list

Last night felt touch and go. It was sooooooo hard to breathe! Even on my wedge with CPAP and oxygen going, I was marginal. Unusual for me, it took a long time to fall asleep. I was conscious of trying to sleep and I slept less than 3 hours. Got up at 2 AM and worked on gathering all of Olive’s paperwork and doo-dads. Her cat carrier is now full of her stuff, thanks to me…and missionary Kathy. I stayed awake until 8 AM, making lists of things to throw out or give away, stuff I should work on, making notes about ….whatever. I felt like I wasn’t going to live long enough to get Olive’s things ready. Then I slept for 3 more hours.

ancestor

As is almost always true for me….I managed to talk for a few hours today. I could not stand….but I could talk…..sort of. Just like the old CHF days when I was absolutely worthless 23 hours a day, but could spend an hour talking to my friend at the post office 🙂 I’m sure I drove missionary Kathy crazy. I felt an overwhelming need to talk things out. I think about and have dreams about being on the other side of the veil. When I talk about it, things make more sense to me. Neither one of my parents could be accused of being too nurturing or caring as parents. I want to know what they will be like as spirits! Will they be more mellow? Will they have learned unconditional love? What’s it going to be like to see them again? All my other relatives like grandparents and great grandparents, were nice people…..at least as far as I know. I’m curious about the woman that raised my grandmother after her mother died. I have lots of curiosity about those who have gone before me. It will be cool to know them 🙂

yourself

I get energized by talking to people. That has always kept me going. Missionary Kathy came over to pick up my laundry and help clean the house. I finally asked for help with that. She was amazing! Things that take an hour for me to do took her 5 minutes. She was very thorough at getting cat hair and dust with the swiffer-like mop that Ingrid gave me 🙂 Kathy also picked up and sought out cat toys around the apartment to add to the cat carrier. It feels nice to have things clean. I am very, very grateful.

high-bs

Today I put in a new insulin pump set….then I took out the old one. No wonder my blood sugar was so high! The cannula was bent right in half. I was getting very little insulin.

purple

Tonight Kissing Helen came over to check on me. I love her 🙂 She’s the one who passed out, giving herself a purple face and cracked rib. She healed pretty darn well! She’s still sore and dizzy, though.

gift

I found a website called YesUtah and signed up there for organ donation. I’m signed up all over the country thanks to moving so much 🙂 Hopefully I will be found by someone, somewhere. I realize that most of me is a wreck, but maybe they can use part of my eyes, at least.

nosmoke

I get air quality emails. I doubt if many people do….or care, especially the polluters. I know the condo across the street does not hold back from burning in their fireplace 😦 It’s always choking me up. Here’s the one for Sunday…

SALT LAKE County:
Wood Burn Action Condition: ‘VOLUNTARY Air Quality Action’ – Individuals are asked to voluntarily not use solid fuel burning devices, reduce/stop open burning, and reduce vehicle use by consolidating trips. Industry should optimize operating conditions to minimize air pollution emissions. Salt Lake County prohibits burning solid fuel in fireplaces or wood burning stoves and bans outdoor fires (including bonfires, patio pits and charcoal grill fires) on days that the State of Utah designates as either mandatory or voluntary air action (no burn) days. Salt Lake County Health Regulation
Health Advisory: The air quality is acceptable; however, for some pollutants there may be a moderate health concern for a very small number of people.

I am among the apparently “small number of people”….and even worse than ever right now. Breathing with my shoulders seriously wears me out. At least I am still breathing! I sit or sleep in front of fans 24/7.

remember

OK…time to brainstorm. What do I need to remember to do before I die? What loose ends have I forgotten? And here are the gross pictures for the day. I’m getting too weak to lift the hernia up very well.

raw

Still splitting open, still ulcerating, still bleeding and oozing.

belly-button

I take more bad pics than good. But this shows my poor, lost belly button. It’s that little lump down from my index finger. 

Gosh, I sure am tired tonight.

tired

I keep forgetting to add the Grand America Hotel pics. This was from my front door just before it snowed.

ga-from-home grand-america-lights

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