All of my life, people who are bipolar like me. I must exude something bipolar friendly. Many of my best friends in college were bipolar and most of the men I stayed with long term were bipolar. People here who are bipolar seem to find me, too. I suspect I like them for the same reason I really like people with Down syndrome….they are more real. Less filter, more deep thoughts, more emotion. Compared to the bipolar folks, I am calm and steady. The people who are drawn to me in person like that. I think I am a lot different in person than I am on the blog. In real life, few people know what hurts or what I think about.

At almost midnight, my phone rings. It’s my hyper neighbor that I really like….but she wears me out. Whenever I am around her, I try to be respectful and listen. Because she is sensitive, she knows everything that is going on. She sees and stores it, even if she doesn’t say it…..then she spends hours obsessing. She has been obsessing about my health for 5 hours. She doesn’t even know about the abcess and infection. She just knows I am in tough shape. Now she thinks it’s her fault. Sigh….and I thought I was the queen of guilt! She says she loves me. She says just call and she will be right here.

It kinda freaks me out when people care about me. I like it….but it’s scary. Quite a few people have put my name in at various temples and a whole boatload say they are praying for me.

I want to go to bed sooooooooooo bad! The fever is keeping me awake. Motrin hasn’t helped. I am still in tons of pain from Thursday’s choking and Friday’s bouts of abruptly ceasing to breathe. I don’t think I have any pain free muscles or joints.

It was a rough night. Copious night sweats and now my aprtment smells like vinegar again, despite the windows being open and fans going. SLC seems eerily quiet today. We have ocassional huge gusts of wind and then a light breeze. Dust is in the air, obscuring the mountains. Then rain came along. It’s raining mud. The forecast says sun and 0% chance of rain. Must be aliens peeing on us.

I don’t know what the heck Olive sees that I don’t, but she has been running back and forth between the 2 windows, meowing like a nut case for a loooooong time.

My breathing is not good. I don’t know what to do. If I were just about any other MG’er in just about any other state, I would at least be getting IVIg right now. The reality of the long weekend is setting in. Since I did not get the CT scan appointment by now….it probably means it won’t happen until after the weekend. I wonder what my doc would think if he knew I hadn’t even been scanned yet? He would probably tell me to go to the ER….and we all know just how much I love the ER…..NOT!!!!!!!!!

You know what else is pushing my buttons? The woman I trust less and less every day, said she was going to do my laundry on Thursday. She never showed up. I called her yesterday and she deflected my question about when. I really don’t want her to do my laundry any more, but I don’t know what else to do. My power chair will not fit in the upstairs laundry room. There’s a laundromat a couple of blocks away, but I don’t have any sort of bag to put my stuff in to get the laundry there. And….I am in no shape to do anything right now 😦 This sucks!

Most of my clothes, towels and my blanket have been in the laundry, by the door, since early Thursday morning. Today I finally dug out a nightgown and washed it by hand. Nothing else is cool enough and unrestricted enough to be comfortable. I wrung it out well and put it on damp. My raging fever went into shock and then I endured goosebumps and chills. It feels perfect at the half damp stage 🙂

Most people can think back and remember having the flu…real flu. Do you have any idea what it’s like to feel like you have the flu a hefty percentage of your life? It gets old….really old 😦 And there seems to be no way for me to escape it.

Dang! The remperature really plummeted. I haven’t been this cold in a long time. 70 degrees at 2 PM. Yesterday the low wasn’t this chilly. Looks like Labor Day really is the end of summer. The forecast is for 50’s at night for the next 10 days. There’s a frost warning for Park City tonight and snow in the mountains. I like the mountains here a lot better with snow on them. I realized that while watching a hilarious video from Provo, Utah. They want their own Trader Joe’s.

I have to do at least a dozen bone-headed things a day. Around 3 PM, I had normal body temperature. The sky was cloudy, so the sun wasn’t too strong. I was bored. I wanted some squash, peppers, coconut juice, milk, queso cremoso and bananas. I trekked to the TRAX stop. Before I got there, my left eye closed. I was feeling sick. I debated whether to turn around. I didn’t. I got on TRAX.

I always love going by Temple Square 🙂 I wish I had enough strength to look around. I just gazed out while passing by. Soon I was at Rancho. Milk was a penny cheaper 🙂 $1.99 a gallon. I love shopping at Rancho with the peppy Mexican music. I am usually the only person who’s not a Latino in the place. I don’t think I have ever been in there when little kids weren’t intrigued by my chair and my differentness.

I made it to the TRAX platform just as the train was speeding by. It was only 3 cars long, so I almost missed getting on. At first the driver would not let the doors open because everyone else was on. Must be the light was against him. He finally opened the doors 🙂 Soon I was home. Not much to put away, but I was very, very weak….and bleeding again 😦 Everything still hurts. Same old, same old.

The weirdest thing is that my fever hasn’t come back since afternoon. I hope it doesn’t come back! Must be all those prayers are helping. Thank you 🙂

I fell asleep early. Olive woke me in the middle of the night with a soft tap to my face. I opened my eyes to the cat by my head, sitting ramrod straight, looking worriedly into my eyes. I had taken my CPAP mask off again in my sleep 😮 I wasn’t breathing right. I was soaked in sweats. Good job Olive! I got up to take a Motrin and Mestinon.

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