The buzzing, quivering, zapping has morphed into tremors. I hate tremors 😦 I had been feeling tremors for a few days, but as usual, felt like they were somehow my fault at first. It wasn’t until I was in line at Trader Joe’s that I realized my tremors were obvious to everyone. I started to cry. My body wanted to burst into tears. I stayed somewhat calm until the tears dried up. I am not very good at doing that.

I hate tremors, I hate symptoms coming back, I hate needing healthcare. Last time the buzzing, quivering, zapping was accompanied by muscle spasms and tremors, I ended up in ICU. Now if I get bad, I cannot even get IVIg because saving my life would inconvenience taxpayers. I just burst into tears now to make up for earlier 😦

I did not take morning meds. Therefore I was able to leave the apartment. It was 32 degrees, so I put on my Ugg boots for the first time this season. I also wore my big, warm coat that I got at the thrift store this summer. The winds were light today. It had been 15 days since I last shopped.

It was tough to get excited about food. I didn’t buy all that much, but spent $70.40 and have very little to show for it. Each time I shop, basic food costs more than the time before. That amount of money is supposed to cover 71 meals! On what planet is that possible?

Came home, put away the food, took meds and heated up leftovers from last night. Soooooooooo frustrating to eat!!!!! More food shook off my fork than made it to my mouth for each attempt. I had salmon, bacon and brussels sprouts all over the chair, floor, table and down my nightgown. Olive decided she liked the salmon on the floor.

The other thing that I somehow felt was my fault the last few days, are the chills that have come back. Today the chills are kinda crazy, I had on my fleece robe and the heat was turned on, and was still shivering. Now I am in my lightweight nightgown with no heat on…and am too hot. I sure hope this is not the beginning of another infection! Also, the killer headache has been racheting up in pain ever since I woke up.

My left eye has been twitching all day. Several times while I was gone, it closed. I just feel all-over unwell and weak. It hurts pretty bad to breathe….and it’s often a struggle to take a deep breath. That brings on yawning and choking attacks. Pffffffttttttt……

Every few days I Google free Thanksgiving dinners in SLC. Geeze….it’s just like every year. No info until after they happen. There was a dinner yesterday at the stadium where the Jazz play. I would not have gone out in that cold wind for the best meal I ever ate. I might have thought about it, though. I cannot figure out how people get Thanksgiving and Christmas baskets. Last year, after the holidays, I joined FB pages for groups I thought might offer stuff like that. No such luck. I guess us poor people aren’t supposed to be getting our info online. How the heck do people find out this stuff?

I looked around online to see if there was such a thing as food banks for diabetics. What a joke! They push the same old high carb crap and say it’s good for diabetics. What’s good is a low carb diet…..not whole wheat pasta….NO pasta! Grrrrrrrr…… If only someone like me could aford to eat what’s in my own best health interest!

I was hoping to find some sort of turkey product for my Thanksging dinner. I couldn’t even find something like a turkey breast at Smith’s. I did see some turkey choices at Trader Joe’s….but dang!, they were expensive. I am still holding out hope that I can find a free Thanksgiving dinner to go to. No way do I want to go to the Rescue Mission. People are regularly knifed or beat up while waiting in line in that part of town. I am a sitting duck in a wheelchair.

Whoa….interesting stuff. I was trying to figure out how to get rid of the buzzing, quivering and zapping. In New Age terms, it’s thanks to Ascension Kundalini symptoms. I have been bumping into these folks ever since Heather was born. Random people would walk up to me and tell me that Heather is here to take us from one dimension into another. This started happening frequently as soon as she was born. Freaky.

Fast forward quite a few years. When I was in Vermont and was still doing the farm, I traded CSA veggies for weekly acupuncture. The woman who poked needles into me was a very spiritual person. She had studied in China. She had a husband who she would somehow do deep consciousness sessions with. I don’t know the right words. She met Heather and immediately said the same things all those random strangers had said after Heather’s birth. Then she talked to her husband about Heather. While in his “seeing” phase, he told fantastical stories of space ships and switching dimensions….and Heather was part of it. You know….it’s mind blowing to hear the same sort of thing from all sorts of people, all over the country.

Every once in awhile, I think of that stuff again. There are way too many personal and private experiences to mention. I, too, have had things said about me and have had weird dreams since childhood that are part of this. It’s not the sort of thing to blurt out to just anybody. I have flirted with and rejected, almost simultaneously, most New Age trappings. I even went to a light worker. Then, when Heather came up missing at 14 years old, a spiritual psychic contacted me through a friend. She then came to my underground house, called on the power of God and angels….and proceded to tell me what Heather had been thinking, where she was and that it would be a long time until I saw her again, but everything would be OK. She was correct.

Just now I was trying to find her name by Googling what I could remember about her. Instead, I stumbled on a book written by Karen Wetmore about CIA experiments in Vermont. I knew a guy name Dan Wetmore. I wonder if/how they are related? Anyways, I am sitting here, watching Granite Flats, a BYU TV program that I think is fantastic. At the same moment the characters were fighting about MKULTRA, it was mentioned in Karen’s book. OMG!!!!! I did not realize it was a real thing and I had no idea it would be uttered in the same sentence as Vermont. Life is full of absolutely fascinating twists and turns.

Geeze!!!! Granite Flats ended and now everything on the news is about an Air France flight that was diverted here to SLC because of a bomb threat. And the next news story is about the new mayor of SLC that I voted for. She’s a lesbian with an adopted little black kid. That ought to get the bigot’s panties in a wad :-p And Prpostion One lost…which I voted against. It would have made sales tax go up. 40% of the money would have gone to UTA. Last year top UTA brass got bonuses up to $30,000. And UTA service sucks. Just look at me and paratransit. Today the story broke that UTA people along with politicians went on a jaunt to Switzerland…the same politicians that are so against Medicaid expansion. This place is sooooo corrupt 😦

Lots of food for thought.

Advertisements