pain

I overdid it this morning. I put away the stuff in the dishwasher and I used my new vacuum for the first time. I have been too weak to do either. But….then I went into the non-stop feeling of falling. It went on for hours and was making me super queasy. When I couldn’t stand it another second, I got in bed with my CPAP and oxygen and drifted off to sleep to the sound of a whole lot of banging and thumping upstairs. I’m not sure if it was someone moving in or still construction workers doing whatever they do?

worry

I thought about putting a sign on my door or locking it, but I left it open. Yup….when people going by my window didn’t see me in my chair, they got worried. One woman called another and had her come check on me. I was conked. I woke up enough to tell her I wasn’t feeling well and slept for hours more.

porcupines

This evening, I decided laundry had reached critical mass. I was sitting on my bed, trying to re-sort it all. I heard nothing, since I was right in front of the fan on high. In comes Helen. My heart was about beating out of my chest, I was gasping for breath, my eye was closed, my voice broken and I was unable to sit up without holding onto things. Darn it! She managed to see me at my worst when I was trying to get them all to quit stressing out about me.

guilt

She offered to do my laundry tomorrow and I said NOPE! I was going to go to the laundromat tonight. I tried to make her understand that I would be alive until I wasn’t and not much was going to change that. I told her to quit being too nice ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope they all chill out and just casually check on me instead of several times a day. I am very touched that they care…but this is exactly what I was trying to avoid. I don’t want to feel guilty for being a wreck. I want to do what I can, forget it when I can’t and ask if I’m desperate. We all have to learn how to act.

bleach

It was tough doing laundry….but after sleeping for hours…I was strong enough to do OK. It’s done! As soon as I hung up things that needed it, I stuck my head under the faucet and just let the coldness seep into my skull. Ahhhhhh…..now I am sitting here in front of the fan. I am slowly but surely folding towels and bandanas. I did it!!!!!

wish

All this time, I thought I was randomly holding my breath when standing in the kitchen. I then stand at an angle, with my hands on the counter, and can take deep breaths….all the way to the bottom of my lungs. While hanging up clothes, I realized I was not holding my breath, I just couldn’t breathe. It’s the darn hernia. Grrrrrrrr…. My muscles are wasting away at an alarming rate…like my butt and back muscles. It’s getting harder and harder to stand. When I do OK at standing, I start to faint from the hernia hogging all the blood.

float

I never drink soda. While doing laundry, I was hot and thirsty and went across the street to Arctic Circle. A soft serve cone was $1.29, but a root beer float was $1.39. I splurged. I had no idea how many carbs it was, so just punched in 100 on my insulin pump. The website says 79 carbs for a medium root beer float. Close enough. I will test again before I go to bed tonight so I don’t go low. Steroids generally make me too high, anyways. It sure is handy having a pump ๐Ÿ™‚

naps

Gosh, that was my whole day. On the TV weather, they said how beautiful it was today….and I slept right through it. We have rain coming soon. I need to spend more time snoozing. I feel stronger with enough rest.

done

 

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