This morning I got right up out of my chair and easily walked to the bathroom with my walker. I was pleasantly surprised. It has been quite an ordeal for a while now. Then I jumped up off the toilet. Really? What the heck? As I was standing there washing my hands without swaying back and forth I realized, DUH!!! I took Medrol last night and this morning.

Later I was in my bedroom and started stripping the bed. Again DUH!!! I finally had enough strength to do it. A bit later, I put all the laundry in containers and got ready to go to the laundromat. Then it hit me…the only reason I was absentmindedly roving around doing stuff was because I was in less pain and much stronger BIG, HUGE DUH!!!!!! Made me feel better about myself. I realized that there’s a whole list in my head of things I want to accomplish, but I never feel well. The second I do feel better, I start doing stuff without even consciously realizing why. Cool! 🙂

braincells

I like that kind of absentmindedness light years better than what kept happening last week. I dropped my phone when it rang, because like an idiot, I quickly reached out and put it to my ear. Searing pain 😦 I lost count of how many full or almost full cups of water met the same demise. I forgot my arm didn’t work until it was too late. And….there was a plethora of other objects that also got dropped or flung because, well, duh! It’s interesting that although I feel great pain, my brain forgets to stop the rest of me from doing stupid stuff.

Guess what I did?!? I did all my laundry…even the comforter. It took 4 of the big horizontal access machines. My right arm only felt slight pain. I dragged it all there and back with my chair. It seemed so easy 🙂 This must be what it’s like to be normal!

I made brunch…eggs, sausage, canned tomatoes, half an avocado, half an onion, 2 slices Harvarti with 2 hash browns and Hatch Valley Salsa. ($1.73) Never even thought to take a pic. I was not swaying all over, I was only mildly SOB and I was able to finish cooking without my usual bent over the counter excruciating pain 🙂 I have gotten so used to monster pain and my whole life majorly sucking, that I forgot what it feels like to only be in mild pain. Wow! I am going to make one of the docs prescribe long term steroids. I don’t care if it kills me. I have been among the living dead way too long. It feels like I escaped from a torture chamber. And….I am not queasy! I totally forgot what it feels like to not be nauseous 24/7. That’s doubly amazing because the first 2 weeks of plaquenil are usually gut wrenching.

By 3 PM, I was wiped out tired. Took a 4 hour nap and actually feel refreshed from it! Amazing 🙂

stormfront

The forecast was for some wind. About 8 PM we got really strong gusts. As I felt the temperature drop, I looked up. Cool! There’s a dramatic front rolling through. I like the way the trailing edge is rolled up into itself. Beautiful! Even though it looks ominous, the forecast for Sunday is warmer temps and sunnier skies than today. We have already had 75 mph wind….and the forecast says it’s going to be more intense over night. During the biggest gust so far, I could hear big things snapping. TV news says trees and power lines are down….and that these are hurricaine force winds. Dang.

There was a hangtag on my door from Google. They want me to clear out my bedroom closet, secure my pet and be ready for a 2 hour installation any day between May 2nd to the 16th….from 8 AM to 7 PM. Whoa! Major imposition 😮  Ummm…where do I put all my clothes? Where the heck do I put Olive? And it all has to be done every day for 2 weeks? Are you kidding me? I am anxious for Google, but certainly NOT excited about what they want from me and every person in this building. Geezum crow! And on top of that, apartment inspections are all day May 5th on my floor. So I need to mess up my place by taking everything out of the closet…then get inspected for cleanliness! Grrrrrrrr……..

For a couple of years, and more intensely for the last 6 months, I thought I was going to be moving away from SLC. I thought I was going to move to a special small dwelling unit just for me. That fell through and then I was going to get a wheelchair van. That fell through and I was supposed to get a used mobility bus. Now it is officially all out of the question. At first I was devastated. Once the shock wore off, I realized just how much of my life has been put on hold because of those plans.

I was saving certain foods for the road. I was not buying things in bulk. I was disconnected from people here. I hated Utah more than ever when I thought I was escaping. I quit trying to push for better health care since I thought I was leaving. I totally put my life on hold and anxiously waited to be saved. Now that I am bereft of that hope, I feel incredibly free. I can go back to crafting my own life. I can quit waiting and hoping….and get back to being captain of my own destiny. All along I knew depending on other people was a bad idea, but I tried it anyway. Ironically my rent went up just when my other plans fell through. But….now that I am sure that no one is going to sweep in and save me, I can look for other solutions. I made no other plans because I thought it was a done deal.

I like the combo of feeling immensely better along with lots of possibilities to explore. I have more hope now than I have felt for a long, long time.

survivor

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