Wednesday evening, I was in excruciating pain. Something swelled up and popped out just under my left breast. I was guessing spleen and/or pancreas. When I saw the endo, she agreed. The pain was a 9 for a couple of hours, Lots of crying, a few screams and plenty of whimpering. Then, when I stood up to go to bed, the pain totally stopped, and instead, my right lung hurt…just as intensely. As I am writing this Thursday night, it has been at least 24 hours of every single breath being painful…sometimes I could not help crying. I have no idea what’s going on. Docs have guessed that it’s from my internal organs falling down/being pulled down because of the weight of the hernia. When the pain is the worst, I am soaked in sweat.

All night long, I never fully woke up, but felt the lung pain. I honestly did not expect to wake up Thursday morning, but here I am. I did pretty well with the increased steroids and switch to Voltaren. I can be in pain, yet still be hyper.

The visit to the endocrinologist was very different than the visit to the nutritionist in the same office two days before. I was the only person in the waiting room! I was able to ask the endo more intelligent questions about my insulin pump. She says the trainer will have me hooked up on Monday. The endo says my blood sugar will be in even better control than I have it now. I asked for the records from my ER visit. Dang! I had a bunch of abnormal blood tests. I’m back in stage 3 kidney failure….like it was thanks to WNV.


In 2006, I had a cardiac catheterization that showed I had virtually no plaque in my arteries. This time it shows atherosclerosis and calcification of my carotid artery. It’s only mild, though. I told the doc there were lots of perks to dying sooner rather than later. I don’t have to care about that, I don’t have to worry about my Dupuytren’s contracture rendering my hands painful and useless, and I named a bunch more. She looked at me funny 😛

I told one person about me being put in hospice care and now the whole building knows. The woman who took care of the dying Ethyl, burst into tears and said a bunch of colorful words. Ethyl died in her arms last Friday, so she’s still pretty shaken. My friend with multiple life-threatening conditions said she hopes she’s next. I think there are always a few people doing hospice in this building at any one time.

While I was gone, the maintenance man put new hinges in my door. What an improvement! Now I can go in or out without fighting the self-closing mechanism. He claims he is asking corporate if I can get a button to push so my door opens. I’ll believe it when I see it.


Oh….I forgot to mention my trip to the pharmacy. I picked up a bottle of 32 mg Medrol pills. Way better than taking 8 of the smaller ones! The pharmacist was describing to the pharmacy tech how bad I looked yesterday. He gave him the whole talk about MG being an autoimmune disease and my immune system was destroying my acetylcholine receptors. He told the guy I had a very serious case of MG. Then he described my melting face, closed eyelids and scanning speech. He said I was better today because of steroids. The tech was impressed. Why does every doc and pharmacist see and believe in my MG…except the neuros from the U?

Today was my shrink appointment. He wasn’t too happy to hear about hospice. It seems to bother other people a lot more than it bothers me. Like I keep saying…I believe in God, I believe in scriptures and I believe in eternity. I have lived in a tortured body most of my life. Moving from this existence to the next means freedom. It’s a celebration for me. He said his usual about what an interesting person I am…the optimism, the drive to keep going all these years, enduring so much in all aspects of my life, etc. He wishes other people he sees would have some of whatever it is that keeps me mostly positive. And I told him what I always do….faith in God. If a person really believes, there’s nothing to be afraid of.


I had lots more to say, but I used up my brain power for the day.