I could not sleep. It was a combo of feeling icky and thinking about my neighbor leaving. I won’t miss her feeding the birds near my window, but I will miss her. Then there’s the turmoil about where I should move.

Ideally, to be near my daughter and her family, I would move to Texas. But, oh, my gosh! What a can of worms that opens up! Texas is very Republican and conservative. No one hates poor, disabled people more than that demographic. The safety net has lots of holes in Texas. I have been checking on low income senior apartments. Their section 8 type housing is even harder to get than in SLC. Here it’s a 7 year wait. Only 10% of Austin landlords even accept Section 8, after you have been on the list to get it for years and years. Great.


After hours of frustrated searching, I started crying and wailing as if someone had just died. I looked at places within 12 hours of Austin. All places with horrible help and healthcare and housing for a low income disabled senior like me.

Then my mind went back to the northeast. Lots more offered, but the weather sucks. I found some nice sounding apartments based on 30% of income. I could see myself there…..part of the year.

I just don’t know what to do. I miss my kid. I want to watch my grandsons grow up. I need to find a decent place to live. I need to get decent health care. I am sooooooo tired of everything being a struggle!

Today, my daughter was going through paperwork I left with her. I didn’t remember there were medical records. She copied some for me that clearly state I have MG. I want to know why that doesn’t matter in Utah? How can the idiot hospital argue that I don’t have MG? I sure have “fooled” dozens of doctors….several in their own system. Why do the Utah docs that say I have MG start acting scared to stand up on my behalf? What does the big, bad system say or do to them? How can this place be so corrupt?

I have absolutely no desire to be sick with anything. I am darned sick and tired of living a limited life. I want to go camping and traveling. I want to feel good. I have wasted too much of my life feeling like crap when I could be getting treatment that allows me to walk, talk, breathe and all those other good things. Instead, I am engaging with lawyers and judges and creeps to fight for my health. It sucks.

Now it’s very early Monday morning. I woke up to take meds. I am at a very frustrating spot right now, with more questions than ansers. I just don’t know what to do…..or how. I know something has to change…..either me or my circumstances. I am still in shock that my medical treatment has become so contentious.