scared

Too many negatives, I guess. I am scared and concerned about too many things at once. I am trying to shift my thinking to do what I can and trust God for the rest. There are always tough times….and most of us make it through them.

This morning my heart was beating all wrong. Then my chest felt squashed in pain. Soon my left, lower jaw was having wicked sharp pain. I looked it up and that’s often a heart attack. I found an email address for my heart monitor company and told them my phone was broken, and to please email me if they needed to get in touch. It’s probably like everywhere else, though….no one seems to read or act on anything. At least I did what I could. I’m still alive. I must have burped for a solid hour after the pain. Maybe it was just my guts?

I’m super depressed about my new upstairs neighbors. The cigarette smoke in here is getting unbearable 😦 They also make noise all hours of the day and night. I really miss the dead guy upstairs. He was nice and quiet πŸ™‚ Maybe I can ask him to come haunt them? πŸ˜› We are all supposed to be quiet from 10 PM to 7 AM. I wish they would at least abide by those rules!

All of the political back and forth nastiness has got me down. I thought that sort of hate had vanished years ago. What was I thinking??? I was living in my own little bubble. Sure, I knew there were lots of different opinions…but I did not know there was so much raw hate. How can there be so many people willing to hurt others with violence? Why can’t the world be more like Vermont used to be? We all tried to both tolerate each other and make the world a good place for everyone.

This has been my second rough day in a row….both mentally and physically. Most of my days are feats of endurance, but these are worse than my usual crummy. Without the mental toughness and cheerfulness that I usually have shreds of, I feel flat and dull andΒ well, missing.

Oh, my gosh! Now my blood sugar is 323!!! What the heck is wrong with me??? I am burning up. My head feels like it is about to explode. Oh, oh, my insulin site is all wet and smells like insulin. It must not be going into me.

I took the cannula out. It wasn’t bent. A few seconds later, a bunch of insulin came out of the cannula hole 😦 It’s as I have been suspecting. I am so full of edema that there’s no place for insulin to sink in. Just great. I pulled off all my electrodes and insulin pump stuff and took a shower. Then I painstakingly put my gizmos all back together. I used a needle to shoot up insulin in the least swollen part of me…opposite the hernia on my left side. I also put the new cannula in that general area.

Whew! An hour after shooting up 25 ml of Humalog with a syringe, my blood sugar is down to 178. Ordinarily, that would shake me up…but today it sounds great! That means the shot is working. I even feel better πŸ™‚ I’m hungry for supper, too….but I don’t dare eat yet.

So now what do I do about the gosh darned edema? Lasix makes me sick, but I can take Bumex and spironolactone. It has been at least 7 years since I last took diuretics. I haven’t missed them!

Well….tomorrow is another day. Here’s hoping things will be better.

 

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