I put on a shirt I haven’t worn in months. It’s OK if I am standing, but when I sit down, the shirt rides up over my belly, showing naked skin. Not suitable for public appearances 😛 Darn hernia! But…..what caught my eye is my buffalo hump. That’s another lovely side effect of steroids. It’s danged hard for me to take a pic of my back. I didn’t realize the hump had gotten so huge.


Went to bed early last night and got up today at 6 AM. It was 70 degrees at 11 PM, then 68 when I woke up! On the news this morning, they say we broke records for high overnight lows. It has been sprinkling out there off and on. I decided to call the hospital right at 8 and thy told me to be there at 8:45. Just made it 🙂


Isn’t that just the coolest light ever? Most of the city was in darkness while these buildings were lit up by the sun.

I got my port flushed and then went over to Moran Eye Center to ask about my eyes. I talked to a nurse quite awhile. She says I have syncope and that explains all my symptoms from whooshing head to blurry vision to losing consciousness….and the turning bright white, then bright red, sweating like crazy and having my pupil take over my eye. She said I need to be referred to the Faint & Fall clinic. Geeze…last time I went past it, I laughed. Laugh’s on me, I guess. Now I am just waiting for my internist to get back to me.


Hospital complex when I got off TRAX


To get to Huntsman from TRAX, I have to so down seemingly endless skyways and halls. This is what my vision is like.

Everything is handicapped accessible until I get to this one stupid door without an opener at Huntsman. I am always mad when I get to this bottleneck. Soooooooooo hard to get through! It’s very heavy with a strong self-closing mechanism.



View out the hospital window…looking towards the Great Salt Lake


While I was sitting there, a medical helicopter took off.


Here’s the BMT clinic waiting room where I wait to get my port flushed in the back.

I have already tried to get the internist and NP help me with this, but nothing happened. I decided if I am not going to get palliative care/hospice services right now, I’m going to push for somebody to do something! This is getting ridiculous. I want to either be ALIVE or DEAD…..not this place of hell in the middle. Can you tell I am feeling feisty today? I am profoundly tired of being pushed around by some and pushed to the side by others.


I stopped off at Trolley station to get a haircut. This time I went to Super Cuts. I hated my last haircut at Great Clips. I even got some stuff to make my hair stiffer. A cross between mousse and waxy junk. It’s called Re-Works Texture Cream. I was feeling rich since I made a mistake figuring out my bank balance and had more than I thought 🙂 I have never sprung for salon stuff before….at least that I can remember!


Got home and ate my on sale with a coupon, 99 cent Tai Pei Beef and Broccoli. I don’t think I ever had that before. It was worth 99 cents, but I sure wouldn’t pay more for it. 61 carbs.


When someone knocked on my door, I didn’t answer. Luckily he had a key and came in 🙂 It was the maintenance man and not Hyper Helen. He claims my closet door is now fixed once and for all. I hope so. I haven’t got up to look yet. Soooooooooo dizzy!


I am hoping and praying lots of Democrats win on election day. Republicans are killing me 😦 Democrats are once again going to try to get us folks a one time emergency payment to make up for the Zero to almost zero COLA increases. Everything that I buy….like meds, food, internet and rent just goes up and up and up 😦 Not very nice to seniors, veterans and disabled people to live on vapors…..especially while subsidizing wars and corporations. I wonder what the world would be like if it was founded on justice and mercy???

Hyper Helen came to my window. Then after she was gone, more knocks on the door. It was the woman who took care of Ethyl just before she died. She handed me a hospice business card she claims was stuck in the door crack when she got here. She told me lots of stories of drama between she, Ethyl, people who live here, management and the hospice company. Ick. She also said the hospice company everyone wants me to switch to does not offer help with laundry or cleaning. Makes me miss NY! It was sooooo easy there to get help after my stroke. In Utah it’s looking like people are SOL. Fine…I’ll just wait until someone gets me real angry, and go do laundry by myself then 😛 I’m thinking I have no patience for anyone helping me! The more people insinuate themselves into my life, the more exponential the drama gets.


I have been looking up more about syncope. When I was younger, paramedics and ER peeps told me I had Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. When they talked about syncope, I thought it was just the medical name for fainting. Now I am understanding there’s a lot more to it. It’s what causes the syncope that’s important. The NP agreed with me that it’s my hernia hogging up the blood so there’s not enough left for my brain. Syncope is a frequent cause of ER visits and death in the elderly. For me, the problem is also my ever-present dysautonomia. This was part of the reason to put me in hospice in the first place. My systems are breaking down and there is only so much docs can do.