Monday, I stayed awake until after midnight and went to bed. Lots of popping sounds. Next thing I know, the cops are here. So much for sleep 😦 I was twisting and turning anyway. Too much pain. My armpits are grossly swollen. There is NO comfortable position. The pain makes me feel like barfing.

A Democrat is going to run for governor of Utah. He announced his wife is being investigated because she uses marijuana for medical reasons. Stuff like that has been in the news so much that I have wondered if it could put a dent in my pain. I refuse to take narcotics and I already take massive doses of ibuprofen. Of course, no Medicaid program is likely to fund medical marijuana any time in the near future. Sigh….

I am going to have to go begging a doc for something. My life sucks. I loathe tramadol. What else is there that won’t have tons of side effects? At this point, pain is consuming a huge chunk of my life. This is crazy.

I got up around 8 AM, less than 5 hours of snoozing….and it was very fitful sleep. My arm was much worse this morning 😦 It was to get excruciating. There was less and less that I could do with my right arm. The pain was so intense that it gave me a pounding headache and supreme queasiness. This is a different pain than what I believe was bursitis/tendonitis. What the heck???


Brunch was 2 hash browns .38, 2 eggs (free), zucchini .50, half onion .15, 1 large mushroom .34, Mexican cheese $1, Sriracha bbq sauce .37 for a total of $2.74.

At the most effective time after Mestinon and Motrin, I was able to make brunch. It felt like a Herculean task. I have discovered that I need to force myself to eat, or the queasiness only gets worse. The only way I can eat is by plastering my arm against my side and only moving it from elbow to hand. But….the pain got way worse.

By 3 PM I could not deal with another second of pain. I went to bed. Around 5:30, my phone rang. I ignored it. Then there was a knock at my door. I ignored that, too. When the phone rang yet again, I hid it under my pillow. Then there was a long time of insistent knocking. I got up and slipped on a robe. It was 2 guys. I had bed head, was wearing a less than fresh robe, had to pee really bad, so told them to give me a minute. The door automatically slammed in their face 😮

I went back when I was ready, and let them in. It was the usual man from Medsource and some guy who was more dressed up and started measuring my doors, me and the chair I have now. It was extremely embarrassing. I was whimpering in pain, with tears leaking out. I kept trying to smile while crying. Not only did my arm hurt collossally bad, but my back was crunching….sending sharp pains down my spine and also making me numb. I just wanted to crawl in a hole.

Made me happy when they asked what color chair I want. I picked pink. Told them my younger self would roll over and die at that choice 😛 The new guy went over the PT’s component choices and changed a few…to more expensive and more comfortable options. I will believe it all when I see it.

My voice was totally broken the whole time. I showed the new guy how I could briefly talk normally by lifting my lid. He was taken aback. Snicker… I hate, hate, hate my broken voice! People tend to think of me as mentally challenged. If I can talk normally for a few seconds, it changes their perception of me. Makes me feel a little better.


Since I was dressed and in my chair, I went out and got my mail. Just grocery flyers. I fled back to my apartment before I cried in front of anybody. I kinda went crazy trying to figure out what to eat that I could prepare quick and eat with the least effort. I made a deconstructed tomato and bacon sandwich….and had to throw out most of the loaf of bread I got off the free table on Saturday. It was full of several kinds of mold. Ick. I just cut out good parts from a bunch of pieces for supper. ($1.40) That’s $4.14 for the day…plus snacks.


Here’s what I had yesterday. Tamales for brunch ($3.74), eggs and veggies for supper ($4.20) Wow…a pricey $7.94 for the day…plus snacks.


Update on messages. I discovered the wheelchair guy sent me an email at 4:20, a text at 4:21 and a call at 4:22. Then he called and texted again around 5:30. I must have slept through a lot of buzzing and ringing! I thought it was less than 5 minutes between calls. I must have deeply conked out in between.

So…how long will I have to sit up tonight before the sleepiness overcomes the pain? I woke up to find an email from a nurse saying they will get me in to see someone on Wednesday…but by the time I saw the message it was after 6. I hope he gets back to me early tomorrow. Honestly, I think I am reaching the end of my endurance. So far, each time I thought that, I have gotten better. We will see….