great

All my life, having something new to learn about has kept me focused and excited. I tend to go a bit crazy in my zeal when I discover something new I want to learn. I’m trying to remember the highlights. These were all intense interests at one time or another. Astronomy, mountain man lore, cleaning up the roads, backpacking, recycling, environmental quality, Girl Scout badges, cooking, botany, canoeing, field biology, wild edibles, health foods, organic gardening, paper making, car repair, greenhouse management, log cabin building, calligraphy, quilling, batik, macrame, weaving, crazy quilting, food preservation, baking, raising and eating animals, having pets, making maple syrup, building, homesteading, model rockets, forestry, unschooling, organic farming, being a mother, low-income advocacy, social justice, car camping, traveling North America, RVing, learning the computer, writing, and probably a zillion more. I love to immerse myself in the most interesting interest of the day/week/year.

supplies

The objects I find most irresistible to buy are books, art supplies, different sorts of paper, craft supplies, yarn, fabrics, kitchen appliances, utensils and food 🙂

matters

You know what I am obsessed with now, right? The issues of death and dying. I am thoroughly sick of sickness and diseases. For me, they are kind of hard to ignore or not talk about. I suppose all the struggles with relatives, romantic relationships, poverty and sickness shaped me into who I am now. I would not change any of it. I have had the gift of time more than most people. It was worth all the pain and physical disability to have lots of time to think, to be a mother, to camp, to read….and whatever else I have been doing. In the scheme of things, all the hospitalizations and struggles with healthcare are also what enabled me to have more time. I would sooooo do it all again!

mountains

My childhood was a mixed bag. My parents were, uh, a bit crazy and self-absorbed. My father was very mean to me. My mother was way too wrapped up in religiosity and the pursuit of ministers, power, money and well, herself. The best thing about having my parents is they did not pay a whole lot of attention to me. I had a rich life outside of the house with grandparents and other relatives. I adopted other people’s relatives and had crushes on people I admired. I spent huge chunks of my life in the woods and fields…by myself or with other kids. I learned to be self-sufficient early.

u-of-m

Adults that took an interest in me saved my life. At a critical stage, I went from mildly not caring about school, to wanting to be the best. My father was very against me going to college. I’m glad I went anyway. For me, those years were most important for developing my beliefs, my character, my desires and my social skills. I had to go to school lots of years so I had interesting people to talk to 🙂

dweeb

I was mostly a nerd, but also did time as a dweeb, geek and dork 😛

I’ve never been exemplary at interpersonal relationships. I had no clue how to act. Dealing with people has always been one of my greatest joys and biggest fears. It was easy to read a book or watch someone else and figure out how to do stuff, but I have been trying to figure out people for 60 years. I’m going to have to work more on that when I get to the other side of the veil. Now that I understand things like face blindness and Asperger’s, it’s kind of comical to see how I tried to work around my impaired abilities. One thing I wish I had done different is to give myself more credit for effort. Often living life felt like I was in a game where everybody had a rule book for the game….except me. Oh, my gosh, I just found this article describing me!

innocent

I have also been grateful that I was able to stay more naïve and innocent than it seems possible, considering what I have been through. I’d rather trust and like most people until they prove themselves to be untrustworthy, than to be cynical from the get-go. I probably got hurt more, but I also got to gather more goodness from the world. Everything is a trade off.

awe

Another important gift to me is wonder and awe. I often think I begged to come to earth to spend as much time as possible in woods, fields and near bodies of water as possible. I also think I needed to be more of a loner than a partier to accomplish that. I was talking to an old guy who lives upstairs. He lives here with a buddy of his because he is petrified of being alone….but he is also sometimes not happy to share. I’d way rather be a loner…with a cat, dog and/or kid 🙂

I thought this and his other videos were pretty darn interesting, especially the one about how studying near death experiences converted him. When I died when Heather was born, I had the choice to keep going towards the light…which felt very good…or to come back and be with my baby. I chose Heather!

September 11th brings back lots of memories. I was in the underground house, sitting at the computer. Heather was on a Vermont Youth Conservation Corps trail crew…on top of some mountain for a month. I saw the first plane hit and was alarmed. By the time the second plane and the Pentagon were hit, I was scared shitless. I used to have dreams that there was some sort of natural disaster and Heather and I were apart and had to find each other again. I was afraid that there would be attacks all over the country. Heather assured me that of all the places to be, a random mountain in Vermont was not likely to be a target. Good point. Then I went back to watch the horrors on the computer and TV.

zekeoldforgehardware

Zeke’s second or so day with me. That’s Steve, Heather’s old boyfriend that died of a brain tumor. We are sitting in front of the famous hardware store in Old Forge, NY. Zeke and Steve loved each other from the get-go. 

Life felt tentative for a while. None of us knew what was next. A couple of weeks after 9-11, I drove to Rochester, NY to pick up Zeke from his trainer who drove there from Michigan. I remember how I was a combo of scared and excited to go somewhere. Zeke was a PITA the first night. He ran away in a forest service campground near Ithaca, NY. Heather and Steve chased him for a very long time. I’m sure it was all overwhelming for Zeke, too. Here he had been driven a long distance and given to new people in a strange place. He was away from his trainer after two years of being a search and rescue dog. Once he calmed down, Zeke was a very excellent service dog. We spent 10 years together 🙂 I hope to see Raku, Harley and Zeke on the other side of the veil. Joseph Smith expected to see his horse 🙂 Scroll down to Where do animals fit in the eternal plan of things?

I hope today gets better as my meds kick in. I could only sleep 4 hours because I could not stop sneezing and blowing my nose. Of course all that ripped my hernia more and my entire abdominal area is in wicked bad pain. So far the Flonase hasn’t helped, but the doc said to give it a few days. My body wants to be like that saying….

lifejourney

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