I like this 🙂 Even though my mental health counselor doesn’t think I am clinically depressed, I have been wondering if I am. Ever since I got the ruling from the judge, I went from hopeful to taking all this very personally. I feel like more of a victim than a fighter. I don’t like being in this mental space.

I would like to think that somehow I will find a way to fight back. There has to be a solution. I keep getting stuck on the “I have no money” part…..and then I think of all the smaller obstacles, too. This used to be easier. Sigh….

Eeeyore gets to go on adventures. I want to go on some, too! I still have friends, but it seems that no matter who I am talking to, I end up crying. Today my home teacher came to visit, and brought a new guy. Somehow I have missed all the news. I looked in my email and see why. I have not gotten a church newsletter since September 15th. We have a new bishop and the LDS stake south of us has dissolved and some of their wards are now in our stake. The new guy who came to see me is a counselor in the new bishopric. The new bishop is also fairly new to our ward. I don’t know him.

The two men who visited said they stayed late after church to deal with tithing envelopes. I just discovered in the last month that I can now do tithing online. I have been checking for months. One guy said online tithing became available to our ward just 2 months ago. Must be it was right after I checked last. Now I have no monthly need for stamps. Yes!

Well….of course I ended up bursting into tears in front of those guys 😦 Talking about the judge’s decision that it’s OK to ration my healthcare for the tax payer’s sake is tear-worthy every single time. The weaker I get, the more frustrated and tearful I become, the more left behind I feel.

And ohhhhhh, yeah…..doing my laundry has long term repercussions. I think that $10 was well spent. Now if only there was someone reliable to pay….