I got in bed and got flat. That felt better. My hernia needed to rearrange. I read some email, watched some YouTube…but my breathing got worse and worse. I had to get up and open the living room window. Stupid mold 😦

hunger

Now I am watching strange after-midnight movies. That song came on. “I want to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas”. Makes me feel bad for the kid. Makes me feel bad for me, too. I meant to buy bananas at Rancho. I looked at them longingly a few times. I don’t know why they did not hop in my grocery bag. Darn. It’s torture having baskets of peaches, nectarines and mangoes that need to ripen. Maybe I should go to Trader Joe’s for 2 bananas. Good deal at 19 cents each 🙂

Now it’s morning. I am still lusting after bananas and berries. Tj’s has the cheapest bananas (and free food and drink samples), Smith’s has raspberries for $1.50 and Sprouts has blueberries for 88 cents. How bad do I want those? I have just enough money left for a couple of bananas and a package of each sort of berry. That means .6 mile to TRAX, take the train 2 minutes then wheel .3 mile more to Sprouts. Then wheel it .4 mile from Sprouts to Trader Joe’s. Then .2 mile from TJ’s to Smith’s. Usually I wheel it home from Smith’s, which is .9 mile. Round trip, that’s 2.4 miles by chair and a few blocks on TRAX. Hmmmmm….to do or not to do? Fruit is a powerful motivator.

I thought it was great that my SNAP was authorized June 1st because of my yearly paperwork review. But…now it’s almost July 1st and I have to wait until July 15th for SNAP. It’s going to seem like a very long 2 weeks. I had spent all June’s SNAP by June 15th. It feels more and more impossible to make $98 cover a month’s worth of food. I have almost no real money left over after paying fixed expenses. Can you say squeezed?

housing

If we ran the Food Stamp (SNAP) program the same way we run our housing tax programs, low-income parents buying a simple, nutritious meal for their kids would get somewhere around zero dollars in federal support. Millionaires charging their MasterCard with a $5,000 FleurBurger, seared foie gras, truffle sauce, and bottle of 1995 Château Petrus would get a few thousand dollars in federal benefits.

Clearly, this would be a crazy way to run a social program—but this really is how we structure billions in support for wealthy homeowners through the tax code. Even worse, study after study shows that the Mortgage Interest Deduction doesn’t even succeed in boosting homeownership. From: Talk Poverty

Whoo hoo! I checked my bank account and my disability was in there a day early. I paid rent and other bills, went to the bank to take out the remaining cash and went to Sprouts via wheelchair, then to TJ’s, then to Smith’s and home. It was a 3.3 mile trip in my chair. No TRAX involved. I bought fruit, deli turkey, sweet potatoes, hot dogs, cottage cheese and mushrooms. I got a bottle of Bai pomegranate drink free with an ecoupon. Exciting, huh? The tasting table at TJ’s had bacon jam! It tasted good, but then the whole inside of my mouth broke out in bumps. Figures.

new

Even more exciting is what I found when I got home. I had asked the maintenance man if he could figure out what was wrong with my handheld shower head. It has not had full pressure ever since the drunk guy flooded the 3rd floor. He put in a shiny new shower thingy 🙂 The first thing I did is put cold water on my hair and spray down my hugely swollen feet with lots of cold water. Ahhhhhhhh……

I sat in ice cold A/C, with the box fan pointed at me for a couple of hours. The heat had made my eyes droop and my strength disappear. This was the weakest I have been in a long time. It’s also the most my hands have hurt since starting steroids….and my feet! My head does not feel solidly connected to my body. Crunch. Creak. Crack. Then I remembered DUH!!!!! I had forgotten my 2nd dose of steroids and Plaquenil and was several hours late. I’m not going to divide the steroid dose in half any more….I will just divide the Plaquenil dose. Sooooooooo much pain without all the steroids!

I got a call from the clinical pharmacist. Appointment in 2 weeks. You know what’s interesting? Now that the spleen/pancreas area has stopped being swollen and sore, my blood sugar has gone back up.

ice on berries

I had a pile of deli turkey breast and a pile of cottage cheese for supper. Then I mashed up a cup of raspberries with a spoonful of sugar and shaved a block of ice into Hawaiian ice. Mixed them together and I am one happy woman 🙂

mixed

A few nights ago, I stretched out my lipodermatosclerosis leg and the hard bump cracked loose. Not loose like moving around, but it loosened up some tight, painful connection that had been bothering me for weeks. The lump, itself, still hurts, though. I often wonder what it is. It’s bone hard. It’s about in the middle of the pic. The line from the old scleroderma operation to the leading edge of fat death is deeper than ever.

lump

Here’s a different view of the bump. It aches 24/7. The really wrinkly skin has no fat or muscle underneath it. I have been losing muscle mass in my right leg and left butt cheek at an alarming rate.

fat muscle gone

Here;s an even creepier look at how the fat has been eaten away below the crease and pushed up above it.

legcrease

It looks like a pegleg when I am standing. The right foot is not swollen…just the ankle where I broke it 17 years ago. My left foot gets so swollen that it feels like it’s going to split open.

pegleg

Ugh….everything hurts.

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