Sooooooooo sick today 😦 How much can one body take? My guts have hurt so bad for so long, that this new level of pain is just crazy. The colon to organ fistulas and my humongous hernia make me wicked bad nauseous every single day….thank goodness it’s not always as bad as today!

Olive made me wake up around noon. I did not want to move. I kept the blinds closed for the first couple of hours of being awake. Light hurt every part of my being….not just my eyes. I knew it was going to take a lot out of me to buy groceries, but I didn’t know it would be this bad. Geeze…..

It’s “run” to the bathroom day. I have come very close to passing out on the toilet a couple of times, already. My vision got dark, my head pounded and my heart raced. All I could think of was “just shoot me now”. I wanted to barf. I am too weak. How can nausea be this intense? My guts are a wreck.

Remember the very strange peripheral neuropathy I had before my hysterectomy two years ago? It’s coming back faster and faster. Not only are my hands and feet numb, prickly and tingly, but it has moved back to my whole head….and pretty much everywhere all over my body. First I feel a light, buzzy shock feeling, then that part starts itching intensely. I want to escape my body! I really hate it when that electrified feeling is on my palate or in the back of my throat…..and then it itches!!!!

The trochanteric bursitis still hurts, but now the pain is more diffuse….around the whole area. My left butt cheek keeps getting the buzzy shocks, then itches. This would make great prisoner torture. Just tell me what to say so it will stop!!!!! I have seen pictures of torturers with a live, cut off lamp cord in their hand. That’s what this feels like. Ugh! I wish I had not Googled electric shock torture. Some horrific images.

I watched Music and the Spoken Word today. There was a part about how people who keep journals or write things down, then go on to deal with life’s difficulties better. That’s what my blog feels like to me. I work out my life here, figure out how to go on and do it better next time. It’s a tremendous outlet for frustration, anger, boredom, big questions, etc. It’s a lot easier to process fun, good times, pleasant stuff and all that on my own. It’s hard for me not to have someone in real life to talk to. Around here, I never know who to trust. It’s the same as living in small town Vermont. If you complain about somebody being mean, they are probably the listener’s aunt, mother, sister, cousin. Sigh….

Every once in awhile tonight, I think I am feeling a bit better….then I get up for a drink or trip to the bathroom and it all comes flooding back. This, too shall pass…..right????

Olive says hi. Each time I woke up last night, the catnip toy was in bed with me. I tossed it out and it miraculously came back. Must be some extra good catnip! 🙂

I almost published the blog, when the van’s owner came up to my open window at 10 PM. Fantastic news!!!! She realized over time that the guy sleeping in her van used her, her hospitality, he used drugs and alcohol and he lied about things. They ended up calling the cops on him, themselves 🙂 Well…..one problem down! 🙂 Oooooohhhh…..I love the way I get some good things to balance out the rotten ones 🙂

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