It seemed like months went by without much happening and then a flurry came along. Most every day now I have to make big decisions. Part of it is that decisions are much bigger if there’s only time for a few more. Much of the day, my brain is slogging along. Usually there is some magic spot where all my meds are at their most effective and I can freely think. The rest of the day, I am anything from too hyper to practically brain-dead. Seriously…I catch myself forgetting to breathe.
I find myself drawn to music more than I have been ever since I got West Nile Virus. It kind of freaks me out that I went for a year without radio, TV or CD’s. My brain needed a lot of healing after WNV. Light, sounds, smells….they all hurt. Now I turn up my little Panasonic stereo to 30 🙂 I like feeling the music!
This week there have been workers upstairs from me. For sure they have been painting. I don’t know if new flooring has been put down yet. All too soon, it will be ready for occupancy and I will get a new neighbor. Then I will have to be quieter. And it probably won’t be all that quiet down here. Live it up while I can!
I should mention that I talked to the witchy hospice nurse on the phone before I had that bad dream. It was definitely a premonition of things to come. She’s very abrupt. I asked her how old she is. She said 67! I think she has spent too long dealing with patients of every sort. It was as if she had no patience for the sick and afflicted. We are bumps in her road. Temporary irritants that will soon be replaced by the next whiny, sniffling blob of human flesh. Makes me wonder why she is still working? Need? Some sort of satisfaction? Malice? The more I think about her, the less I want anything to do with her hospice company.
Perhaps it really would be best to be in assisted living? But….I bristle big time at the thought of anyone but me and God having a say in what I do each day. Whenever there is any feistiness left in me, I want to use it up…not follow orders.
I knew it would be good 🙂 No steroids until 5:30 last night and then another dose at 7 AM. A potent dose of steroids! After my diabetes educator left this morning, I was revved up. I knew I needed to take advantage of all those steroids. I got distracted on my way out the door. I ended up giving a mini discussion about eternal life…as in our pre-mortal spiritual existence, getting a body, then moving on through eternity until we get our perfected immortal bodies at resurrection. I talked about how we agreed to take on the challenges we have faced in this life…before we were born. That some people choose particularly difficult things in order to help someone else or get great blessings. I talked about near death experiences that I have read about. Amazingly that seemed to have a profound effect on a couple of people.
By the time I got out the front door, I had no idea where I was going when I left my apartment. So….I got on TRAX and decided what to do next. When I got on the train, it was packed so there wasn’t even enough standing room….and they all had on matching backpacks. It’s the annual dōTERRA convention in SLC. Everybody was in a good mood. I asked the woman who climbed over me where she was from. Near Seattle in a town I can’t remember. We all talked and joked around. It figures one of her questions would be “where are you going?”. I shrugged and said I had no idea, but I had a free transportation pass, so it didn’t matter. By the time they went from hotel to convention center, we were all best buds. It was fun 🙂 But then I really did need to decide where I was going to get off. I was thinking Rancho Market. I was not interested in the usual foods I used to buy there. I was fixated on buying plátanos dominicos….baby bananas from Mexico.
But….the next stop down from Rancho is Fairgrounds. With temps in the 60’s and a blue sky with nice breeze….I went to the fair! Every year I have lived in SLC, it has been too hot and I have been too sick to go. The stars aligned! I was hyper and it was a wonderful day. I wheeled to the gate and bought a ticket. First I looked at pigs, sheep, beef cattle and dairy cows. Wow! They all looked like meat on legs. Not the farm animals of my youth. I could practically see the bacon and steaks and lamb on the hoof. Those meat animals were hefty….yet the dairy cows were bigger and bonier than anything in the Vermont I used to know.
I wandered around the midway to soak in the carnie atmosphere. At first it was mostly mothers with small kids. Later it was families.
I went in the 4-H building full of crafts, sewing, food, etc done by 4-H kids. And then I think I managed to find all the buildings but floraculture. I wonder how I missed that? When I was a kid, I entered food in the NY State Fair, beginning at 13 years old. I wasn’t in 4-H, so just entered with the adults. I got something like 29 ribbons in 2 or 3 years. Going to the fair today brought back lots of memories…..for lots and lots of reasons. I was surprised that the Utah State Fair was smaller than a county fair in Vermont….and nothing at all like the hugeness and complexity of the NYS Fair!
I sat by this stage and watched a few different groups do dance and singing. They were cute. They were talented…but in every single show, I was troubled by the extreme sexualization of young kids. It was glaring. After awhile, a bunch of old folks got up and left….so it wasn’t just me thinking that. I think us old folks were embarrassed for them. There’s a whole world of dancing and singing that’s not hyper-sexual, so why did the adults think this was a good idea? Gave me a lot to think about.
The Milky Way
Then the Smithsonian traveling show caught my eye. Totally awesome pictures and explanations. Since I have been reading a lot more about space, thanks to space weather emails, this exhibit was especially interesting to me. For some reason, light years suddenly made more sense…after a lifetime of hearing it. Light from the sun gets to us in 8.3 minutes. There are 525600 minutes in a year. The Milky Way is 100,000 light years across. Galaxies are a loooooong ways from us….like in this example…
Does that blow your mind? The colorful Milky Way picture was near a speaker playing music about space that gave me goosebumps. I could not take my eyes off of the burst of light that is blue-white in the pic. I just kept thinking that looked like the light when I died…the one I wanted to go to. Right there in that exhibition hall, tears started leaking out. I felt powerfully drawn into that light. It was like a deep remembrance and I was mesmerized. I did not want to move….and when I did move, I kept looking back at it. Intense!
You know what else was cool? For each of the pictures of the universe, it told what telescopes took the picture. I have been in or near many of those. While looking at various exhibits, I kept realizing that I had been many, many places mentioned all over the fair. I have been to all sorts of the amazing places in North America…and done a bazillion amazing things 🙂 It would take lifetimes to go to them all and do them all….but I sure have gotten around!
After the fair, I went to Rancho Market. While searching for the right bananas, I realized what I had originally left home for….I was going to go to the LDS church’s Welfare Square to pick up toilet paper, bananas and ice cream. I didn’t even know they had ice cream until this week! I just cannot stomach other foods. I watched a Dutch oven demo show at the fair and they passed out a very small slice of banana bread. Even that tiny bit was like a cannon ball to the gut. Geeze!
This is me coming home on TRAX. Notice the dōTERRA backpack? There weren’t as many of them on this train, but there were too many to get off at my stop. I waited to get off at 9th because there was no time to get off at Courthouse in the crush of humanity headed for the Grand America Hotel. I had used up every ounce of my steroid strength at that point. My neck was even huger and my face was experiencing myasthenia gravis melt. By the time I got home, that droopy eye was closed shut. I don’t even recognize me any more. Sigh….