close my window, it comes in through the air conditioner. If the windows are open, it comes in that way. AND….on top of that, we have 2 new tenants in my hallway. One smokes and one is questionable. She told me she didn’t smoke, but when she came in my apartment, her clothes were saturated with cigarette smoke. So now, all day, every day, I have to keep my bathroom exhaust fan on so my place doesn’t fill up with cigarette smoke. It has never been this bad here. You know it’s bad when I think the smoke is preferable to the wet, hot pigeon crap 😦

I only talk about the druggies sometimes. They are here constantly nights and weekends, and off and on during the day. There are a few apartments here that are always full of homeless people. The person on the lease for each unit lets them in. Not nice homeless people, drugged out and drunk homeless people. The noise level is way up, the car and foot traffic is way up. Strange people keep walking by my window, screaming and swearing at the top of their lungs. The absolute tipping point is here for me. I want to move ASAP. I am busy researching places to go. But….as you can imagine….I don’t have a clue how I will pull it off, or how many months it will take. Sigh….

There are just so many reasons building up about why I hate it here. I tried being calm about it this winter, but it’s not working. Yesterday I re-read the blog post where I looked at my disability income in NY versus UT. It still shocks me. The Adirondacks were beautiful, but the doc situation was awful. Not enough of them and I had to go to VT for my neuro and IVIg. I loved my garden! And I got very, very tired of all the petty gossip, illegal smoking and stupid thinking in the complex.


That’s not an optical illusion. This is an incredibly long bus!

I don’t know if it’s a poor people thing or just a human thing, but I do not like the constant imposition of drugs, alcohol, gossip and ignorance that surrounds me in this building. I just want to know nice people who don’t spend their days involved in that stuff. Yesterday I went in the community room here and I thought people were saying goodbye to my next door neighbor. Instead they were nitpicking and complaining about one tenant after another because of how they look, how they talk, how they smell, what they wear….and it was needlessly mean and personal. I escaped as quick as possible. Usually when those conversations happen out in the lobby, I quickly wheel away.

To drive home the point, one of the old ladies I have always liked, has been doing bizarre things 😦 A couple of days ago, she ran over the maintenance man’s foot in her big powerchair. He fell to the floor crying, so she said sorry, got on the elevator and left him that way 😦 The manager had him fill out an incident report and go to the hospital. Yesterday that same woman was sitting outside with her dog. She was so high that she could not talk coherently, was barely moving her lips and kept falling asleep as we talked. She was telling me about all the narcotics she takes 😮 One day’s worth is way more than I have taken in a year.

Now that I live in subsidized senior housing, am I doomed to go from one place to another that is crazy?

Here there are unlimited docs and THAT’s a problem. No matter how major or minor of an illness or condition that they diagnose, there is no follow up. Now there’s the big fight of me versus the big money insurance and hospital system. Who do you think is going to win??? Any idiot can tell IVIg is like a magic elixir for me…..but in Utah it has become political. EVERYTHING is political. Is that just the way of the future or is it local?

This is from an August 2014 post…

2009 income $946/month (disability and food stamps)
2009 rent $124/month
2009 money to spend on needed and wanted stuff $822 (Food, meds, pet food, haircuts, clothes, healthcare co-pays, phone, laundry, tp, tithing, etc, etc)


2014 income $819/month (disability and food stamps)
2014 rent $515/month
2014 money to spend on needed and wanted stuff $304/month (Food, meds, pet food, haircuts, clothes, healthcare co-pays, phone, laundry, tp, tithing, etc, etc)


I had $518/month more to spend in NY than Utah.

That just blows my mind. The disability and food stamps are federal programs. The difference is how those programs are administered from state to state. NY adds a bit extra to the disability check. Why are disabled people despised? Why are we given such small amounts to live on? If I was your mother, sister, friend, whatever….how would you want me treated? Now that I am a disabled senior, everything is even harder. What I can do on my own behalf gets less and less.

It’s always tough to juggle the risks versus benefits of decisions about where to live. Now that I am in a power wheelchair, weather is more important than ever. If there’s lots of rain, my chair will rust and short out. If the snow is deep, I can’t go anywhere. I need some sort of affordable public transportation nearby.

Ideally, I should live in a smoke-free environment. Last week, a woman that I know with MG in UT, who also has lung problems like mine, had to go to the ER because her neighbor was illegally smoking. I hated when that happened to me in the Adirondacks 😦

I am in a very bad mood today because I feel so sick within and without from my guts, the cigarette smoke and the pigeon shit. I thought going out for a short jaunt would cheer me up. Mostly it just made me sicker in the heat and sun. Once I got back in the building, that’s when the women said I looked awful. After I had been in the A/C and sat under the ceiling fan, I seemed somewhat better. Ha!

Then an obvious drug addict walked in the door with the horrible, nasty druggy in my hall. They went to her place. I burst into tears…told my friends I just couldn’t take it any more and came into my apartment. I HATE crying in front of people!!!! Even more, I hate all the creepy stuff going on in this building. I want to get the heck away from it 😦