It’s interesting that I could live 60 years….struggling with identifying people…..and thinking it was all my fault. I must have heard a bazillion times that I just wasn’t paying enough attention or trying hard enough….or some other guilt-inducing comment. How was I supposed to know it’s a brain glitch and not my fault? It has always made me crazy that people suggested using some sort of mnemonic or association to remember names. That didn’t help!!!

I have talked about my difficulties recognizing people numerous times. It has been tough in this building. After 3 1/2 years, I still don’t know who some people are. I have explained to a few that I have a hard time telling them apart….which usually makes them wrinkle their noses and be offended…..how could I confuse them with that person!?!?!?

Most of my life, I have warned people that if they meet me on the street, at the grocery store or in church, I am NOT snubbing them when I don’t know who they are. I have specifically asked people to introduce themselves each time they meet me. In groups, I was always the one begging for name tags.

More and more I am discovering that lots of guilt in my life was from stuff I had no control over…..like left/right, illnesses, memory, recognition, etc., etc…..

Oooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!! Upon further study, face blindness is thought to be linked to various neurological phenomena such as synesthesia, dyslexia, and prosopagnosia. I will never forget when I first learned about synesthesia. I turned to Peter and Heather and said not everybody is like that?!?!?!?!? I have actually been thinking about synesthesia a lot lately. I was wondering when it disappeared. I believe West Nile Virus just about killed it 😦 I have felt lonely for it ever since. WNV made me psychotic for awhile. I only know what psychotic feels like because an antibiotic did that to me for a few hours in the hospital…..a long, long time ago.

For me, being psychotic was like having every TV and radio station in the world going at the same time….with some jerk constantly changing channels. Bits of music, talking and flashes of colors and pictures went by too fast to hear or think. When WNV made that happen, my brain was swelling. That’s when I became hypersensitive in all ways. I only lately learned that’s called flooding. I went for months with no TV or radio at all. I could not deal with sensory overload. The quiet used to freak people out who came to visit.

I bought a TV 14 months after moving in and a radio after that. At first I hardly listened to either. Now I cannot stand quiet because then I hear tinnitus in my head that is too loud to think. So…..after the WNV brain swelling, the synesthesia faded away. No more pleasant colors, swirls and tastes. BUT….when I got IV steroids and IVIg last February, it all came back for awhile. That’s part of the reason I was so happy 🙂

FoodMaybe

As far as I can tell, guilt is not a cat emotion. All my dogs felt guilty when they knew they shouldn’t be doing something. Cats look you in the eye and do whatever it is proudly :-p Olive was checking out my Meals on Wheels dinner in this picture. She’s not a fan of the flash!

meal

I am seeing a pattern here. Friday I got cornbread with a side of corn. Today’s meal has peas under the chicken and sugar snap peas on the side. Since this is a frozen meal and the senior center was closed today, there is no menu to describe what I got. At first it smelled like fish, but then I realized it was some sort of processed chicken. The meat was sort of expanded and airy….definitely not a cut of real chicken. The sauce? Slightly sweet, bland and nothing I would make! Snicker…. The fruit was peach slices with diced pears? I can tell I need to keep a sense of humor about these meals.

Advertisements