ask

If that’s true….HELP! What should I do now?

It was hard to get to sleep last night. I was feeling devastated from the whole healthcare mess. I watched a series of YouTube videos about fun and interesting things and finally fell asleep. When I woke up, my mind was a blank slate. I wasn’t thinking about anything. As I was drinking Miralax in juice, shooting up insulin and taking morning meds, I started crying. That felt bizarre. I had not consciously thought of anything. Then I realized it was last night’s sadness picking up where I left it. Well, that sucks 😦

I have tried taking my steroids at various times of the day. Around 3 AM seems to be the best. When I wake up sometime between 7 and 10 AM, I feel stronger and have slept through the worst of the gut distress. I just need the bathroom a few times and my guts are better. I mistakenly thought that meant I felt OK today. I got dressed and went out to grab a copy of the senior center lunch menu. All I had to do was read those same old words that were on the Meals On Wheels menu, and there was NO way I was willing to go back to the senior center for lunch today. They were having turkey patty with gravy, creamed potatoes, green peas and banana pudding. I suppose tasting the “turkey” would be a good way of knowing if they are really a better company. I found 4 days this month with food I would be willing to eat. I may or may not go back.

mini

Then I went outside to see what the day was like. I decided to go over to DI and look around. It only made me more depressed. No interesting books. And looking at stuff just makes me hate stuff. I don’t want to own things, I want to leave Utah.

I came home and wondered what to do next. I emailed the wheelchair guy and asked if my power chair had been approved by insurance. He said yes! I will believe it when I see the chair. He says I should have it in a week. Then I told him my dilemma….that I need IVIg and I am not able to get it, so wanted to switch insurance companies. And in order to switch, I have to do it by the 15th. He said once the chair is delivered to me, it’s safe to switch.

This guy used to work for an infusion services company. He gave me the names of a couple of national infusion companies with offices in SLC. He said I should tell them my story and have them do the work of getting IVIg approved. I sent out emails but have not heard back from those companies.

mood

The rest of the day I have alternated between trying to help myself and crying because it all seems so futile. Being on steroids is sure not helping. Yup….I was right all those years ago when I said being on steroids was like having permanent PMS.

herniabump

My hernia has been hurting more and more for days now. It feels like my bladder and other parts are trying to fall out at the same time that I am having sharp right sided pain from internal ripping within the hernia. Those pains just don’t let up. I took a whole bunch of hernia pics right now. None of them were very good. Not easy to hold out the camera, let alone get a good perspective….but you get the idea.

clothes

 

Then I decided to go get my mail. There was a plastic bag package crammed in the box! I got a house dress 🙂 So……I put my new clothes on the bed and took their picture. I am sooooooooooo psyched to have decent skirts with no holes! Brown, navy, pink and 2 Heather gray skirts. And something comfy and light to wear around the house that’s somewhat modest for company 😛 Thank you very much to the kind people who were able to help me out. Your generosity means a lot to me. It was a perfect time to feel some love. Other parts of my life are pretty sucky right now.

friends

 

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