The stress of so many medical conditions and wounds plus my fights with insurance, and doctors that aren’t even mine, has put me over the edge 😦 All week I have been on the verge of tears. The doc hugging me on Wednesday made me cry. Then this morning I had a GYN exam. My doc referred me to her because of the continued bleeding.

When they told me to take off all my clothes and get on the table, I took their word for it. First off, they gave me paper to wear. I am too big for the paper top and it ripped to shreds. I got on the table and covered myself with the stupid paper sheet. I was in extreme pain. The table was about 2 feet shorter than me. I got wicked bad cramps and pain in my left hip/leg from the trochanteric bursitis. After 10 minutes, I sat up and the paper sheet shredded. By the time the doc came in the room, I was in tears…..and tons of pain. She swabbed me for cancer cells, bacteria and yeast. Then I asked her to look at my hernia and swab the open belly wound. She made a big deal of how awful and painful it looked. That only made me cry more.

Once I got dressed, she came back to ask why I was so upset. I told her one reason was because it was the same table I used to have to be on for wound care when my belly was wide open and no one else would help me. I told her I have had it with being so sick and every single bodily system falling apart. I told her about my IVIg trial and that it has been a month without a ruling. I told her it was all getting to me and I just wanted to get the heck out of Utah! I think she was sorry she asked :-p She wasn’t very old.

I came home, parked the power chair and just sat in it and sobbed. Olive got shook up. When I got out of the wheelchair and into my comfy chair, Olive followed and rubbed all over me.

I have been crying for more than an hour now. It sucks….only makes me weaker and gives me a massive headache….but I cannot stop crying!

I don’t remember much about the rest of the afternoon. I again feel just like I have the flu….but I doubt that’s it. I feel sick and every speck of my body hurts….especially my skin and my left knee joint. It’s just like the old days in Vermont.

Around 4:30, I slithered into bed. I was too tired and sore to even properly cover me with the blanket. I woke up exactly 4 hours later. I feel even worse 😦 My ears ache something fierce. It hurts to swallow.

So, I go back to the huggable doc next week to find out the results of all the tests. The cancer results may take longer.