After sleeping a few hours, I woke up and watched Don’t Get Sick After June. Wow. I could see the parallels in my life as a poor and disabled person with the lives of Native Americans on reservations. What really struck a cord was the part about government commodities killing people thanks to diabetes and heart disease. I did a lot better when I could grow my own organic fruits and vegetables. I feel like Meals on Wheels and the government commodity boxes from the food bank are killing me. This documentary reinforced that. The government disability and food assistance I get keeps me desperate, so that I am willing to eat whatever they give me. Instead of wasting all the money on MoW and commodities that aren’t good for me…imagine if I had the money equivalent to the true costs of those programs? I could live a healthier and better life. But that’s not the point of those food programs, is it?

I wrote the above in the middle of the night. Today I was answering an email about the same sort of thing. I am going to copy and paste what I said.

OurTableAndFoodWalls

underground house food walls and kitchen table

I never went hungry as a kid, but I did in my 20’s. That’s why food storage has always been important to me. I really loved my underground house 🙂 Walls of food and books, a root cellar, 2 freezers. The only time I have ever eaten organic food is when I grew it myself. I cannot afford it.

That MoW food isn’t benign…it’s toxic. It’s full of chemicals. Nobody should be eating that crap. What makes me so angry is how much the government claims to be spending on it. And it’s going to feed the sickest, most frail and vulnerable people. I have been watching the paper thin man die before my eyes. The VA sends him MoW and Ensure. He doesn’t like either, so he just doesn’t eat very much. He would be better off going to McDonald’s every day for less money than the government is wasting on what they want him to eat. Are they trying to kill him?
 
I am frugal. I have been eating cheap but somewhat decent food on my allotment. After eating these Meals on Wheels lunches, I discovered I would rather go hungry! I am in no danger of that because I have a closet of beans, rice and wheat berries. What I want to eat and what’s good for me are fresh fruits and vegetables, some meat, some dairy, some goodies. I don’t understand why the government tries so hard to give us the bare minimum for SNAP, but then spends way out of proportion for MoW and government commodities. Just give us the flipping money to eat with! As Kathleen has discovered in Texas…her MoW program serves real food. The corruption and poor use of funds in Utah is disgusting. I am railing against the injustice and stupidity.
 
There’s just no excuse for feeding seniors who are sick with such crap. I am mad. I am not very good at seeing and experiencing injustice without pointing it out. The people who get MoW in my building are afraid to speak up. Instead, they just throw the worst of the food out. People are afraid of repercussions. The just shut up and be grateful mindset is pervasive. I am grateful that there IS a MoW, but I am really, really pissed off about how it is implemented. Someone is siphoning off the money so that seniors get fed crap.
 
What needs to change is how much money disabled people get. It’s not enough. If we had enough, we would not have to spend our lives begging. The solution is for the American public to demand better treatment for the disabled and seniors…..and all people. I think it’s pretty sick that this country can spend so much on wars, foreign countries and corporate subsidies, but have so little money or respect for vulnerable citizens.

FoodWall2

food wall close-up in underground house
I don’t know what’s going on upstairs. Is someone doing renovations? Today I started sneezing. Then my throat swelled almost shut and my whole neck/jaw swelled up. Then the strong chemical smell hit me. It’s 27 degrees and snowing, but again I have my window open and fan on. I decided to go ask what’s happening, but the office was closed. I could hear the MoW lady down the other hall. I went back and sat near my door in my wheelchair. I asked her to put my food on the counter. Then I realized it was Thursday and I was supposed to get Saturday’s lunch today. I asked. She said there was an extra Saturday meal in her satchel, but she didn’t know why. Even when I told her why, she was going to put it in the community room fridge. I explained the caseworker said I would get the extra meal today. She finally decided to just go ahead and give it to me. Seems weird I would argue for a MoW lunch, but it came with a peanut butter cookie and milk 🙂
See how much better it looks with seasoning and butter? The meat seriously looked liked turds plopped into the tray. The menu says: turkey loaf with gravy, whipped potatoes, capri blend vegetables and apple crisp. I ate it. I was hungry because I had not had breakfast. The textures and flavors were strange, but edible. I definitely prefer my own cooking!
I totally forgot that my shrink was coming here today. My phone rang and it was in the wheelchair pocket, instead of next to me. I just barely answered it in time and buzzed him in. Then I did the quickest change from night gown to clothes ever. I answered my door totally SOB. Wow! Two weeks sure went by fast. I never did shut the window while he was here. He kept his coat on 🙂 We always talk about the same stuff….social justice, evil republicanism, our faith and general politics. I told him what I said to the manager yesterday. I was afraid he was going to choke to death :-p He didn’t think I talked like that. I told him not to get on my bad side 🙂
I wish I felt better. I am still feeling a kind of sick that I can’t put my finger on yet. About a week or so ago, the quivering, buzzing, zapping came back. It makes me weak and jittery. The air is getting worse again. That doesn’t help. I just don’t know what’s causing it all….but I’m miserable 😦
And wouldn’t you know it? I have a whole mouth full of bad teeth….but in the middle of the night, a new tooth started hurting. It hurts when my top teeth go over it. Feels like when biting on tinfoil…but there are no metal fiilngs on those top or bottom teeth. Sigh….no dental care for 4 years now. I miss having dental benefits! I need the magic tooth fairy to come use her wand on my mouth.
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