Someone with a Canadian ISP has been seriously getting into reading my blog for a few days. The visitor count has not gone up, but the pages read from Canada sure have! More than 400 pages in the last 3 days. What’s up? At first I thought it was a fluke. Mysterious.
Last night, sleep was not easy. My darn left hip/leg hurts. The worst pain is from my lungs. They feel on fire inside. The lungs woke me up many times in the night, then it was my left hip/leg that made it hard to fall asleep again. I continue to feel strangely weak from the generic pyridostigmine. I don’t like it 😦
I took a 3 hour nap this afternoon….with the same sleep problems as at night. This evening I watched the CBS story about insurance companies denying care. It made me depressed. I feel like I am doomed to go through the exact same cycles of autoimmune issues…over and over and over and over and over….. I am very weary of the same and new problems always on my radar. I am burning up, my skin is creepy, my lymphs are swollen, I hurt all over.
Last night and this morning, I did some sorting. I am trying to weed out any object that’s useless to me….to put on the free table. I wish I had a helper! The piles of garbage, recycling and stuff to give away are bulky. Now I have to deal with the piles. For the first time in a long time, I started having fasciculations on my face, tongue and throat. It was a reminder that when I do too much physically, when I am weak, crisis is lurking nearby 😦
I think I have been trying to pretend that I am just fine. Since I am not so sure that I can “beat” the insurance company and get decent MG treatment, I want the idiots to be right that I am just crazy. I want everything wrong physically to just go POOF and be gone. Pretending it’s not real hasn’t made it go away 😦 Hey! If insurance companies can have magical thinking….can’t I? There are moments when I feel like I am running out of ideas about how to cope.
Another thing I am tired of….is going through the stages of grief….for the bazillionth time.But….there is something positive to say! I have been using a new hand cream on my belly wound. it bleeds every day from the skin cracking. Since I have been using this….no bleeding! 🙂 I want this to heal. It’s getting there…..sort of…..