I sincerely want all the pain to stop! The pulled muscle on my left side isn’t getting better. The bloat and new left sided hernia are wicked, wicked painful. I went back to bed this morning and slept a few more hours. But when I woke up, the intense pain was back. For awhile, I could not reduce the left sided pop out, but later it went back in. Relief is almost instant when I am able to push the intestines back to the other side. But…..it inevitably starts hurting again later. Makes me wish I could poke a hole in my belly to let the gas out 😮

Tonight everything hurts even more than earlier. It changes my mood. I am not as patient, I am just resigned. The world gets crazier each day. Olive has been worried about me. She has spent a lot of time rubbing up to me or lying pressed into my side or back. She reminded me to take meds.

You know what’s ironic??? I finally got eggs and then some other food last week, but now eating hurts too much. I found myself craving ice cream because it goes down easy and requires no preparation. But I am sure if I had some, it would make me queasy just to look at it. My guts are never happy!

I guess there is nothing to do that will stop this abdominal pain. I am frustrated. I have a doc appointment coming up, but it’s with the hematologist. He’s pretty useless as a doctor…..nothing like the great hematologists I had in VT and AZ. He acts like he is going senile. I wonder what I will think about him this time? I have plenty of cluelessness on my own. I don’t need to visit clueless doctors. This is my 3rd year, 3rd regularly scheduled appointment with the guy. He never does anything with my blood test results. It was my internist who got me the last blood transfusion.

I am very frustrated because I want to leave Utah…but have no way to do that. Therefore, resignation is my middle name. Each time I have a dream, it gets shot down 😦 I don’t even know how to dream right now. My life is just sitting in this chair, all alone except for Olive. I am a big ball of pain and frustration on a dead end street. Thanksgiving was a bust and Christmas looks to be the same. This time of year just plain sucks. Dark, gloomy weather and other people are having more fun than me. Yup….feeling sorry for myself. As usual, I feel like I live in this world, but rarely participate in it. I am pretty much always too poor or too sick to go anywhere or do anything. I think I have cried my way through every holiday this year. Tired of it.

A simple, but good post. Being Poor.

From a study…..

38% of people believe disabled people are a burden on society.

More than 1 in 4 disabled people say they frequently do not have choice, or control over their daily lives.

65% of people have admitted they avoid disabled people because they don’t know how to act around them.

I am feeling those statistics. Too bad they are true. Probably trying to explain my life sounds like I want pity. Nope. I want understanding. I want the understanding for me and for everyone like me.