I woke up all shaky again. I spent the entire morning like a yo-yo. My blood sugar and my moods were all over the place. I would feel incredibly sick and miserable, then feel OK, then in pain, then passable. I needed something out of my bedroom closet. As I stood there, staring in, trying to remember why I was there, I came within seconds of fainting. Quite the head rush and I was swaying and my legs were buckling, even while holding onto my walker. When I reached both arms up to look on the closet shelves, it was as if I had no power to move. It was one of those episodes that seemed to last forever. I put my arms down and stood there until the creepiness passed. Whoa!
I did my best to sit still in my chair, to rest and recover. Then, just like yesterday, it felt like my emotions were being yanked all over the place. I would cry, then give myself pep talks and stern admonitions. I would be back on an even keel and the stupidest little things would get me crying again. All that crying made me more stuffed up. Around noon, I took a shower. I was trying to wash away all the sadness. I did feel better as I sat in front of the fan to dry and cool down.
The mold, wildfire smoke and ozone were getting to me. I just wanted to escape! But I was so darned weak and dizzy! I did what I always do in that situation…I gathered up the garbage and recycling to take out. then WHAM! Three people stopped me to say I looked awful 😦 They decided they had never seen me so swollen and that I looked sick. The ex-nurse who seems to know the state of my health better than me, said I couldn’t fool her. They all thought I should go to the hospital…or at least the doctor. I burst into tears and hurried out to the dumpster….then kept going.
I am tired of being sick. I’m tired of looking sick. I’m tired of everything sick!!!!!!!!! Again, I didn’t care where I went, as long as it wasn’t back with all the “concerned citizens”. I kept trying to decide if I should go to the library TRAX station or the courthouse station. I let traffic, red lights and serendipity choose. ANYTHING but back home! The next train was the red line, so I took it to Murray Central and went to Costco.
I should do lunch there more often 🙂 There are so many yummy samples that it makes a great free lunch. I’m very predictable. I went all over the store, gazing at food, and had a hard time finding what I would actually be willing to buy and eat. I was adventurous. I bought a new sort of frozen fruit 🙂 I think it’s 3 or 4 berries together. I haven’t eaten any yet.
I decided to be even more adventurous at the TRAX station, I took the blue line back. I don’t like that one as well, because I have to go up a big concrete ramp to get on the train. That means the train driver has to help me on and off. I ended up meeting a very talkative woman. We discussed disability and how people treat us. She started it! We both got off at courthouse and we talked at least 15 minutes there, too. Almost as soon as I started talking when we met, my left eye slammed shut. I could see her wondering about it, so I told her a little about myasthenia gravis. She wanted to know how I got diagnosed.
Pffftttt…..the neurologist thought I had a brain tumor. When I didn’t, he did not pursue it further. Ten years later the opthalmologist sent me back to him to confirm MG. I can still see the neuro smacking himself in the head and saying in retrospect, I had MG all along. There are only a few things that cause eye droop and weakness….like stroke, brain tumor or myasthenia gravis.
As soon as I got home, I took a cold shower, and have taken many more since then. I like cooling down that way better than closing the windows and putting on the A/C. I sure hope the weather forecast is right. I’m very ready for cooler weather! They say the high today was only 94. I have a hard time believing that. I think it was closer to 100 where I was.
Tonight there is a 3 alarm fire 2 miles from my place. That’s not helping my breathing. My head/neck lymphs are tightly swollen. The smoke smells bad and is giving me a headache 😦 I sure wish it would rain. We haven’t even had an inch of rain in the last 3 months combined.
Gee….I’m sure I thought a few more things today. I just don’t remember!