Ever play solitaire on the computer? Sometimes you can think it’s impossible to get all the cards where they belong and then poof! A move here and a move there and it’s magically done! At the point of least hope, it’s a win!
I notice the exact same patterns in life. I ponder on seemingly impossible problems for weeks or months or years. All the solutions seem out of my reach. Then something unexpected comes along and poof! Everything is different and there is no longer a problem.
That’s because no matter how smart we are or how many angles we explore, our understanding is puny. For me, that’s an even stronger reason to have faith in God. God created the universe. He knows a heck of a lot more than we do. He also knows us….each and every one of us are important to him. Here in mortality, our understanding is miniscule. Someday it will be vast. Until then, we need to listen to the one who knows what’s going on.
I have been lost in thoughts all day. Now that so many people here have seen me in tough shape, most are convinced I am going to die any minute. I went from being mostly alone to people coming to check on me several times a day. I’m hoping we can reach a happy medium with that. It is nice to be cared about, but ummmm, uhhhhhh even I am running out of things to say….and definitely running out of clean clothes to wear!
Tonight when the nice woman came to say goodnight, my voice was broken. She couldn’t understand me. I had a sharp pain in my gut and she winced more than I did. I don’t like feeling that I am a bother. I know this woman considers herself blessed to be here for me. I need to learn to be a lot more gracious with everybody. There’s no end to the life lessons I need to learn. Sigh….
Then, I was reading my email tonight, and yet another MG’er died. Her son wrote us all a note. Helen was only 49. She died like my father. She walked from one room to another and dropped dead. Her son is very sad for her…and all of us with myasthenia gravis. I got to live to 60 so far. So many of my fellow sickies don’t 😦
As for me…I acted like I was starving today. I was soooooo hungry. No matter what I ate, I was still hungry. After weeks of finding food awful, this is unexpected. Now I’m going to get even fatter! A long time ago, I bought a Trader Joe’s pizza. Today I ate it….except for the large crust all around the edges. I still can’t taste much….but it didn’t hurt once I ate it 🙂