“Social isolation is a killer” “Social isolation can speed up dementia and you can die of a broken heart. We all need social interaction.”

I got too much interaction today. I took TRAX to the hospital complex. That’s when I realized I felt way worse moving than when I just sit quietly at home. The whole way there my nouth watered like crazy. I had to keep swallowing and try to stay as calm as possible. Barfing felt imminent. And of course I got a bad TRAX driver. He made the train stop and start and move in lurches. The first time we lurched, I lost my eyesight for a few seconds…and then got ohhhhh sooooo dizzy 😦

I went in the only truly wheelchair friendly stall in the hospital. Sat in the stall and tried to stop the “seasickness”. Then I splashed cold water on my face and did the long trek through halls, elevators and sky bridges to the cancer center. My undoing was being assigned to a very nice nurse to draw blood from my port. She asked me how I was doing. I told her I was awfully queasy. She then asked a whole bunch more questions.

She was very upset about my hernia. She wanted to know why nobody was seeing me for that. I told her I had already seen surgeons who said an operation would kill me. Well….it was her turn….to kill me with kindness. I can stay tough until someone is overly empathetic, then I dissolve into tears. Sigh…

Back to the waiting room until another nurse came to get me. We crossed paths with the surgeon that cut me open 919 days ago 😦 The nurse did vitals. I blame my high blood pressure on seeing the surgeon :-p It was 120/90.  I was put in a room at exactly noon. She said I was the doc’s first patient of the day and he would be in soon. 20 minutes later, some other guy came in. He was way livlier than the hematologist, so I asked lots of questions about internal bleeding related to my guts and the hernia. I told him the the top of the wound just healed for the first time. He jumped on that fact and said that’s why my anemia is better. But when I asked him if the ripping hernia causes internal bleeding, he said no.

He acted snarky. Said he looked at my records and the SFEMG test showed I did not have MG. I told him the neuro had not tested around my eyes because he said I have ocular MG and that wasn’t the issue because nobody gives IVIg for ocular MG. The rat bastard neuro told the judge that. Now the U is claiming I don’t have any form of MG. I have papers from the U saying I DO have ocular MG. I wish I could get away from these idiots! Anyway, in the young guy’s mind, he has read that the neuro says I don’t have MG, I have conversion disorder….so must be the hernia is more of the same. He made me bare my belly so he could look at it. I could tell he was surprised it was so huge. He left and got the senile doc.

In one sense, I feel bad for the guy. I know how it feels to be lost and confused. But why is he still practicing??? He didn’t say much other than I must be eating more iron-rich foods. (Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha) I can’t even remember the last time I ate beef. There were a few uncomfortable silences while the hematologist stared straight ahead. Then he said I did not need to see him anymore. I thanked him and that was that. The young guy said my blood test results should be ready tomorrow.

I was not as queasy on the way home on TRAX. Instead, I was dizzy and zoned out. I hardly remember the trip home. At some point, Olive reminded me to take meds after I had been here awhile. I can’t remember the late afternoon/early evening. I do have another one of those killer headaches. Of course the whole hernia thing hurts. I keep forgetting to mention that I continue to have vinegar night sweats and every evening I have ammonia breath. A couple of nights ago, the night sweats were like lard in my hair. I don’t remember having my hair that bad ever before. Seriously….it’s as if each hair was coated in lard. It was even hard to wash out. I am just glad that my belly is healing shut 🙂

Next week….another exercise in frustration. It will be the first time I have gone back to see the neuro-opthalmologist. Hopefully he can tell me what’s going on with my left eye. He’s the guy that fought longer than any doc to get my IVIgs. He also got reprimanded for it. Might be a tense visit?

Olive is watching the storm blow in. The temperature dropped 15 degrees in minutes. When the cold air hit the salt lamp near the cat, the light bulb blew. Wish I could have gone outside for sunset pics! Totally cool when just the tip tops of the mountains were lit up Looks like fire behind the mountain. Nice sunset 🙂