I went to bed with my hernia hurting. It bothered me all night, but once I got up this morning, the pain hit pretty bad. Something has changed. Something new has happened. It’s a whole new kind of pain. Scary pain. Not just owie pain…but something bad is happening kind of pain.

As I showered, the pain got exponentially worse. I think that standing rearranges my insides so that breathing is more and more difficult. While I did the cat feeding and morning meds, it felt like my intestines were trying to rip out. In desperation, I lifted up my hernia and put it on the counter. That relieved some of the pressure and ripping, but looking at it horrified me even more. So I took pictures to horrify you, too.

whole

I don’t know how long I can live with this before it pops open.

biglittle

When I show pictures of the puckered skin, it’s from the juncture of the big and little buldges. See the darker skin near the smaller lump near my hand? In between the huge hernia and the smaller lump is where the healing incision is. The little bump is the left side of my belly. The darker, pinker skin on the little bump is the same as the darker, puckered skin in the pic below. The hernia is the right side of me.

hernia

This is what is at the juncture of both halves of my belly, underneath the humongous hernia. It takes lots of strength to move the hernia out of the way and hold it up so I can take a picture of the skin puckers.

hugehernia

I tried to take pics in several different ways to show how horrific this is.

herniashelf

I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. I have asked a lot of docs what to do and they just look frightened and want to drop the subject. There is no one to give me guidance or help. The gastrointestinal doc was a big disappointment, just saying there was nothing they could do. Is there really nothing to make me more comfortable? I’m just supposed to act like nothing’s wrong until the skin pops open and my guts fall out?

Anybody got any ideas? Who do I talk to? Who do I see?

This is making my other health issues pale in comparison. Maybe it’s stupid to even think about IVIg? Or moving? Or anything. Will this wipe me out sooner rather than later? As I was showering I thought about my next door neighbor, Pam. She used to come over every few days and ask if I was going to die today because she wanted Olive. Now Pam lives in Missouri. Who will take care of Olive now?

OliveCozy

Advertisements