I wish people would not be afraid to try…and fail….and try again. Don’t think about the maybes and what ifs….DO IT!
The more I am faced by my own mortality, the gladder I am that I was always sick. It was that, and my father’s death at 55 years old that made me alter my already altered life. I realized fairly young that the world was exciting, but it also made me sick. By trial and error, I discovered I felt best when camping. I did a lot of camping in my life 🙂 Sooooooo glad I did!
I’m glad Heather was unschooled. I’m glad I was a homesteader and organic farmer. I’m glad I moved to Vermont in my 20’s. I’m glad I have “been there, done that” in many ways. That makes both slowing down and ultimately dying, all that much easier. I have few regrets. I made zillions of mistakes, but at the time I made them, it was with the sum total of what I knew and understood at the time. It’s easy to look backward and have better answers now, but that’s not how life works. We learn our lessons along the way.
Very, very glad I lived while I could and didn’t put it off for someday. We generally don’t know how long our life is going to be…or how healthy we will be at each stage in life. Make the best of each opportunity as it comes along.
Which brings me to today. I am at a crossroads….again. I went to Taylor Springs and Taylor Gardens. The Gardens is new construction. The people in the apartments are the first ones who have ever lived there. It’s a mix of market rate and subsidized apartments in the same place. The manager was instantly snotty when I came in the door. She knew I was there for a subsidized apartment and treated me as less-than. She claimed there was no waiting list.
So, I went next door to the Springs. It’s a no smoking building! I filled out the application and am #25 on the waiting list.
Then I came home, read more online about local affordable housing and wondered what I had done! To me, moving, but still being stuck in Utah, feels like a very bad idea. I cannot get decent healthcare here for MG and honestly…I don’t want to die here. The air is hard to breathe here. The pollution sucks. The politics piss me off daily. Why am I settling for staying in a place I despise?
I fell asleep when there was still bright sunshine outside. I was beyond exhausted from trekking across town again. I kept dreaming that my tongue was sore and woke up to it way too big to fit in my mouth. Ouch. I tried to fall back asleep, but my tongue is swollen way down into my throat. It was hard to breathe and swallow. So…I’m awake and sitting up.
I want to leave Utah. I want to see the world. I want to go camping again. If I move to another place in SLC, that’s probably the end of those dreams. I need to go back to figuring out how to leave this state.