I slept fitfully thanks to the drenching night sweats. Got up, took a shower and vacuumed…..all without taking meds. Big, big mistake. I knew I was weak, but was too queasy to drink water to take meds. I started to collapse several times in the shower. Good thing I never let go of the grab bars! Then I was SOB from getting dressed, sat for a few minutes and then vacuumed. I had to hold the walker in one hand and the vacuum in the other. My muscles were shutting down. I could barely pick up my feet or move my arms. I was a total idiot. I had forgotten how crucial Mestinon is to functioning at all. Duh!!!

Took my meds and wanted to barf, but I could feel the Mestinon seeping in and giving me back some strength. All the fuss was because 3 people were coming to interview me about food issues, hunger, SNAP, barriers to buying good food, etc. It was deja vu. Almost 32 years ago, a group of politicians, doctors and scholars came to visit me, and brand-new Heather, at our cabin half a mile into the woods in Vermont. It was December 1983. We ended up on the front page of the Bennington Banner newspaper.

The article says “The 112-page report of the Citizens Commission on Hunger in New England said hunger was ”the result of clear and conscious actions taken by government leaders.”  At the time, Reagan said there was no evidence of hunger in America! Here’s another story about the Citizens Commission on Hunger in New England. When I hear people talk about how great Reagan was, it’s obvious to me that we were living on different planets. He asked for a moratorium on disability claims, he declared ketchup a vegetable, he pushed the idea of “welfare queens”,  he didn’t think people were hungry…..and a whole lot more. It’s a favorite political gambit to find the worst possible scenario ever encountered and make it seem like everyone else is just a degree of that. Very not true.

Well, today I signed a release so the Utah group can use my picture or words. At least I know this time! I was excited to talk about my experiences in Utah. What I didn’t expect was that after the stress of the last few days and the physical weakness, I ended up crying. I hate crying!!!!! I felt so stupid crying in front of three young women.

Unfortunately, I was the first of many that they plan to interview. I wish it had been more like sitting down and having a friendly conversation. They were unsure of themselves and I went and bummed them out by crying. Sigh…. I hope their work ultimately makes a difference in how low income people are perceived and treated.

The Utah legislature has extremely skewed ideas about who the poor are and why they exist. Listening to the daily rhetoric about expanding Medicaid gives me a very big dose of daily hate.

Today is reminding me of the old days when I would feel vaguely awful. Just sick and sore and uncomfortable and moody. Then in a few hours, my period would start and I knew why I felt that way. Today is like that. I have either been crying or on the verge of tears all day. I fluctuate between burning up or having goosebumps. I have been non-stop queasy and feel sick. My lungs feel on fire inside and the all encompassing weakness is persistent, scary and annoying. Just about everything hurts. Ugh….

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