palliative-care

When a good moment swings into view and I don’t feel too bad, I start to wonder if the hospice thing is just a dream. Maybe I’m fine? Sigh….

Yesterday I never got ice cream because I did not go in the direction of Trader Joe’s. I looked up what time they opened this morning. 8 AM…so I got dressed and headed that way. First I went to Smith’s. A couple of days ago I had written down all the Free Friday Downloads I had not picked up yet. There were 3 free offers…cat treats, Bush’s hummus mix and Sour Patch Kids.

pouch

I also wanted to find some sort of pouch or bag to put my diabetic supplies in. Theoretically, I need to have a meter, strips, extra tubing set, extra insulin, etc, with me in case I need it. I have been tossing some of that into the zippered pocket on my wheelchair or in the bottom of a reusable shopping bag. It didn’t take long to realize digging it all out was a PITA. I splurged and spent $4.99. Never thought I would knowingly buy a cosmetic bag 😛

onezip pockets

At Trader Joe’s they were giving out free samples of pumpkin kringle, apples and spiced apple cider. I don’t think I ever had a TJ’s kringle before. I always wondered why people snapped them up. They better be darned good for $7.99! Good thing I didn’t taste them before. It was yummy! I was really surprised I could taste. Most of the time I can’t.

When the cashier zipped up my TJ’s insulated bag, the zipper zipped right off. She apologized, went over to the wall of bags, plucked a new one off and put my groceries in it! I thanked her profusely 🙂 Then I got to the door and realized I was too weak to sling it on the back of my chair. The same guy who had enthusiastically greeted me when I got there, hung the bag on the back of the wheelchair for me. People who work for Trader Joe’s are encouraged to treat the customer real well. Nice 🙂

When I left TJ’s, I went over to Whole Foods as a tourist. I think I like looking around their store so I can feel superior. It’s pretty much the same food you can buy at Sprouts or Trader Joe’s…but for twice the price, and the workers aren’t near as happy. I didn’t purchase anything.

tree

On the way home, I started noticing that fall is in the air.

burning-bush

yellow-tree

fall-creeper

I love taking the street with community gardens.

fall-garden garden community-garden fall-yellow morning-glory

There’s a sign on the sidewalk side of the fence that says anything growing there is free to pick. I took them up on their offer and got tomatoes and basil.

tomatoesbasil

I’m hoping my guts will let me eat a fried green tomato. The closer I got to home, and the more I raised my arms up to take pictures, the dizzer and sicker I got. It was a very pleasant 70 degrees with a breeze. Despite feeling happy and comfy, the reality of my situation intruded. It was darn hard to make it the last three blocks to home. I was slumped and crooked in my wheelchair. The dizziness was making me wicked queasy. Yup…when things seem OK for a few minutes, it’s hard to remember I’m not expected to last a whole lot longer. I’m trying to get the most out of the time I have left.

As I was wheeling it around town this morning, I was thinking how grateful I am for steroids. I at least have enough strength to do more 🙂 I was also thinking about the cancer fundraising on TV this week. If a person gets some “popular” disease like cancer or MS, there are whole organizations that help people cope, give rides, hold camps, have local support groups, etc. With something like MG, MCTD and my hernia, all people see is a fat old lady. Nobody knows my face looks like this because of steroids, or the belly bump is from my intestines popping out. No group is going to help me as I go through all this. It’s too bad people have to have trendy diseases to get the perks. I have been misunderstood my whole life…and now for my death.

sushi

Less than a block from my house is Sushi Burrito. I have never been there. I realized DUH! I go to Costco or Trader Joe’s for sushi…and I could go a few yards from my apartment and buy sushi. I am so trained to not even consider restaurant food that it just wasn’t a possibility in my pea brain. I will have to blow my budget and try their food. I will need help, though…it doesn’t look wheelchair accessible. In the summer they have a walk-up window. Maybe I could order by phone and sit by the door until another customer comes along?

sushi-bar

I knew today was General Conference…but just like with everything else…I forgot once it was time to turn on the TV. I sat here for a couple of hours and then checked what was on TV. Oooops! Good thing I can watch conference any time online. And that reminds me…when I went outside at Costco yesterday, I looked all around and had absolutely no remembrance of where I was. Yes, I started to feel panic. I tried to be as calm as possible, just sit there, look around and think. It took me a good 10 minutes of sitting there before I decided where to go. I took pictures so people thought I meant to just sit there 🙂 I obviously got home. I miss my brain cells!

I watched Meet the Mormons during the break between conference sessions. I have to admit, I don’t know what they were thinking when they tried to show it in movie theatres. It’s good for TV and special occasions, though. But then…I pretty much never go to movie theatres….you know, inside with people and all that.

By 2 PM, when the next session was about to start, I felt horrible. Yet another almost paralyzing dizzy attack. My heart was pounding sooooo hard! I crawled in bed and watched the conference all propped up by pillows. I re-learned why it’s called falling asleep! I was trying mightily to stay awake. Every few minutes I felt like I was falling and my body jerked as if to save itself. I gave up, closed the laptop and snoozed for 4 hours.

When I woke up, priesthood session was on TV. I watched that while having salsa, hummus and pita bread. Yup. It hit my guts like a cannon ball. Hope springs eternal 🙂 When that was over, I went online and watched the talks that I missed. Thank goodness for technology! Not much stamina left in this old body. All the hours of general conference are….well…long. I love hearing the talks, though 🙂

weak

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