towel

There are medical things going on now, that were happening a year ago February when I went into myasthenic crisis. The left half of my tongue is numb. It started with a soreness in my neck . The soreness became stiffness. I can swallow on the right, but not the left. Three fingers away from the hinge of my jaw, into the soft part of my neck, that’s where it won’t swallow. I poked around and massaged that area. If I kept my finger pressed in there, I could swallow. But….messing with my swallowing seems to make the numbness and tingling worse. On that side, on the inside of my throat, I keep feeling a sensation like fizzing/electrical/tremoring. When that sensation is the worst, it feels like my throat is closing shut. You can imagine this is an unpleasant and scary thing.

The numbness and tingling at my jaw goes into my shoulder blade. The pain also goes the other way…up my neck to the back of my head. It hurts most when I turn my head to the left. Weird and disturbing.

Whenever things get dicey, I try to stay distracted. I was hungry, but afraid to eat. I decided to go grocery shopping to keep my mind on other things. My back/neck/head were painful the whole time and sometimes my throat tried to shut. All day long, my throat has been doing the fizzing/electrical/tremoring thing. I just plain cannot smile. My facial muscles are toast. My eyes keep trying to droop shut. At first, I could not talk. Ech time I tried it went like this ha-a-eye. I hate it when I open my mouth and hi is a 3 syllable word 😦 That’s almost always how I discover my voice is broken. The next most common is Ah-uh-luv. The cat doesn’t care how I say her name.

Ugh…it feels like my head is being pulled to the left and down. Hurts. I had my doubts about leaving the apartment like that, but wanted to get a few groceries before the extreme wind hit. Just north of us got a weather service warning on TV…with winds hitting 70 mph. Sure has been a windy spring! Any plant still hanging onto its leaves, flowers and fruits is well attached. The ground is littered with baby leaves and fruits. I was surprised to see cherries on the ground already.

I went to Trader Joe’s first. I got ice cream, fish, tamales, 3 kinds of salsa, Sriracha bbq sauce, olive tapenade, coconut oil and a box of cream for $42.76. Then I went to Whole Foods and got 2 bottles of flavored lemonade for a grand total of $3. Next, Smith’s for chocolate syrup, salsa verde, sw cond milk, sliced cheese, milk, pie crusts, 2 ears corn, celery, frozen burritos, cat litter and Iams cat food for a total of $50.60. $81.42 of it all was from my $91/month SNAP. The rest was cash. I bought chicken-turkey grain free Iams for $13.99 on May 5th. Today they had a bunch of the same 4.3 pound bags on clearance for $6.99…so I grabbed another one. Less than $10 left from SNAP to last until June 15th. Doesn’t seem like a whole lot of food.

When I got home, I had half a glass of chocolate milk and the whole throat and tongue thing started all over again and is still happening. Seriously. I am afraid to eat and afraid to drink anything but water. Not feeling too well tonight.

Outside is ominous. The sky is dark, the wind is gusting. So far, all of the worst weather is just north of us. We are supposed to get hit here in SLC later tonight. We had about one minute of driving rain and then it turned into just plain old rain. The worst is yet to come. They say 60 mph wind here in the valley tonight.

I wonder what’s going on? Lots and lots of sirens between 9:30 and 10 PM….then quiet…..

Is Utah in the national news about the TRAX worker and his truck? The guy was found dead in Wyoming and his truck was stashed in the woods 100 miles away…near where 2 kidnappers from Utah were caught. A father/son kidapped a mother and her kids in Centerville, UT. Very long and convoluted developing story.

Thursday I went through where the TRAX guy was last seen while I was on TRAX….same time, same day. At that station, I looked at a man in a white TRAX truck and had an odd feeling. Lately it seems that whatever I get that feeling about, then goes on to be part of a news story. This used to happen to me all the time in my 20’s. Shudder…..

Afraid to eat, afraid to look around. Hmmmmmmm……

afraid

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