The first guy I ever married was a sociopath. He was born to lie. I read this article and wow….that describes it alright. The article says being involved with a sociopath is like being brainwashed. I was the empath, he the sociopath. It certainly changed the way I see the world! I still can’t believe he fleeced me of my money and my house…and how he twisted everything around to make it happen. Empathic People Are Natural Targets For Sociopaths – Protect Yourself.

I have been involved with other sociopaths. It never ends well. My biggest defense is to just walk away. Better to lose things than lose my soul. I would rather be me with nothing than to get further tangled in their web.

Here’s another article about sociopaths. It spells out the pattern in a systematic way. One in 25 people fall under the classic definition of a sociopath. In other words 4% of people possess no conscience at all. Sociopaths can do whatever they want because they are not limited by social rules and never burdened by feelings of guilt, sadness, ethics or accountability. No inner voice makes them feel immoral, unethical, neglectful, or selfish. As such sociopaths can do absolutely anything they want.

Gee…..and there’s mention of another type that I have clashed with. Both the narcissist and sociopath lack remorse and conscience, and both are driven by the need to dominate and control othersThe main difference between the two is that the narcissist desperately needs others to validate him, while the sociopath doesn’t care what others think of him. The narcissist has a terribly fragile ego and absolutely no sense of self, and needs others to prop him up by worshiping and admiring him at all times. He needs this admiration like the rest of us need air, and will surround himself only by persons who are prepared to continually revere him and agree with everything he says.

What’s scary is each of us have a few traits similar to the energy vampires and soul suckers. I think they are normal in small amounts. When we examine ourselves, do we really know about or see our own strengths and flaws? The good news for me is once bitten, twice shy. I have gotten better at fleeing instead of staying in a bad situation, trying to make it better or wait for it to get better. Some people will just always suck the life out of you with lies and manipulations.

I woke up 2 1/2 hours after falling asleep. I was wicked hot….but not feverish. And I wasn’t having night sweats. If I had been sweating, I would have been able to cool down. I got up and sat in front of a fan for an hour and a half. Then I wondered what my blood sugar was. 279! Lately it has been in the 90’s to 120. What the heck?

The other reason I woke up is that I couldn’t suck in enough oxygen. The mask felt like it was suffocating me.

I went back to bed at almost 5 AM. I heard the maintenance man knock, yell and come in around 8, but stayed asleep. I woke up around 9:30 and he was still here! Turns out he had to replace 2 different kinds of switches. When he was done, he even mopped up the floor 🙂 The heater-A/C is much like the rest of my life. I knew there was something wrong, but it was intermittent. Sometimes the manager or one of the maintenance men could reproduce the symptom, sometimes they couldn’t. After I complained again each time after something was “fixed”, I would get the eye roll and the look…like I was just complaining too much or maybe even making it up. In the end, I was right…but it took persistence to get the issue dealt with.

That’s one reason I have not complained about my faucet yet. At first I thought the guy had done an OK job, but now I realize he didn’t. The water pressure is about half of what it was and the handle does not work right. And….now water sprays all over from the aerator. Geeze.

Speaking of geeze! Today the heater had to be on for Mr Fix-it to repair it. By the time he left, it was stifling in here. I had to open the window when he left. This is the air quality and how the air looks. Choke, choke….cough, cough….sigh……

This afternoon, a woman showed up with my Lantus, but this time they forgot my ibuprofen. It was supposed to come with the other meds the last week of December. They just plain forgot about it. Apparently the script ran out and no one thought to get it refilled from my internist. This pharmacy specifically advertises they do that and deliver meds a month apart. From what I have seen lately, they have a whole new crew at the pharmacy. I wonder what went down? I hope they get smarter and more coordinated as they settle in. I specifically chose them so *I* don’t have to think. They had said a child answered my door last time. Turns out a kid answered my OLD phone number, from more than a year ago. The pharmacy calls me regularly, but on their hand held device, nothing has been updated. It still says I live in apartment 100. Nope….not for about 20 months…yet the paperwork I get from the pharmacy has the correct address. What a PITA.

This afternoon, a fire department truck drove in. Two guys got out….one with a clipboard, the other with a stethoscope around his neck. Usually those people show up when someone has died in their apartment. I have no idea what’s going on. Lately I have heard many variations on each bit of gossip. It’s hard to know who to believe. There are several people in really rough shape with apartments here. A few are moving to assisted living, some are ready to pass any day now. One of the joys of living in a senior apartment building. We are all dying to get out of here.

Most of the time, my voice does not work. Sometimes I can say a sentence or two before my voice quits. That is soooooooooooo frustrating!!!! As always….I really hate the telephone 😦 I tried to talk to my neighbor today out in the hallway. After a couple of minutes, I spend more time sucking in big gulps of air than using words. Then the seam down the middle of my chest hurts like crazy. Sigh….Yup, that’s why I like being online. Nobody can tell I sound broken….and unless I tell you, you have no clue how many hours it takes to talk by typing. I can be normal 🙂

Olive spent much of her day asleep in the corner. Now that it’s dark, she is super-charged with energy :-/


Something creepy is going on. Fire truck, ambulance and COPS drove in just before 8 PM. I stuck my head out the door to see what was going on. It looked like the manager was here?!?!?! The crews went down the other first floor wing. For several days now, my friend Gordon has been on my mind. I hope he is OK. That hallway is also full of other, more obvious people, in tough shape. I feel more creeped out than usual 😦 OMG! All the sudden there’s a whole flotilla of cop cars that just pulled in. Ohhhhhhhh……this is sooo not good 😦 Now I am officially scared. I am shaking all over. My heart is doing some major pounding.

Did the very crazy woman in that hall kill her boyfriend? Did the 2 guys who share an apartment, who supposedly got evicted commit suicide? It must be something with violence if so many cops are here? There’s a really fragile, skinny single old guy, my friend Gordon who is always falling, a black/white couple who seem quite peaceful, an older woman with mild mental health issues….and maybe one or two more apartments?

Some of the cops are still here almost 2 hours later. Each time I stick my head out in the hallway, I can see the manager running back and forth. The RA came back from somewhere and now she is out in front of the office. I can’t figure any of it out. My guts hurt from the stress. I guess we will all have to wait until tomorrow to find out what awful thing has happened this time.

I really, really, really want to move!